Back to being single


(Sksprop) #1

Hi, I have found myself single again after being in a 15 year relationship (7 of which where in France)

My good lady decided she wanted to be in the UK and not France :(

I feel a little lost to say the least and wondered who has been in a similar situation and how they coped with it?


(Peter Bird) #2

I think we all feel 'loss' differenly and so we probably have to face up to it differently. I lost my missus through ill health and the lonliness was painful so i made sure I was in the company of others and by chance found a lovely lady quite quickly after. Three years on I don't regret a second of it.


(Sksprop) #3

Thanks for sharing that Peter. I am glad it turned out well for you.


(Peter Bird) #4

What do you feel you want/need to do Simon ?

I know it's the oldest cliché in te book but, life really is too short to be miserable !! I'm nearing 62 and i've never had so much fun in my life !


(Sksprop) #5

Good question Peter and one Iam unsure of right at this moment.


(Rachael Fillatre) #6

Sorry to hear that Simon. It must be hard and lonely. It is easy for you to imagine you will never meet anyone again but I am certain you will, it may take time and you have to be sociable but it will happen. After the grief has subsided you may start to feel excited about possible new beginnings. I have to ask a question though, if you had gone to UK too would you still be single? Was France more important than the relationship?


(Sksprop) #7

Hi Rachael, Thanks for your reply. Re the going back to the UK I also aked that question but wasnt invited to go back. :(

The relationship had been struggling for some time and although it was/is a massive shock I think it will be for the best in the long term. (hopefully)


(Rachael Fillatre) #8

Hope all goes well Simon...best wishes


(Michael McClure) #9

Get a dog. Or 2.


(Sarah Ross) #10

Sorry to hear that Simon and brave of you to bare all here. Being left alone after a break up is very painful, I can only counsel that what is important is to feel fulfilled in yourself then you will attract happy people to you so try to do small things that make you feel good and appreciative - enjoy the sun, have a coffee out, do the gardening, visit some places you've always wanted to go and listen or watch some you tube videos on self development or enlightenment there are loads to choose from - whatever takes your fancy. There are 5m people in the UK on their own so you are not alone pardon the pun. I am 60 next year I have a dog and a daughter who is mostly in the UK - I've come over here on my own for an adventure and I have a list a mile long of things to do and that interest me. I've found the French most polite and helpful and really kind about my dreadful accent and I eat out on my own and travel on my own. I must say though I never feel alone partly because I have a dog - it's true they are wonderful company and for a rescue dog it changes and can literally save their life - I've never owned a dog before either. Good luck with everything and you will meet someone else when you are least expecting it as you go about your days quite happily feeling content, that is the trick and I promise you it will and does get better just literally take a day at a time, always here to chat if you need a friend, cheers, Sarah


(Julia Stein86) #11

It's okay to feel pain, it's okay not to be okay and be in depression. We are alive and should be proud of our alive and feeling hearts


(Sksprop) #12

Thankyou Sarah. :)


(Alex Crowe) #13

I second Sarah's point about self development. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine told me about Eckhart Tolle, who has countless YouTube videos and has written several books. If you like what he's saying (as I do), pretty quickly you'll realise you have everything you need inside you already. (On a different note, I found deciding to stop being angry about my similar situation was a great help. I chose a date and stuck to it. Best of luck.)


(Bruce Brewer) #14

Simon, on a lighter note; remember when she nagged you about how much time you spent down at the water's edge?...well, now, fill your boots! Look out carp, here he comes!!


(Peter Dawson) #15

Exactly the same thing happened to me (also after 7 years in France). One month after my wife returned to the UK I met a French lady (the best way to improve your language skills). We got married three years ago and la vie est belle pour moi.


(heather clark) #16

I second your advice Alex...I find great comfort in watching/listening to Abraham Hicks on Utube. You don't have to meditate to find inner peace...simply be aware of negative thoughts that pull you down...and look for something uplifting...could be anything...a beautiful sky...bird song...your pet...music. The more you do this...the more you attract good things into your life...and so it goes on. Until he finally retired last year my Beloved worked away...for weeks at a time...so I had to make my own life whilst he was absent. Our marriage nearly fell by the wayside as he wanted to return to the UK...whilst I wanted to stay here in France. It can be lonely...in the beginning...but some one who is happy in themself...is far stronger than some one who needs other people to make them happy. Things always work out Simon...:-)


(Sksprop) #17

Thanks guys, I am really pleased you all took time to reply. :)


(Chris Kaley) #18

Similar situation here - wife decided with a few days notice, that she didn't want to be here (and not with me, either, it turned out later), and left to go back to the Former UK, and all that we'd said we wanted to leave behind. That was over five years ago, and an unfriendly (and lengthy) divorce ensued, which is almost over. From my point of view, moving here was the best thing I ever did, and don't regret it for a moment. It's taken time to pick up the pieces, but life goes on, with new opportunities both discovered, and to be discovered.


(anon88981270) #19

Hi Simon. I just rejoined this site after a while away, so that I could answer your thread. :)

Yes, I'm in a similar position, my thirteen year relationship having ended after living in France for eight years. I know the lost feeling. It's odd when you're used to having someone to turn to at various times and realise there is nobody there now. My mother gets a lot more phone calls than she used to :)

I've been left with a lot of 'stuff' to sort out. I've been separated for over two years now, divorced for a few months, and have moved house recently to a place that's needed lots of work, which has been a bit wearing. I'm starting to see a future though, living in a less isolated place than before, where there may even be things to do once I get everything sorted and can start thinking in the direction of having some sort of social life.

I'd say take it a day at a time and don't rush into a new relationship. I've found that when the opportunity for a new relationship has presented itself I've had a sort of panic attack about going there, with the feeling that life is too short to make another mistake. I'm now divorced for the second time and have been married for three fifths of my life in total, so maybe that panic is understandable. :)

Your post has made me realise though that I have a way to go before I'll feel 'sorted' - mainly practical things like selling my old place. That 'lost' feeling might start to go if I can get on with that instead of avoiding dealing with it as I feel uncomfortable going back to where I have some bad memories. Procrastination doesn't help the lost feeling so I need to pack that in. :)

So probably not much help really, except maybe to let you know there are others out there in the same position. It's a time to review your life and decide where you really want to be and what you really want to be doing. If you have that aspect sorted already then you're ahead of me :) I'm where I am because it's necessary for my children at the moment and I have stuff to sort out in this area. I have no idea where I want to be a couple of years from now. Time will tell, I guess.

Good luck and I hope you lose the lost feeling soon.

Debra


(Beverly Novotny) #20

Hi Simon: I too am in the same situation. My husband of many years decided he wants to live in the US and not France. I'm here in France for my health, which I want it add, is wonderful, so moving back to the US is not an option. Abandonment is quite a shocker and a person must allow time to process it. Grieving is normal, but I would recommend not to wallow in it. A regular schedule helps and so do some committments. I get up every morning before dawn and help a friend do chores. The cold air reminds me I'm surviving and still can feel something and I get some regular exercise I'm getting more involved in the community also, something the Mister would never do. Good luck to you and be nice to yourself! Its a cliche I know, but something better will turn up. I'm still waiting, but I know its out there.