If anyone needs cheering up I laughed out loud at several of these. Be warned though, contains some very naughty swear words.
I find Americans so funny.
Am I the only person who didn’t find this funny? More arrogance than humour.
My sides were not split either, my teen age son found them more amusing which demonstrates their level, I thnk.
What is the French verb to whack someone in their face with your,… - never mind, if it exists I’m sure I can find out 
@Paul Flinders the word you a re searching for is BIFLER To whack someone in thé face with their pénis is BIFLER.
Thanks, my education is complete
It’s not surprising that French has such a word when English has a succinct phrase for it - although the fact that they haven’t simply borrowed the English raises a wry eyebrow. I suppose they have engaged in the activity long enough that it dates back to an era that just lifting words from English was not as common.
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Well Paul my éducation i.e. complete also how did i dare To write that.anyway that is the slang word
Think the English word/verb is “swaffle”
It is a portmanteau neologism made up of ‘bite’ + ‘gifler’. Appeared in French in the last 10 years, maybe 15. Started as a vulgar joke.
Which makes quite close to the English phrase of which I was thinking. Swaffle, I admit, is one that I didn’t know. The Urban Dictionary says it is of Belgian/Dutch origin.
I have checked, apparently neither bite, nor bifler are in No 1 Son’s GCSE French vocab list, phew. 
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Bitte with 2 Ts comes from the origin which is a scandinavian word for a beam (optimistic lot, the scandinavians 
) and is the word for a mooring bitt or bollard. That would be perfectly OK on a GCSE vocab list, but good for a snigger.