Shocking figures here - Thankfully I have never been in this position but we are now being made aware how many women suffer abuse at the hands of their partners, not only in this country of course 
As a man, of course, I feel thoroughly ashamed that my gender is responsible for such misery, but to suggest that âwe are now being made aware of itâ flies in the face of history. When I had my police training in the late 80s, I remember well the trainer telling us how in the past the police operator would say to a woman complaining of conjugal violence:âIs he hitting you now?â If no, then âgo and see a solicitorâ. The attitude of police officers was undergoing change from then. The trouble is that most women complained, and then backed down, sometimes as we were arresting their partner. This made domestic violence situations very dangerous for us. I donât say this as a criticism, as there were very valid reasons why they did so. However, it made prosecution very awkward.
I wonder if there is need for a public awareness campaign; who does not know that men kill their partners ? (I think in the UK it is 2 a week). I am not sure what can be done, we men are just naturally violent. I doubt that the figures are any lower now than 30 years ago, but maybe they arenât higher. It is shocking, but I am not sure of any solution.
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Having just retired, I can say that nearly every âjobâ a Police officer goes to now is a domestic incident. All are given positive action, even if there are no complaints, but any mention or possible evidence of an offence (by either party) is acted upon. Again this opens up the officers to more criticism and scrutiny.
After domestic incidents, most of the other incidents are to do with Mental Health, again these are often related to DV.
I donât know if there are any solutions, the âstateâ (in its various guises) can assist and the Police can put orders in place, without a conviction/complaint (domestic violence protection notice/order), but these are often ignored. If one life is saved, it is worth it.
Hello Ronald
What I should perhaps have said is that as tomorrow is International Day for The Elimination of Violence against Women then public awareness is being stepped up , and quite rightly too !
Yes the police are trained to deal with the situation but sadly justice lets the victims downâŠread this report.
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-survivors-fight-safety-justice-perpetrators-walk-free-2/
I donât know the answer to this problem or the one of sexual harrasment or the many other other âuncomfortableâ situations that woman are often placed in. Sad isnât it how many women, children too, suffer abuse at the hands of the stronger sex.
Before I am accused of discrimination I do know that some men also suffer abuse from violent partners but are too ashamed to seek help.
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The report doesnât really tell us anything that we donât already know. It is a sad fact that many men treat women in an unacceptable way, a word that doesnât do justice to what happens in many cases. Drink-driving and smoking on public transport used to be tolerated but are not so now. I donât know if it is possible that violence against women could go the same way. I regret that I do not have much confidence that it could.
As a survivor of 17 years of domestic abuse ⊠I am one of the lucky ones ⊠still alive and now enjoying a full and happy life . Itâs even more complicated for expats they often feel more isolated with nobody to talk with âŠ
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It is terrible that we are often powerless to assist those who need help most. Either the law does not allow, or the circumstances. I have dealt with these issues, and reports/papers/analysis however honest, can never reflect what happens in real life. It is real life and the relationships/difficulties within that we must deal with. Every situation is bespoke. We try our lardest to help.
Fantasic Ruth, it is great to hear about those who have survived.
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Thank you Ruth for sharing this with us, good to know that you are now enjoying life to the full after such a terrible experience.
Yes it must be complicated for anyone going through this in a country other than their own, I never really thought about it before.
I have found this page on Internet and hope it may be of help for anyone wanting advice on this, divorce, drug abuse and other problems âŠ
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The President is set to bring in some changes âŠ
And for those who want to work on their language skillsâŠ
Ruth, you are lucky to have survived. Bravo. I am also lucky to have survived, but Iâve been in it for 42 years now. Since 1975. Any little thing can set him off - Itâs not a daily tor common thing, but it happens a few times in year that I get beaten for nothing, or voicing my opinion. And when it does, it shocks me, as Iâm speaking only the truth, and I think I should leave, but have nowhere to go - I left my country, my house. and all my family to go with him to his country to give our children a brighter future - which it did, thank goodness for them. It has gone much worse in these latter years. My husband has become a compulsive gambler - I then have to voice my concerns about where all the money has gone, and then he blows up, beats me, saying itâs his money, and he can do what he wants with it (hah - Ivâe been bookkeeping for him all these years -and itâs only because of me he has any money left in the bank at all - this irks him, as he wants to have control of the banking, but has no knowledge of how to do it) - he has no clue how to budget or even use the internet. I should have left him back in the 70âs when he first abused me, but I loved him then. I hate him now, but canât afford to live on my own now as I am on pension. Just 6 months ago, he bashed my head into the wall (Iâm 65 years old, and he is 66), after coming home from 7 hours at the casino, and emptying out the bank account totally. When I confronted him about it, calling him a loser - (well, what else is he?) He got âirkedâ so bashed me. I think this is so disgusting for a man of 66 years old to act in such a manner. So, so sorry now I never left right from the start in 1975 after knowing him for only 4 month, when the first beating ever happened, just because he was jealous of an old flame of mine.
Dearest Jennifer
Please feel free to private message me on messengerâŠI would be very happy to help you if I can ⊠making the final break is always the most dangerous part as it can push them over the edge âŠ
Ruth x
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Jennifer, life is short and itâs never too late to change your situation and start to live in peace. If you are interested in joining a private online group of women who have been in or are currently in similar situations, even if just to talk about it, please send me a private message.
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Hi Jennifer, My partner and I are horrified to read your story, I feel ashamed and embarassed as a male of the species that anyone could treat a woman in this way. Leave this beast and free yourself from this hell. I donât know where you are located but you are not alone. PM us if you are anywhere near St Junien (87) and need help, even if itâs a friendly voice on the end of a line.
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Hi Jennifer where do you live? Please donât feel alone 
this is too sad, you are not alone, please feel free to pm me if you want to chat xxxxxxx
I hope it can make a difference, a friend of mineâs daughter (in france) was killed a few years ago, we had known her since she was a toddler
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I still worry about the 3rd wife of a mutual friend. His first wife divorced him claiming physical and mental cruelty, which was a bombshell to us friends who had no idea and (I regret to say) found it difficult to believe. At the time we thought she was exaggerating âŠ
The second wife died from a bloodclot in the brain, after a âfallâ -and multiple unexplained bruises and old injuries came to light but were never followed up on⊠so he was never investigated let alone charged⊠and life went on.
Third wife ⊠mmm⊠we gently made sure she was aware of the history⊠and she lightly said that she didnât believe he would hurt a fly⊠and, anyway, her brothers would sort him out if he stepped out of line. He was a charmer and she was deeply in love. 
They moved away and we lost touch a couple of years after thatâŠ
The issue is it is often the âcharmers â who end up being abusers
Bluebeard was widely considered attractive and a good catchâŠ