Just a little update. It will be 8 weeks on Sunday since my beloved Gordon died. It is getting harder rather than easier, I think the reason is that I have now dealt with about 99% of the paperwork and having to go out most days to appointments etc. now most of the time I am on my own, I do visit Gordon 2-3 times a week and get little bits of shopping and our friends take me for heavy shopping once a fortnight.
I keep losing things and forgetting things. I am very frightened of the future which I suppose I shouldnât do because it is so scary.
Margaret, I really feel for you.
It is hard enough to lose the one you love without the added stress of not being in your home country.
It is totally normal to feel as you do when the round of dealing with things becomes less.
If you can start a routine of your own you will find it helpful.
I am sure that you are in the thoughts of many of us here on SFN.
I hate that you are feeling so frightened, and yet I know itâs part of the process; do you agree? I realize that having some empathy doesnât provide solutions for you.
You are living in a new way, and any small steps or small victories you have in your life, should be noted - if you donât mind my suggesting such.
Your progress, is perhaps a testimonial to all of the good things that you both had. There are big holes in your life now, but I would like to offer a thought: perhaps just having had such a loving wonderful relationship in your life is perhaps helping you to be stronger now. Itâs a testament to him, when you are moving forward. You will never ever forget him, and he will always be with you in spirit. Thatâs a given. If I may say soâŚ
Baby steps. Every good step you take, could be like saying âthank youâ to your beloved Gordon. Could you possibly think of it in that way, perhaps?
And, donât worry about losing things and/or forgetting things. Please be easy in your mind, a bit, about that. Itâs going to happen (goodness knows I hate it when I lose/forget things! Itâs so frustrating sometimes.).
So good to hear from you. Please keep posting updates. Wishing you well, and thinking of you!
Thank you Jane but to change a routine after so many years is really really difficult and frightening also. I know I have to do something but no idea what yet.
Margaret, Many have been where you are at the moment. I went through it all several years ago. The whole gambit; even thought of suicide! Nothing anyone can say seems to help. Only the passage of time seems to ease the pain, and it will. My personal experience is that with the passage of time you donât forget and your memories will make you sad at times. The upside is that, with time, you can bear the thoughts and memories with a fortitude you simply canât believe at the moment.
Iâve no experience of this Margaret so wouldnât attempt to give advice. Except that there are networks on Facebook ⌠Widows and Widowers in France, for example, who more than anyone else might understand and be able to give relevant advice.
A friend of mine who was suddenly widowed - her husband went out to walk the dogs and had a heart attack - told me that the best advice she was given was âsay yes to everythingâ. Difficult and took a lot of courage ⌠but she now says it opened up a lot for her. Perhaps at the mairie there are details of local clubs and English-speaking groups around. Perhaps even a course of French lessons might introduce you to new people.
Stay strong. Youâre a stronger woman than you believe yourself to be. Donât make hasty decisions about the future - the right path will become clear as the trauma and your emotions settle.
You wouldnât be normal if you didnât feel as you do. I kid you not, I know how you feel, itâs the end of the bloody world!!! Each day, each week, each month, it eases just a little and then you will one day realise that you can look the whole world in the face again. Hang in there, Iâm sure you are tougher than you feel right now.
Incidentally, it can help to talk it out but itâs certainly not a requirement. Anytime you feel like it just âtalkâ away.