Margaret, please keep posting updates.
I hate that you are feeling so frightened, and yet I know it’s part of the process; do you agree? I realize that having some empathy doesn’t provide solutions for you.
You are living in a new way, and any small steps or small victories you have in your life, should be noted - if you don’t mind my suggesting such.
Your progress, is perhaps a testimonial to all of the good things that you both had. There are big holes in your life now, but I would like to offer a thought: perhaps just having had such a loving wonderful relationship in your life is perhaps helping you to be stronger now. It’s a testament to him, when you are moving forward. You will never ever forget him, and he will always be with you in spirit. That’s a given. If I may say so…
Baby steps. Every good step you take, could be like saying ‘thank you’ to your beloved Gordon. Could you possibly think of it in that way, perhaps?
And, don’t worry about losing things and/or forgetting things. Please be easy in your mind, a bit, about that. It’s going to happen (goodness knows I hate it when I lose/forget things! It’s so frustrating sometimes.).
So good to hear from you. Please keep posting updates. Wishing you well, and thinking of you!