Help - My house has become a Drug Den!

I’m currently amused by the entertainment that is my new French neighbours. I have an old fella Monsieur Le Corse who advises me to maintain my garden because ‘les ados’ will set fire to it. I haven’t the heart to tell him, that could possibly be the best thing to happen to it, might save me a few thousand euros if it was all burnt away.

That would be ok as long as it spared the big fig tree (which despite a bumper crop I still haven’t managed to get a ripe fig off yet - must have been les ado’s again - or was it Monsieur mon voisin?) We told our friends to help themselves but I’m guessing there wasn’t much to help themselves too (for years it has been the free fig tree as Madame the previous proprietere wasn’t able to maintain the garden. There are stories of hundreds of spaniards coming & raiding the fig tree when the vendange was underway back in the 60’s & 70’s. It is with this history in mind & my love of figs that I want to keep this fig tree. I’m in dispute with my hubby about this who wants to quote “flatten the lot and start again”.

Fair enough the fig tree behind the house (which shields the drug dealers) has termites and needs to come down, the other trees have self sprouted for many years and it now looks like a jungle through which you need a compass to navigate. The huge pine trees are lovely but I suspect may interfere with our plans for Geothermic Ground Source Heating. Sorry trees but energy production comes first, I’ll plant some more (with smaller roots) later.

So then I also have Mr Nosy who lives over the road. Every time I go to the house (this is the rat house not our current house) he likes to inform me who has trespassed, how he can help me (alight me of the old woodburner in the garage, trim my fig tree etc all for a reasonable small fee of course). But this time it wasn’t me who had the interesting experience but a visitor.

This chap was measuring up our house for drawing up plans when he was approached by Mr Nosy. He told a torrid tale of how the English man’s stable (my future kitchen) has turned into a drugs den with ‘les ados’ using all sorts of drugs paraphenalia in there. He went home & brought back a touristy gift shop kinda looking bong according to my source. He went on to advise how he chased them away and one of them showed him her Fesses, so he told her Dad & then she said it was Mr Nosy who showed her his Fesses. I kid you not, this was the story as reported.

So our conclusion, a few kids were smoking a couple of cigarettes and possibly a spliff and one of them brought along a toy bong but they probably haven’t got a clue how to use it (neither have I incidentally but I’m fairly sure it was all pretty minor). Now before anyone jumps on me for condoning drug use, I’m not but I did find this whole story pretty amusing. What amuses me the most is that these kids are well known - it’s a small village. When I was a kid we were anonymous & chased by the police on horses for hanging around our park, school, shops. In our village it’s Mr Nosy doing the chasing. I suppose it brought back teenage memories. If my kids are going to get caught being naughty in years to come I’d like to think it’s by Mr Nosy & not Monsieur le Gendarme.

Thank goodness for Nosy neighbours - they make our community what it is.

thanks James, I’ll look forward to the lights at Christmas then. You are right though, it is a very handy place to be, 10mins for Darren to walk to work & only 5 mins for me to get to Waitrose…perfect city dwelling. I’d have loved to have lived here before we had children for those proper post work evening drinkies & being so close to everywhere by tube that you don’t need a car or taxis to get anywhere.

For kids, less exciting…no kiddie parks nearby although the museum of docklands is good & has a soft play area & it’s free! Jubilee park is nice to sit in summer for a picnic on the grass or Canada Place & watch Wimbledon on the big screen.

It’s a good experience for us, one I won’t forget and neither will our 2 year old even if she does still call it ‘Daddy’s London’. Bless x

ah for nosy neighbour you need to live in our block in Canary Wharf - we are opposite 2 residential skyscrapers called Pan Paninsula, hours of entertainment just watching the goings on. The kids prefer watching the DLR (docklands light railway) but they haven’t got anyone to wave back yet.