In the days before my offspring had reached their teenage years, I used
to read the infamous ‘Living with teenagers’ column and think to myself,
‘Ha! My children will never be like that’. Well ‘Ha bloody Ha’ is all I
can say to that thought now. Admittedly they are not quite as rude and
don’t swear quite so much, but other than they, they are becoming
horribly similar.
It doesn’t help that we’ve inherited a spare
teenage nephew so we’re now up to three. And the husband and I are
feeling decidedly outnumbered. This also means that there are now six of
us sharing a bathroom. The mornings see the girls spending at least an
hour in there before they emerge, immaculate, to face the rigours of a
day at school. Hair is done, eyebrows tweezed, nails manicured and
subtle make up carefully applied. The husband and I meanwhile, are lucky
if we manage to get in there for long enough to clean our teeth. The
small son is not really a problem; I just chase him into the bathroom
once a day and scrub him from head to toe. The teenage nephew requires
the same treatment but it seems rather inappropriate so I resort to
snarling, ‘Go and clean your teeth. NOW.’ It doesn’t help that he
refuses to wear underpants. He sees this as being anti-capitalist. I see
it as being rather gross. And it seems doubly ironic as I have only
just got the small son to a stage where if he dresses himself, he
actually remembers to put his own underpants on.
The girls are
both now the same size as me and have taken to wearing my clothes. This
means that finding anything that is both clean and that I want to wear,
has become a daily challenge. I’ve taken to storing my clothes in the
office as all under 18’s are banned from there. Given the bathroom
situation, I also tend to get dressed in there. However there are no
curtains so I am forced to do this in the dark or risk scaring ‘les
voisins’ opposite.
The amount of food they get through is
unbelievable. The weekly shop now requires at least two able bodied
people. And a suitcase full of cash. And despite the mountains of food
that come into the house, there is still never anything left in the
fridge. The washing machine is on day and night and the family car
should be renamed ‘the taxi’.
All of this isn’t anything new, as
parents of teenagers everywhere will testify. So I shouldn’t moan
especially as ours are (sometimes) helpful, funny and appreciative. And
at least they all still want to be cuddled…
Wow - thats pretty good going these days
Must be nice to have him back Steve!
I feel your pain.