1. The family pets all have names with literary references. This includes the guinea pig Marcel (after Proust) and the cat (named after a character in an Allende novel).
2. Your father has had facial hair for like, forever. And this is cool facial hair, not the "Weirdo in Sandals" brand of beard. We're talking hyper subversive stubble here, not rapist whiskers.
3. When you were growing up you were strictly forbidden to dye your hair, but your mother was more than happy to help you henna it.
4. Everything in your house used to be something else.
5. Most of the light fittings used to hang outside a shop. (See above)
6. A typical fun filled family day out is a trip to a thrift store. This is also where your mother does her clothes shopping.
7. Every single conversation with your parents (on any subject) will end up with one of them ranting about climate change.
8. All of your parents friends have really strange jobs.
9. This also goes for your parents. You never know quite what they are doing as they like to launch new ventures on a regular basis. Plus, as a journalist, your mother likes to write about them. On more than one occasion you’ve opened a magazine in the doctor’s waiting room to see yourself and your siblings staring out from the page as part of a feature about working from home or eating sugar free, (aka hipster family living).Your mum doesn't just do "Not having a 9 to 5 job" brand of hipster, she also does the "Fresh line caught mackerel" hipster.
10. You and your siblings have ‘different’ names. Okay, you’re not up there with the A listers and none of you are called Apple or Elm but then again, no-one else in your class has a younger brother named after Maxim de Winter.
11. Coming home from school to find your parents butchering a pig (organically reared and rare breed, of course) on the kitchen table is par for the course.
12. There is never any junk food in the house.
13. This also means that there is never anything to snack on, despite the fact that the fridge is always full. Unfortunately it is full of organic vegetables and free range eggs. And not much else.
14. As a result you and your siblings steal (and hide) the fair trade dark cooking chocolate. Your mother wonders why there is never any Green and Black's to be had when she wants a square with her ethically produced Peruvian coffee. Your boyfriend (himself the product of hipster parents), totally relates to this as he and his brother have been doing this ever since they first hit puberty and realised that teenage boys cannot survive on cherry tomatoes alone.
15. Hipster dads can't just wear boring normal man shoes. Footwear must be "interesting" Nikes or Peruvian goat skin slippers. Your father is conforming to type by currently sporting fluorescent yellow Nikes and your mother isn't much better either.
16. And last but not least, your parents were not so only insufferably avant garde that THEY created your FB account for you (well before it became mainstream); they are also avid social media users and spend their time blogging about all the things they keep making out of disused pallets and driftwood.
Now they're on Ello and worst of all, your mother has Snapchat.....
