Feeling alone

:hugs::smirk: :purple_heart::heart_eyes_cat:🖒:gift_heart:

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Hi Meghann,

Welcome to France! I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I retired in 2000 and moved from California to France in 2003, after a detour to Hawaii. Neither of us spoke a word of French, and I still can’t say that we are doing much better. French is a very difficult language, even for the French, I am told.

I was definitely not too happy about moving here at first, terror of the unknown, but now I can say that we get along very well. One of my biggest fears was being seen as the “ugly American” and not being accepted. We have only had a couple of experiences when we felt unwelcome but generally find that people we come in contact with, be it our neighbors, people in the street or business people in our area, are much more accepting of us than we expected them to be.

I have made friends almost exclusively by taking a French class through our Mairie. I can’t say that I have made many French friends outside of the classes as none of my neighbors seem to speak English and I am not a “joiner” so haven’t ventured out to many/any activities. My neighbors and I greet each other when we meet in the street and I have to say that they are always very friendly. Also, once a year there is a Fete des Voisins (block party) and everyone is very patient with my mauvais French. The friends that I have made through the classes are English, Dutch, Scottish and a few Americans, so you might try that if it is available in your area. The biggest problem is that we end up speaking English when we meet for coffee, so not making lots of progress.

I also understand missing certain foods and the non-availability of ingredients to make them yourself. Our local supermarkets have “foods of the world” sections and I am happy to say that they provide some variety for us. We also order from myamericanmarket.com. They have a lot of products available; however, sadly for my waistline, they tend to be sweets. You can get items such as Ranch Dressing, StoveTop stuffing mix, and quite a few other items to help with the withdrawal, especially around holidays like Thanksgiving.

I do become quite frustrated at times when trying to communicate, but find that the people with whom I am speaking are very eager to help me and will keep trying long after I have wanted to give up. We are also very fortunate to have two doctors who speak English, one British and one French, but who is completely fluent and doesn’t mind using English.

I would say that the most important thing that you must ALWAYS remember to do is when entering a place of business, call out “Bonjour” even if you do not see anyone there, as they will hear you from the back room. Also, to say “Merci, bonne journée” when leaving, even it you have not purchased anything, nor asked for assistance. It is very important to convey that you are treating everyone politely and not as a servant. If you remember this one, seemingly small thing, you will find that people will usually bend over backwards to help you. My husband isn’t always good about remembering to do that and it is made very evident that it is not acceptable behavior.

Hang in there, relax, find a French course, and you will quickly find that France is a lovely place to live, albeit with a few hiccups usually a result of communication problems. I have found the website “Duolingo” to be very helpful with learning French and “DeepL” which is a translation website that has saved my life on more than one occasion.

As you can also see, the members of Survive France are wonderful and will always do their very best to give you a hand or just a virtual hug, when you need one. Another positive aspect is that they don’t go on and on as I have just done!

Wishing you the very best in your new adventure.

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Thank u from my heart for taking the time to share ur thoughts. I needed ur encouragement… It’s a huge change but we r happy we came here. And who doesn’t like a good challenge, right?

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You are very welcome, it was my pleasure. Keep that positive attitude, and you will do just fine. I forgot to mention another site that has been helpful for us. It is called renestance.com and was created by a fellow American woman. I find that the majority of sites are geared towards the British and our American requirements are quite different, at least until their Brexit happens and then they might be in the same boat as we are. Anyway, when we decided to apply for the French health program, Carte Vitale, Renestance was able to answer some questions for me regarding the forms and the application went very smoothly and we now have our medical cards! they will help with many different issues so if you get in an administrative bind, you might want to give them a try.

Don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions as I would be happy to try and help.

Take care,

Nancy

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Hi Meghann,
Even though I’m new to this website, I noticed your posting and thought I would add my two cents! Although I’m not born and raised in the US, I know how challenging it can be leaving everything you know to start a new life somewhere else (even if you know it’s the right thing to do). It makes it doubly hard when you can’t understand a word anyone’s saying!
Don’t give up hope of learning French. The great thing we have found is that even if you only know a few words, you’ll be really surprised at how lovely the French people are at helping you if you get stuck with the odd word or six! Have you thought about joining a walking club or going on some of the local randonnée (walks) with your puppy? It’s a great way to get to know people.
On another note… here’s a website link I found for US yummies - it might be useful! :smile:

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We all try to learn in a way we we feel comfortable. I have a French wife and I have to say having a French partner is one of the WORST ways of learning their language! My wife hears every error I make and it becomes a personal insult to her in company!

My best source and suggestion is to latch onto a free online ‘course’ - although it is not really a course but a series of bits, but very clear and very good-humoured. Find it online (Youtube) ‘Alexa’. I download her free programmes so I can return to them often.

Meghann hasn’t posted on SF for some time - I think she’s still in France though, or at least was the last time she updated her FB page.

The Facebook page she didn’t have :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

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Those of us who were here when Meghann started this post all tried our best to help with good advice, she was in a situation where she really did need to get something sorted out for her children’s sakes. No food, 'phone etc; etc; , French husband who didn’t help, lots of stories that made no sense.
I, and I am sure others too, were in private contact to offer what support we could.
It appeared that Meghann didn’t like practical advice and so she has disappeared ever since …

Thanks guys for being so kind in my absence. Im back in California.

Reopened my fb as suggested by you all

Are the kids OK - back in school etc. ???

Well it would have been kind if you had let those of us who were concerned know how you, and more importantly , the kids were doing Meghann.

I hope that you are all well and happy …

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Why does Meghann’s photo bob up and down? Can I get a bob-up-and-down icon too? Or perhaps a 360° swivelling head like that little girl in “Omen”? Or is the heat making my head throb?

Hello Fellow Americans, Montana here. Totally get the gets lonely bit. I came out on my own. I do find the French people to be amazingly kind and friendly if they see you trying to speak French. I am out in the Haute Vienne near Limoges. Hang in there, it will get better, just remember why you came…Hugs

:slightly_smiling_face: Bonjour - inloveinfrance. Motivation to make the move out to the streets can be rather daunting - and if you have a language barrier even more so. I took out a real camera (not a phone) and walked around my local streets in Villeneuve, Switzerland. I soon had passers by stopping and asking what I was photographing. So striking up just one conversation, albeit with little French - I found I was laughing and feeling more connected with my new town. :grinning:

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