Death.. seems almost a taboo subject.... some wait too late to get Married

Two dear friends died last week… one in our village… and the other in Paris… both were very well known here … so the whole commune is going through a very bad time…

However, the fact that the Paris friend was NOT married to her long-term partner…has raised all sorts of difficulties… with regard to inheritance/pension rights … and heaven knows what…

At this time of abject misery… her LT partner is suddenly out-of-the-loop. Like so many of us… neither of them had considered Death except in the distant future…and when the one fell ill … it seemed “indelicate” to discuss what might happen if… when… etc… etc. seems, it was never the right moment…:neutral_face:

So… I’m posting this, to encourage anyone …perhaps in a similar situation… to decide that the right moment is … now… and gets the future sorted out…

Marriage-for-All… is just what it says… so easy to organize… the ceremony is only about 15 minutes… and then, relax… and enjoy the rest of your lives…:heart_eyes:

3 Likes

So very sad.
Sad when friends die and nothing can change that.

@Barbara_Deane

It is extremely sad for those left behind…as you say… nothing can change that…

BUT… in order to avoid even more sadness/distress/confusion etc etc for a partner/family… it is a very wise move to get one’s personal affairs in order…well in advance.

You are right.
So where do you begin?

@Barbara_Deane

Each person needs to look at his/her own situation…

I have an 89 year old relative who was rushed into hospital at Easter after collapsing. He was not expected to live. He did, but his wife was informed that he would be going into ‘end of life care’. She discovered that he would be able to move home if there was a suitable bedroom avaliable and if she hired a hospital type bed and other equipment. About a month after that he moved home and was cared for by a team of young nurses who visited three or four times a day.
As soon as he was settled his wife went into his room, shut the door and asked whether he wanted to be cremated or buried. She explained to me afterwards that, despite being married in 1962 they had not quite got around to discussing these things. That surprised me because I know that they have already sorted out the future of their properties. I don’t know the full details but I do know there was one thing he insisted on; there will be no music or singing at his service because he doesn’t like that aspect of things.
He is still alive. Still living in his first floor bedroom, still cared for by the team of young nurses and only leaving the room to be taken into hospital for appointments. He is so pleased that he is able to spend this period of his life in a familiar place with familiar people around him.

2 Likes

Hm. Each to each. I think that funerals are for the living, the dead aren’t in a position to enjoy it or not, and so they should consist of whatever it takes to make the living feel better - so apart from telling my children I want to be cremated, the rest is up to them. I wouldn’t want to be even more of a killjoy than I already will be, if you see what I mean.

3 Likes

My thread is to perhaps make folk get their act together…

It is amazing how many folk do think vaguely about getting Married … or regularising a situation…
but it is put off for one reason or another… or for no real reason at all… just too busy… … and then they find it is too late and their world has fallen apart…:sob:

Yes I agree that a funeral is to help the living feel better.
But apart from sorting out who gets the antiques, the cars,
the property and what is in the bank make sure that you spend
good time with those you care about.
If you are “getting on” get on with enjoying the time you have left.

1 Like

Have had similar discussions with my kids and OH, they still can’t get round to the idea of being cremated but we’re getting there, and I’ve told them to do what ever they like with what’s left when the time comes, by that time I won’t give a monkey’s, they’re the ones who will be left “holding the baby” :smiley:

1 Like

That is life…and it comes to an end at some point.

11 years ago I was to be treated for a serious illness. Before the treatment my wife and I got all our papers in order, not needing to worry about those things during the treatment. I am still here but sadly a couple of years later my wife passed away. At that time too we could focus on the treatment and not all what-ifs.

@anon57071659 … sad to learn about your wife…BUT… you were Married… you had got your act together…sadly not all couples do…

You never know whats around the corner, best to have paperwork done while you are able think clearly. It is important to have right paperwork done, I lived in Texas; they have own laws regulating for instance burial/cremation and such.

Hello - originally from Canada, I have been living in France since 1989. I am still surprised to see that people are not getting married … women / partners in France are better protected when partner passes away (pension plan, …). My French girlfriends tell me that before, in the peace and love era…many couples did not get married…but when time passed… and women were separated / divorced from their partners they realized their loss…YESSSS get married… for a better protection:slight_smile:

2 Likes

or at least pacsed :wink:

@Andrew_Hearne

Some years ago a couple we knew quite well… announced that they were getting married… we had thought they were already… but no. although they were PACS’d… they had discovered that without an actual Marriage… there was some problem with pension or some such… and both were anxious to ensure the financial future of the other…:sunglasses:

anyway… we all attended a lovely wedding celebration… and both are still alive… :heart_eyes:

1 Like

The big difference is that when pacsé (my case) you do need a will to pass things on to the surviving pacsé partner (but have the same inheritance advantages as if you were married), when married it’s automatic :wink:

all very clear here if people want more info :wink:

2 Likes

Hi Andew… useful link, thanks…glad to see it clearly explained.

It confirms that Pension de Réversion will only go to the spouse or ex-spouse…PACS is not enough …that would certainly be why Jean-Charles and his good lady “tied the knot”…after years of PACS…

2 Likes

yep, it’s “almost” the same but the devil is in the detail as your example shows!

1 Like