Australia announces which subs they will purchase

In news just to hand, Australian Defence Minister Peter Dutton has announced which subs Australia will purchase, where they will be made and when they will be delivered.

Pete Dutton will have the Footlong Meatball Melt on white bread, Marise Payne the Minister for Foreign Affairs will have the Smashed Felafel on white multigrain, and Scotty from marketing will have the six inch Chicken Classic on rye.

The subs will be built at Adelaide’s Rundle Mall, and will require a workforce of two Irish backpackers.

Australia’s Pacific Minister Zed Seselja has been dispatched on his Ministerial Malvern Star to take immediate delivery of the subs. He has the $190b payment tied up in the corner of his hanky.