Thanks for your concern and I will keep the offer of help in mind. Sometimes you just need somewhere to throw a question into the wind because you don't know what else to do with it. At least here people know the system we live within which as you know is so very different from the UK and might be able to give practical help.
My kids are amazing people and are doing so well, better than I am in many ways,I am really proud of them.
I know my post might seem a bit depressing but it's better to get it out there right away as questions later can be awkward ;o)
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. That must be incredibly tough. I / we hope you and the children are coping okay and if there is anything anyone can do, (which I know is trite) please shout. SFN members are a fabulous lot and go out of their way to help each other. Thinking of you C&J xx