Absolutely Eyenie....can't be forced. One of my observations about online dating for the more mature shall we say, is that at our stage of life and of possible suitable partners, we are somewhat less flexible....family perhaps, work, a network of friends in our area, house that will not sell in the current climate.....it's quite a mouthful to upsticks and move to another part of France, let alone another country.
Tim--as you say, KEEP SMILING! Love always has a way of sneaking up on us when we least expect it...that has been my experience :)
Online dating is definitely becoming more and more common all over the world... and I guess it has its own set of rules and overall "etiquette". Are there any differences any of you have noticed with online dating in France vs. the US or the UK? Also, what are some of the differences you have come across while dating/romancing with French people the old-school way (i.e., sans Meetic and company)?
I can relate to the Internet dating idea. As someone who's not actually in France and has never even had a temporary trip there (unfortunately), this idea has been suggested to me by someone in the know. She said she knew of another American living in the States whose online relationship with a Frenchman not only worked out well but also led up to her having the opportunity to eventually live in France with him. Please note, though, her moving to France was a result of the relationship, not the motive for it. An advantage they had: The couple both were blessed with the money and the time to travel to see each other in their long distance relationship so it wouldn't just be a "pen pal" thing that drifts away after a period of time. Given how expensive airline flights are these days, online dating may turn out to be the most costly way for an American person still in the States to meet up with someone who's French. I'm sure we've all heard the cliche that long distance relationships don't work, but I think in reality it's just more financially challenging for the in-person encounters, not impossible. We now have the wonderful techno invention of Skype. I was advised to register for it because even though Internet access is necessary to use it it's the free version of international phone calling, which helps facilitate online relationships instead of just relying on e-mails only and their limitations.
For people with money and a lack of trust, or think online dating is the nerdy way, we still have the old-fashioned method that comes from being in the right place at the right time. In that within the parameters of the Francophile community there's no shortage of Americans already romantically interested in French people for marriage, myself amongst them, for demographic reasons, the absolute luckiest American women are the ones whose in-person French dating relationships were initiated while still in America (as depicted in the indie film romance "Broken English").
;-)
It would have taken me all day to write some of this :D
Yup - meetic rocks!
area depends a lot, but the internet has had a real impact on rural areas and rural isolation too, it's not at all just a city thing ;-)
Thanks for your comment Andrew! You're right--my article definitely didn't cover everything, and did play it rather "safe" :) Internet dating is indeed growing rapidly! I think it depends on what city you live in, and the milieu, as you say...
I think the above is a rather "coincé" view of France. Internet dating is in the top 4 ways couples meet, work and friends being up there too. There are so many partner swapping and libertine clubs - anything goes in certain areas/milleu.
Hi Eyenie, I've been waiting so long for this subject to come up, I thought I was gonna be the first to finally bring it up, especially from the standpoint of a 100% American woman. I guess you beat me to it. For many, many years, and for reasons pertaining to what first got me interested in the French nationality to begin with, this has been a subject I take extremely seriously. I've been researching a seemingly endless network of American women's expat-in-France blogs and it has come to my attention that it's the American woman who's the lucky one in the relationship with a French guy. Not so much because of how spectacular the guy is, but it's more about how spectacular the American woman is. Knowing French as a second language, being pretty to look at (dressing nice, nice hair, etc.), being an overall sweet-natured and a reasonably sensible, intelligent person to meet, and expressing appreciation for French culture is not enough. Though these are all important attributes, it appears to me that American women's romantic success with that particuliar nationality of men is attained by some inexplicable fortunate endowment above and beyond active personal effort. Many real-life examples I've come across have attained this success thanks to either lucky positioning holding a degree of prestige or prior occupational acheivement directly or at least in some aspect associated with France and the French. I surmise that the majority of American female expats who have done what it takes to become eligible for actual and legal marriage to Frenchmen have avoided men of all other nationalities (including American) alongside being interested in getting romantically involved with that particuliar nationality of men to begin with. Me, after noticing how well-acheived and conspicuously physically attractive the American girlfriends or wives are, I try very hard not to fall into the idea of the French boyfriend or husband being the prize that has to be won after so much overcoming of the not-so-pleasant areas of getting involved with French people up close. Alot of the American female bloggers who show off the fact that they married Frenchmen present it in that such a way. And from that it should be no coincidence that throughout the photos I've seen, some of the most handsome French guys I've seen are already taken by them, displaying the notion that the French guy has been saving himself for an American gal specifically anyway, with what they do for a living and how much money they have notwithstanding. Although I can't say money is a factor in how fantastic their relationship is. According to French culture, it's not supposed to be. I've been told it's an uphill (cultural) battle for an American person to even so much as make friends with a French person, regardless of money or gender! This constitutes that a true, real French-American romantic relationship is a circumstance of miracle. Words of great discouragement indeed. This has perplexed me to no end, very much like how my mom has always tried to convince me by words and words alone that French-American romance and marriage only happens in the movies.
Have you heard of Polly Platt's non-fiction book "Love A La Francaise"? The book's focus is strictly from the standpoint of being American, and puts the emphasis on American women with French men and much less on American men with French women. This made me think the American woman is more of a "big deal" in France-focused love culture more than it is for an American man romantically interested in and marrying a French women. This is regardless of stereotypes of American women in Paris all being wealthy and blessed with perfect everything. I bought it and read it and I was somewhat disheartened by its idea that if you're American, you have to be something akin to a beauty queen or a woman of other extravegantly special accomplishment in order to get lucky enough to qualify to marry a Frenchman - an impression that strongly upset me. It kind of gave me a bit of an inferiority complex, as if to imply that only a certain "type" of American woman can make it happen, or at least get in the position to try. Unfortunately, the book brings nothing up concerning the bureaucratic red tape, civil, and legal hassles of French-American marriage. I had to learn about that side of it from the blogs. The challenge of the French-American couple dealing with the administration aside from ordinary everyday living concerns is a mutual labor of love, it appears. Of course, that's after the American woman's hard work of getting though the obvious and not-so-obvious cultural differences in the relationship - a different world from and by all accounts harder that being just being friends with a French person (male or female). As far as my own viewpoint goes, one of my biggest hopes is that the woman's age isn't an issue!!
Are you interested in the French-American courtship and marriage culture for your own purposes or are you on it just out of curiosity as an American expat in France looking at others around you? My own longtime interest in the subject applies to the former. I'm glad to see this subject here and I'd love to read further comments and share stories about it!!
Carolyn
Dating in France I have found is VERY difficult....despite my best efforts...zero result! Conventional meetings or the internet.....I put it down to being English and the French stereotypical attitude to us rosbifs. We are cold and bad looovvverrs and eat bad food. I speak reasonable French, but of course face to face they know straight away and on the net I probably do make the odd orthographic or grammer error.....they reach for the delete button! So I have tried other countries....but that has it's problems and not the subject here. Keep smiling!
Thank you so much for your comment Nola! How has dating in France been for you? I'd love to hear about some of your experiences and what you've encountered if you don't mind :) More info and viewpoints are always welcome!
We have definitely dated different Frenchmen! I am not saying that you are wrong, just that I don't agree with you at all!