A reluctant partner!

here are two more options:-

move to another country instead? the obvious one being Spain? or

find somewhere in England that is very holiday-home, very touristy, e.g. The SW Coast, Totnes, Dartmouth, Salcombe, Devon, etc

I think this is DAMN GOOD advice!

I agree with Jane and all the caution expressed so far. It's a real strain on a relationship where one party is living a dream, and the other a nightmare! Our marriage has definitely suffered by my wife generously agreeing to facilitate my dream of living in France and underestimating how much she'd not like it. Her poor French makes her feel isolated, every problem is further proof of the "mistake", and there is a constant undercurrent of "we should sell up." Definitely rent first, for at least a year to see what winter's like. The French don't do a pub culture so in rural areas winter feels pretty desolate with everyone staying in. Make every effort to get your French up to speed and try to join in everything you can locally. And make contacts with the local Brits. Best of luck.

I think people so far summed it up well. If only one of you is enthusiastic then the other is going to find it hard to settle. Whoever does not settle will not learn French willingly, thus making life no easier. All in all it spirals into problems. Going back to the UK is difficult, bear in mind that in many places property prices are still going down and are likely to for some time. Then also bear the referendum in mind and the possibility of the UK leaving the UK and possible issues that would inevitably arise that would makes nobody's life easier.

Sandy's advice is a good tip to follow. Another point the 'dead' winter reminds me about is the weather across the seasons. We have recently seen people who could not handle the near on 40°C summer temperature (locally we reached 42° for a few hours on one day, the inside of my car was 48° when I got in it and aircon took ages to bring it down measurably). I have worked in the tropics so thrive on it, my OH comes from the other side of the Alps so is used to it too. However, despite the Alpine bit when it goes down to near -20°C in winter (it has been -21°C before we were here, -18° once, -16° several times and -12° is not unusual) so a swing of over 40° is possible in some years with even a rapid swing of 30° from cold to warm inside a couple of weeks which can be a shock to the system. The cold also defeats people. No, there are not perpetually warm bits of France, it can happen in most parts, even the lovely bits of Provence where one always sees verandas where people sip wine and wear straw hats is a single dimension that misleads. So, take that advice perhaps and be prepared for the extremes.

It is a big decision, the pros and cons are a big bundle to unravel and pull out the strands in the right direction. The best of luck to you getting there either way.

I agree with the point David Evans made about widows and widdowers. There are plenty of widows about but alot eventually decide they would rather be back in the UK with granchildren etc (and become permanent childcarers). The widdowers stay on and many end up in the bar all the time; I have seen several slowly "degenerate" and not a few no longer with us had serious drink problems. Another good piece of advice is think about your ability to cope with a large house in the country side as you get older. There is much to be said for a village or town house, proximity to shops, restaurants etc. A house that is idyllic at 55 might well be a nightmare draining all your energy and resources by the time you are 70 (which is whereI am!). Happily I am right in a small village with a boulangerie, post office, boucherie, hairdresser, bar, church, doctor, restaurant, pharcaie and school all within 200 metres. Why on eart would a school be required? Beacuase I have a six year old daughter there!!

As the reluctant half of our partnership I have a sympathy with your wife. Our first house was in a village of a number of Brits (which we didn’t know when we bought it)and some very friendly French - particularly when they found we would join in things. Now we’ve moved to a larger village with fewer Brits with still friendly French. In this region we also benefit from the U3A. We mostly only attend the wine tasting group (very good) but it’s nice to know it’s here if we want it.

It is not easy moving to a different country with a different culture. However I do think having fellow nationals around can help. In Bezier and surrounds here is a strong Brit community which could be a great way to get to know the area. Get your wife to check out Ladies in the Languedoc on Facebook.

However, it might be worth considering what your wife enjoys? Will she be able to satisfy those interests out here? Perhaps the solution is half UK and half France. That’s how we started and moved on to permanent gradually. It has helped me knowing we’ve a bolt hole in the UK - and for now, that gives us useful rent! Good luck with however it works out!

You were doing so well until you got to a decent kitchen! When we first arrived normally a place had no kitchen, just a sink! I would urge you rent also here but, if you do take the plunge, I'd buy small and cheap here, and retain a nice small place also in UK...as others have pointed out, it's very hard to reverse the decision. OH and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to reverse our move here 12 years ago. We want to have a small holiday/6months home, but return to UK for winters. We're on the market to sell, and will eventually use any profit to make the move, having looked thoroughly into options, areas, etc.

Experiences between men and women can be very different here, and we see more older widows than widdowers, who are here without a driving licence, and start to dread old, old age....the men we chat to don't seem to look to the end game in the same way as the ladies, but of course with no ability to return to family in UK, eg, they seem to put heads down and hope for the best.

All the best whatever the decision of you both.

The renting idea is definitely one I will pursue, I'm also realistic enough to know that just because France is generally cheaper that doesn't mean I have to buy bigger! As long as I've got room for a model railroad I'll be a happy bunny! Do I need a pool, no not really, a veg patch, If I've bought somewhere in a small town that's what the market is for. Do I need blue shutters,YES! Oh and a decent kitchen as I love cooking.

do not bother coming over with someone that is not really interested, as they will winge every time something goes wrong, and things will go wrong nearly every day of the week. also if you are both retired you will be living with each other 24/7 causing conflict, both of you need a hobby to keep yourselfs apart, the first few months will be fine but after that being around each other all day will make you resent your partner especially if their heart is not in the adventure. plus as you are only 55 you will have to get medical insurance until you reach 67 when the uk/french health care system will take you on as oaps.

you have three choices;

leave your partner and move over too enjoy your freedom.

secondly bin the hole idea and stay in the uk as a miserable person who did not make the leap.

or thirdly take the plunge and move over with your partner and live the adventure.

Easy to go. Not easy to leave. Very difficult to return to the UK if you don't have lots of money and want to live in one of the nicer parts of the country. To get the most out of a place learn about it, at least make a considerable effort to learn the local language, do join some associations, not just the expat ones. Don't spend all your time in the Brit pub moaning about the locals. I got my first place in France in 1972 and have lived here permanently a long time now. I would be very reluctant to return to the UK. Many of my former friends are no longer around for a variety of reasons including the ultimate one.

I have friends who live in France who have very different views on the subject. One loves it here, the other hates it. Their quality of life over the past two years or so has been rock bottom. To make the move it needs to suit both people.

It's worth renting a gite for a few months in the area you like, particularly out of season (you might get some decent rates) in order to see what living here is really like. Summer can be very 'Place In The Sun' but winter can be dead, and will give you a more realistic view of the country than that presented on the telly. Your wife, however, might enjoy spending a few months in France without the commitment of a purchase! Good luck.