Dirty tricks

At lunchtime one of the local hunters spotted me, pulled up and said 'Hello'. Then he had a confidential 'word' with me. It was about his wife and something I did to her. No, not what people are instantly thinking!

He is around 70, his first wife died about two years ago. He met a woman in her early 30s and I imagine she smelled the colour of his money, so soon they were married. She has a cleaning woman to look after the house, does supermarket shopping on line and has it all delivered, in fact there is not much she apparently does do. We went to one of the village things where people stand around in umpteen clusters gossiping. She joined us and heard us exchanging chat with the people already with us about food. Basically it was swapping recipes and menus. It would appear that her original cleaner had been doing most of her cooking but now she has another who cannot do the hours to include preparing meals. She is now learning how to cook herself . A French woman who cannot cook may seem as rare as hens' teeth. Well, we found one.

I took advantage. I described how to cook a chicken. The twist is that it was chicken stuffed with fish. Not just any fish, but ideally herring or haddock. The two couples with us and my OH stayed schtumm with silly smirks on their faces. When she went off to note the recipe in the back of her diary there was an explosion of laughter. None of us expected her to try it though.

So, there I was faced with a man who had recently been served chicken stuffed with pungent, smoked fish who had his hunting weaponry in the white van behind him. He actually politely asked me not to share strange 'English' recipes with his wife again.

Now over to you lot. Could we all know what dirty tricks you have played on people?

I remember a story in a German newspaper years ago about a boss who used to overeat and sup a few too many beers at lunchtime and sat in his seat and well to sleep in a couple of minutes. There was a 'do not disturb' sign on his door. One day, person or persons unknown went into his office, put superglue on the back and set of his chair and when he was asleep had locked the door.

He was found in his locked office, severely dehydrated and hoarse from calling for help all night. Because he was a very big man he had to be cut out of jacket and trousers by the emergency service and then taken to hospital. It made news in the equivalent of 'The Sun' because they thought it was nasty but most of the people I knew who were not that paper's readers had passed it around so that we could see it and just about everybody I remember in our building was laughing their heads off. Mind you, the company the man owned had some kind of close relationship with the rag's publisher, so perhaps a bit of a bias had exposed him to public ridicule.

Just watched Matt Damon being interviewed about a film he was making with George Clooney (who is known to be a first class prankster) they were making The Monument Men, a film about the last war. Clooney had told Damon they both needed to work out and get fit....Damon was working out hard every day and watching his diet, and couldnt understand why his trousers were not only not getting any looser....but felt tighter. Apparently Clooney was grabbing Damon's pants every second day and taking them in a tiny amount.....thats what I call a dedicated prankster!

Brilliant! thats def. a story of revenge, a dish best served cold (and fishy)!

A friend told me this one.

A husband swapped his wife for a newer model. She took her share of the furniture, but as the new couple were staying in the new house, she put some prawn shells in the ends of the curtain poles.

Apparently they never did find them and actually took the curtain poles with them when they moved house.

Yum....now those plums and cherries sound wonderful!

Oh..and just read your reply...bullying??? how was it bullying??? I am 100% against bullying. Giving someone a bad recipe isnt bullying. I have been a senior manager within the charity world for years, and came across plenty of bullying. This is what I understand as bullying.

gerund or present participle: bullying
  1. 1.
    use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
    "a local man was bullied into helping them"
    synonyms: persecute, oppress, tyrannize, browbeat, harass, torment, intimidate,strong-arm, dominate;
    informalpush around, bullyrag
    "the others bully him"
    informalbulldoze, railroad, lean on
    "she was bullied into helping"
    And I cant find one element of bullying in what Brian did.

Have just read your comment on politicial correctness Dorothy and cant disagree with it. However, I believe what Brian wrote about was a practical joke....and I dont believe for a second that it was anything other than that. No one was hurt, two people ate a meal which wasnt great.

Sometimes, I feel that there is a ban on fun, mischief etc. and the world is a sadder place for it. Ive had plenty of jokes played at my expensve, but have a great sense of humour and laugh it off. There is a world of difference between denying dignity to minority groups who are being 'shat' on...and giving someone a pretty dire recipe for fish stuffed chicken! Is there really such a total lack of a sense of humour in people out there?

"I wonder which is really best for society? "

I think all of us old cynics know the answer to that one Norm;-)

They lurve junk food down there! Spaghetti is loaded with sugary tomato and factory made frankfurters. They do good noodles, dumplings, chow mein, chorizo (but sweet not spicy) BBQ pork and chicken, meatballs, fish. Drinks are usually fizzy branded American. Beer is OK, Rum OK, Gordons gin, Coconut wine. People are eating all days and fixed meal times are virtually unknown. Shopping twice a day as most people don't have fridges let alone freezers. Their FB pages are always full of photos sitting with a large meal and showing their friends how well they are eating!!They are a very HAPPY people generally despite the well known problems of poverty, climate, earthquakes etc and some terrorism in the south. Health service doesn't exist. You have to pay for everything and you know the result if you haven't any money. It's especially a problem on the islands where a hospital visit could take several hours if not a day.

The great paradox is that cynicism frequently comes with strong conservatism and political correctness with liberality - no association with political parties intended. Where as one may oppose change and progress, the other defines both and adds a form of ethos that demands always being conscious of one's words and actions. That often means doing and saying the 'right things', even though they may not concur with the preferences or opinions of the individual. A true cynic likes nothing.

It makes it very hard to tell the underlying rather than superficial differences between them, which is why the likes of social psychologists and sociologists amuse themselves endlessly with both but the former in particular. Sometimes they do so mercilessly.

You could be right Vic. I have noticed one thing in my dotage though is that Cynics are the most tolerant, and from where I stand the PC ones are the least tolerant.

I wonder which is really best for society?

Pity you weren't invited for the meal. Yummy.

its probably one of the few dishes Ive never tried! I might look it out now Shirley!

Actually Theo when Brian first wrote that leading piece....initially I thought it was some weird recipe I hadnt heard of....not so far fetched when you consider Hestons snail porridge and bacon and egg ice cream...plenty of 'surf and turf' recipe's out there....thinking about it....I might just tweak that idea Brian and give it a go...

you're so kind Brain! What happen if this now becomes a French specialty? There are Indians making roll-mops, pickled herring with curry...

Years ago on a skiing holiday in Austria me & a mate frequented a locals only bar & were very well received ( at least our duty free baccy was) They taught us to say "Prost", we taught them to say "bollocks". I often wonder what the next brave Englishman who ventured into their bar thought.

haha! love it!

My sister in law is Philippino....my brother says he has to gird his loins for her cooking night (a rare event as she doesnt like cooking but just occasionally misses food from home) he says its not one of the best cuisines. When he has visited Manilla...he either eats junk food or cooks fresh for himself.

No- but it's very "pongy"!!!!! The Indian one is as Carol says Bombay Duck but I'm pretty sure that one is spicy. In fact Philippino food is by and large not very spicy.