French mother living in Brittany -English children living in UK

She seems to have that in hand already. “She is now 95 years older, rents her apartment, qualifies for home help care and a nurse comes in twice a day to help with her medical needs.”

Well spotted Jane :rofl:

Yes, my reply was suggesting help for non medical matters, also the link I provided has a wealth of information on that and more besides, including homes.

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@Anglozone
Aide à domicile… that is worth everyone noting…

as it’s not just for the elderly and infirm.

A neighbour used their services while his wife was back in Scotland… meant she came home to a nice tidy place instead of the usual tip… :rofl:

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Also the tax breaks for using services à la personne are pretty helpful! 50% tax credit is not to be sniffed at if you pay any tax.

This may be worth a look as well depending on Mother’s income level.
Izzy x
https://www.pour-les-personnes-agees.gouv.fr/preserver-son-autonomie-s-informer-et-anticiper/perte-d-autonomie-evaluation-et-droits/lallocation-personnalisee-dautonomie-apa

Thank you all so much for your advice. Been using google translate all night!:smiley:

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For me, thé obvious thing would be to contact a French avocat in the UK. Pay a professional to learn the rights etc.

The French system of the children having to pay for their parents care is appalling IMO, where is the personal responsibility?

It’s sort of a pay back time, parents are legally obliged to pay for their children’s studies, uni etc. and financial help/reliance often goes on well into the child’s/children’s late 20s. It’s seen as normal for their to be a pay back at the end. We’re all well aware of that for my in-laws, it’s just another example of a more latin rather than anglo-saxon approach : la famiglia è tutto!

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95 years of personal responsibility don’t count?

I think this approach is better for society than thinking that the state will provide and you can leave your elderly relatives to be placed in a sub-standard local authority care home miles from where they used to live. It is not expected that the family will do everything, but just according to their means.

There are times when it is unfair, in cases of parental abuse for example, but overall it’s sensible.

(And another post reminds me of the another side of this coin. Here grandparents have a legal right to seek access to grandchildren, and in the UK there is no such law. You have to petition the courts which is far less certain)

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Hi Andrew, this issue has come up with my partner. She is one of four children. Her mum, who she hasn’t had any contact with for 25 years is now in an EPHAD or care home. Yesterday she met with an avocat in Albi who told her that she, plus her brothers and sisters plus their children are responsable for paying for the upkeep of their mother/ grandmother. This means that there are actually thirteen people responsable for the charges for the old lady.
It is now incumbent on all thirteen to declare their assets etc to the avocats to complete the dossier and find out who pays what. The spouses of the grandchildren aren’t deemed responsable . But, legal spouse ´s assets count apparently. Not me however as my partner and I are not married or Pacsed etc
It gets complicated…

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So children live in nests by themselves, buying or making their own clothes, doing their own laundry and being fed by the birds? They get themselves to their doctor/dentist’s appointments, have their own hair cut, organise transport to sports clubs and music lessons etc for which they also pay?
Family is about support which goes both ways, give and take, everyone does both at various times in their life.

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I’ve been mulling this over… and dredging up memories of my childhood.

I think family responsibility has perhaps simply been “forgotten” in the UK…

As a youngsgter, it was just how things were… totally normal to have all sorts of people staying with us… an aunt… an uncle… sometimes both together… throughout the year.
It was fun for us kids, since they always had stories and tales of their lives/experiences.
We would really look forward to these visits, year on year.

As I got older, I understood that their visit to us was to give them a holiday… a change of air for their health … and it also lightened the load on the folk with whom they lived full-time.

No-one went into a Home… only hospital if they were very ill and unable to be looked after by the/our family.

Money was scarce but love and care was in abundance… but I am talking of quite a long time ago… :wink:

It would seem that the financial burden is inversely proportional to the number of offspring. Another problem is that many children of the parent needing care will already be in retirement. As an only child I favour the British system. I would hate to be a financial burden on my son in the years ahead.

we’re pacs’d so I’m “in the system too” :open_mouth:

I will use the example of my wife’s grandmother who rented a council owned property until she had to go in a home, she had no savings and her only income was the UK state pension. When she went into the home she had one living child (my MIL) who under the French system would have had to make a considerable contribution to the weekly costs which at the time were £700, regardless of whether my in-laws could afford it or not is that fair?

Pay back time Andrew, enjoy. :grinning:

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As I understand things… it is le Tribunal who decides whether or not one can afford to pay … means testing can be useful.

I have two French kids, Tim, swings and round-a-bouts… :wink:

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