This picture is one of a listing for a property. Switch on your Estate Agent b/s delivery system and come up with a suitable caption
In built hydroponic system
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Beautifully situated, this imposing (1) residence is ideal for enterprising nature lovers (2) who appreciate architectural history (3). While it would benefit from some works (4), it is full of original features (5) and ready for immediate habitation (6).
1 will impose great strain on your financial resources
2 may be suitable for indoor cannabis nursery
3 in particular fans of unmaintained C16th building techniques
4 installation of water, electricity, phone, complete rebuillding
5 some of which are still attached where they are meant to be, others have fallen on the âfloorâ
6 If you have a caravan or tent you could put in the garden
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In need of a lick of paint. Guide price 600.000 Euros
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you missed off âa month incomeâ
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attractive cornices add to the individual charm of this up market propertyâŠ
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Une maison contemporaine outrageusement chic, avec un joli potager dans la cour intĂ©rieure (Ă rafraichir), entourĂ© de murs en tout genre. Des poutres et une porte donnent du charme Ă lâensemble.
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Charmante et originale rosace de plafond, et rosée au sol 
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I see that youâve dealt with Beaux Villages Immobilier before.
God no, darling! Refurb is so déclassé and outdoor gardening so ⊠Titchmarsh.
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Belle demeure pleine de caractĂšre avec fort potentiel de dĂ©veloppement. Impressionnante surface de culture pour les amateurs dâespaces verts. Frissons garantis pour les aventuriers !
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I really do believe English estate agents (even them!) could learn from this 
They already know the rules. In fact, they probably invented them. Iâm told that immobs as a business is a relatively recent import from the US/UK.
The details of a house I bought in Bristol included, in the description of one room, âbuilt in deskâ. The room was apparently completely empty. My mother asked the agent, âWhere is this built in desk?â
He pointed out, in an alcove beside the chimney breast, a piece of off-cut of kitchen worktop supported by 3 battens.
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Delightful walled garden area
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I hope @captainendeavour wonât mind me sharing this one but I learned a new one today. âMains drainageâ actually meant âif you buy this house it will be connected to the mains (eventually)â 
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I always believed that it meant âdrainage by handââŠ
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Ah - like for the lymphatic system? 
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No - as in emptying the fosse by hand.
If youâre lucky, you can use a shovelâŠ
Ooh⊠yuckâŠ
Yes indeed. They have learned these wrinkles well from their Brit colleagues. The other thing is the affordablity of wide angle lenses that can take in three walls, floor and ceiling.
The DX format camera sensor system drastically reduced the cost of production of lenses, being much smaller than full frame lenses. This was good news for me because, after 35 years of not being able to afford the ÂŁ3k price of a Nikon 15mm lens, Sigma came out with a 10-15mm zoom [15mm - 30mm full frame equivalent] for about ÂŁ450.
This lens became known as the ârealtorsâ lens [in US-speak] because it can produce an image like this.
As railang will confirm this image is a gross distortion of the truth.
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