Doctors Advice


(Stuart Wilson) #1













I
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?

A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't
waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make
you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want
to live longer? Take nap.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol
intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of
goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I
calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat,
your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one,
etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My
philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad
for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable
oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting vegetable be bad for
you?!?

Q
: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it
get bigger. You should only do sit-up if you want bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy?!?
HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food
around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming
good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape
important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I
hope this has cleared up misconception you have had about food and
diet.

And remember:

Life should NOT be journey to grave with
intention of arriving safely in attractive and well-preserved body, but rather
you skid in sideways on 1 leg- Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a
ride!!"


AND.....

For those of you who watch what
you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health from the good Doctor.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional
studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a
lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..

5. The
Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.







CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.





















(Sandy Whitehead) #2

Love it!! Only just saw this, have to say my REAL French GP does say a lot of the same sort of things. He was once described to me, while he was at News Years Eve party, as seeing how many women he could swing round above his head during the evening!! that may or may not be true but I actually can imagine him doing it!! At last some sensible medical advice on how to live!!


(Stuart Wilson) #3

Wohooo someone read it at last!! Thanks Julie