Danger Alert!

Yesterday I bought one of those plugs that you can use to charge your mobile phone with a 2 pin connector and with a USB link.

We all use them.

It came with a small booklet on instructions!

I mentioned earlier that I am getting slightly past my prime but on the point of throwing away the packaging I noticed there was the usual multi-language instruction manual.

Sadly, the print was so small I need my magnifying glass with a light to read the user instructions.

Amongst many things of note it concluded that:

"This device is not designed to be used by anyone (including children) with impaired physical sensory or mental capacity or by anyone without experience or knowledge unless they have received prior guidance or instructions related to the use of this device from someone who is responsible for their safety."

You will appreciate that this has made me very anxious and I wonder if anyone knows of a service that will come to my house and train me in the use of this device?

I started suffering from an intermittent internet connection last October, it took 7 visits from Orange before it was finally resolved. The first 6 were by sub-contractors (never the same people), the 7th was a pair of guys from Orange who turned up with a van and a cherry picker. After checking every junction box between the house and the village, I ended up with a stable signal that was twice the speed of what it had been.

Just as a PS. After all seemed good, the Domino went back to the Orange shop where it was loaned to us. That was 2 or 3 February. Bear in mind they said we could have it as required for up to three months. I just emptied the post this afternoon to find a letter demanding it is returned forthwith.

Orange's competences are called into question quite often in this household. They do little or nothing to stop those questions arising.

When our email was off during the last few days of January we got a small G3 device called a Domino that Orange gave us for up to three months. It can run three appliances as long as they are in the same room. Anyway, we obviously have a marker in our account after two complaints directly to the CEO of Orange, so two days later the engineers came out. I presented them with four separate line speed tests carried out regularly since last summer and a phone test our electrician made. They fiddled around, mumbled to each other then shook their heads because it would not work. So back outside, back in and tweak, tweak so that they got a signal. All done, pack tools and go time until I stopped them and said wait a couple of minutes. Red light starting flashing well within, back to tweaking. They did things they did not want us to know what they were doing, then waited about 20 minutes giving us a lot of spiel about things that are utter BS but they knew we knew. They were reading a high debit on the line with their device, but when back on we subjected them to several speed tests in our presence. Low debit again. I had sneakily been checking using my tablet whilst they were with us and we had a line. They work for Internet Telecom which the two said is not part of Orange. No, but it is a subsidiary company... Anyway, in the presence of two increasingly angry people they did something they would not admit doing and we were back on after a while. They would admit nothing but we know that if it is in the house we have to pay but on the line we don't. But then they also know I obtained the direct email of Mr Richard, CEO Orange that I will use at the drop of a hat... Next bill should be of greater interest than normal, here we may both be sharpening our teeth!

So, straight jackets are for Orange employees but cudgels for customers...

I highly recommend box sets of 'Allo 'Allo for people wishing to imperfect their Franglais. Officer Crabtee's garble is as good as an official dictionary ;-)

Brian, thank you for that tip, as I did not know you could buy Wi-Fi from the shops. Once I get free of this coat which has sort of tied me up, I will rush out and buy some.

In the meantime I am typing this with a pencil gripped by my teeth one character at a time! But now I need technical support for someone to re-sharpen it!

Do you know where I can buy some "common sense" that I can give to France Telecom staff.

And whilst I am on the topic of FT, we had a problem Thursday with our broadband line. Usually that means their techies are doing something in the area and within a few hours it gets reconnected. Anyway, Thursday that seemingly did not happen, so we called the Anglophone help desk and a very helpful man told us that there had been work in the area but it was now finished and after a series of checks informed us that it was a problem in our home and an engineer would be sent.

I immediately received a text message telling me an engineer was coming Friday morning.

At 7.00 pm, the line reconnected. That usually indicates that the techies forgot to reconnect us and it showed up on their network log.

I sent a text message back in French not to come (I usually write in English and use a Translate program to get accurate French - well close but you have to check for stupidities!) Typed it in, sent it off. Friday morning a techie arrived. So I checked my text message, which my internal phone software really did decide I should be locked up and converted my "perfect" French into something like Franglais - I sort of understood it as I knew what I was trying to say, for example Bonsoir was changed to Boudoir!, but I confess it was pretty useless.

Next time, I will know to change the working language on my mobile from English to French.

Of course I remember when we didn't have phones or indeed TVs, cars and we walked everywhere and life seemed more simple.

oh dear!!!! lol

The trainer will also have to be responsible for your safety… I see white coats and straight jackets looming in the distance:-)

Seems like the instructions for our DVD player that had 6pt type in the 60 page manual in order to get in every imaginable language in 64 pages. It had some gems like saying that electrical equipment should be attached to electricity before using and also that the wifi function is only available where wifi is available. Being a while ago I have recovered from my tears of laughter. Anyway, I made sure it was not accidentally attached to the gas and that I bought a few packets of extra wifi so that we always have some available ;-D