Realisation

[GusMorris]

Back in the late 1980s we bought ourselves a holiday home in the South of France. My wife had had been in a nasty accident and felt that a few weeks every year in a warm climate would help her recover. I stayed at work and she came down here for the summer.

Then in the early 1990s, just after I had turned fifty, my employer offered me early retirement with an immediate pension. We found ourselves living abroad most of the time and sold our house in the UK and got our first Cartes de Sejour. Later on we bought another house in France. One more suitable for permanent residence. Plus a something we had always dreamed of. Next to the Med.

And the years passed. We got older. My wife had more medical problems and, sadly, she was diagnosed with cancer and died earlier this year.

Which brings me to the point I want to make. Some people said to me “So you will be going back to the UK now?”. And I replied “No”. Consciously acknowledging something that had been a reality for many years. France is my home. Some of my children and siblings live in North America. Perhaps it’s a genetic thing. This is not so unusual. When I look at the Anglophones that I have met in France many have similar family backgrounds.

[Jane_Williamson]

We would never go back to UK.
We have one daughter and her family in UK and another in Munich.
They can drive or fly and spend two weeks at least with us in the summer.

[Shiba]

Your story is very much like mine. Bought end of the 80’s for holidays then moved a couple of years later, obtained CDS,started business and life changed forever. Lost OH suddenly in 2011 with no warning apart from a few pins and needles in one arm but he put that down to his work. After he died, I had the same response not just from family in UK but french friends in asking if I was going back to the UK - that made me shudder to the thought of going back there and to where? Now my daughter and her husband live in the US, I sold and had a new house built down here not that far from you to be near my son, his partner and two small grandchildren whom I would have hardly seen if I had stayed in Bretagne. I have experienced far more in France with real life than I had previous to leaving the UK, where it was a monotonous live to work existance all the time.

[SuePJ]

I think much depends on whether one has family or not and where that family is located.
We’ve friends who have been here many years who, in the end, have gone back for family reasons - to be closer to grandchildren especially.

We just have ourselves and we are beginning to talk about what “the one left” will do.
We love our life here (17 years - longest we’ve been anywhere) but some health issues in the last couple of years or so have meant we are facing our mortality.

Would the one left stay here on their own? Possibly not. Never say never.

[Shiba]

Maybe time to consider changing your home for a smaller place or for the surviving spouse to consider. To me the thought of going back to the UK was not even on my horizon, where would I go and how would I afford those horrendous property prices over there where now, a million squid is commonplace to spend plus the thought of that weather in winter too! I regret that OH and I never talked about what would happen eventually, think he just knew he would go first and whatever happened, the kids would look after me and do the right thing. Its not a nice subject to address but like it or not, none of us can escape the grim reaper and maybe some comfort for the survivor is the fact that they decided to change direction with the blessing of each other. I was left with a big empty house, a lot of garden to contend with and not a lot of money for the upkeep it required, getting rid and starting again has been a godsend and I know OH would be proud of us all and might have even like living elsewhere although he hated new builds with a vengeance.

[David_Spardo]

@SuePJ

Would the one left stay here on their own? Possibly not. Never say never.

Pretty sure many people on here know the answer to that in my case, there is no question about it in my mind, this little house is the last one I will ever live in.

It is a very good thing that I don’t want to go back, simply because I couldn’t afford it if I did. The value of this place is a tiny fraction of what I would need to buy in Blighty and, on top of that, the inheritance laws here mean I would only get half of even that.

But I have felt the vague presence of the Reaper away in the background and have worked out the minimum of arrangements to make now. It starts with my excellent neighbour, Marie-Paule, in concert with the shortly to retire aide to Fran in her final years. The latter is Scottish, speaks French like a Canadian, fluently, and between the 2 of them they would organise everything here, plus a call to my former wife in Nottingham who is the hub of all the children and grandchildren.

My greatest worry is not dying in my sleep, because M-P would notice the closed shutters, but dropping dead in the day time which could delay things for days as the shutters would remain open. A friend knows where the dogs need to go so he is on the list.

There is a vote today in London about assisted dying. Doesn’t affect me, the vote I mean, but the thought of relying on others to put an end to a painful and paralysed existance, does. So my one wish is to go, if not suddenly, but at least to know when it’s time and have the ability to take the necessary step myself. If this vote passes, there needs to be one doctor to say yes, a wait of 2 weeks for another to agree, and another 2 for a judge’s opinion. 6 weeks in interminable agony just doesn’t bear thinking about.

Oh, where did all that come from? I’ve come all over chilly, must get straight out into this lovely warm sunshine.

[David_M_Matthews]

@GusMorris

Some people said to me “So you will be going back to the UK now?”.

I was asked a similar question by a second home owner only they started by asking, “When will you return…” The couldn’t or wouldn’t understand when I said never, my home is here.

[Gareth]

Friends living in the UK have asked me if I’ll ever return “home”, or when I’ve been back in the UK they’ve asked what it feels like to be “back home”. I always correct them and say that France is my home now.

Never say never but currently I don’t see myself moving back to the UK. I enjoy the French lifestyle, the weather, the food, etc… too much. So for the moment I intend to keep contributing to my French pension for the next 20 years as it is significantly better than my UK state pension. Plus I knew that stepping off the UK property ladder 5 years ago meant it would most likely be impossible to ever rejoin it.

The only reason I can possibly see me temporarily moving back would be for family reasons. My mum is in her late 70s now, so I need to consider that… but maybe I should just ship her out to live here in France My son is a dual national so although he’s living in the UK for now, I don’t know where he’ll end up.

[JohnH]

@David_Spardo

If this vote passes, there needs to be one doctor to say yes, a wait of 2 weeks for another to agree, and another 2 for a judge’s opinion. 6 weeks in interminable agony just doesn’t bear thinking about.

I’ve thought about this a lot in recent weeks as there’s a higher than average chance that I might want to avail myself of such a service.
I feel the current UK proposal has struck the right balance between the desire to avoid a protracted, unpleasant end and the need to ensure that the appropriate safeguards are in place, minimising the risk that inappropriate pressure has been applied to the seriously ill.
Many cancers can result in a pretty grim path to death but with sufficient forewarning to make an informed choice. If you asked me today, I would want a managed route out if my prostate cancer turns nasty, but I also recognise that I might have an entirely different view if/when that day actually comes, and it’s one of the few things that might return me to the UK.

[MichaelL]

I’ve yet to live in France, but the last three years I’ve spent a lot of time there and I’ve felt very much at home. It’s been hard returning to the UK.
Is it the quiet rural life? I think that’s a factor but there are so many things that I enjoy. Only the driving is annoying though I’ve yet to deal with officialdom.
I think Greece may suit me even more but I can still visit.

[George1]

For me, the issue of where is home now is particularly highlighted on the rare occasions I drive down the steep hill into the Dieppe terminal, prior to taking the ferry to England…I’m invariably joining dozens of Brits who actually are going home…and I don’t envy them at all. I just think how very lucky I am to be living in this beautiful country, and how quickly can I return back ‘home’ to France afterwards…

Wild horses wouldn’t drag me back to living in England, and I’d probably be instantly divorced by my wife were I to even suggest it!. Unlike my wife, I do like England but I love living in France, and plan never to leave it other than for brief visits.

[Porridge]

It will be different for each of us, of course.

I had friends asking me effectively what the backup plan was and how long I thought we’d be here. I expect to die here, and that Madame will outlive me. I don’t know what she’d do then, and she doesn’t either. I can’t plan that far in advance, but I know Someone who has

[Shiba]

You just get on with your life as much as is near normal I can tell you that. To up and leave all the memories and input in the property is just not as easy as you would think and life has a strange way of adapting to new circumstances. From my own experience I would not have liked to be in an isolated property away from close neighbours or a small town/village and was lucky not to be so and the neighbours kept an eye on me and I visited them all much more than I had done previously. These days, you have to be a millionaire to go back and buy property in the same vein as most of us have in France regarding location and size and you would end up either renting or buying something you have to put up with but hate. Not only that, if the deceased is buried in french soil, who would visit??

[GhRO]

Good evening.
I’m a live-in caregiver /companion fluent in French who worked for several British agencies, including in the south of France, Gironde. I’m ready to offer my services if you and your family need them - just let me know, and I’m prepared to introduce myself properly, on request. Friendly yours,
Gheorghe

[billybutcher]

<moderator-mode>
Gheorghe - can I remind you of the site terms and conditions:

• commercial self-promotion is forbidden - please do not post links to your own services (advertisement) except in categories where it is specifically allowed. If you make a fee from the referral of a service then it will be considered to be an advertisement.

I realise that you have not posted links and that you have been polite and not pushy but so far not a single one of your five posts has failed to mention the services that you offer and I can’t help but think you joined the site solely as cheap advertising.

If you wish to continue as a member the site then please increase your general participation and reduce the self promotion, thanks.

@cat

</moderator-mode>

[cat]

Absolutely agree @billybutcher , thank you for commenting !

[PhilCAM]

Our decision was made many years ago. I’m for remaining here if I’m last.
The question I dislike is people asking how long will you wait before remarrying. Then the disbelief when I say never (once bitten………)

[Elton]

As has been mentioned, people have different views. Personally, if I found myself being the only surviving member of my household, my OH is older than me, I would move back to the UK. Nearly all of my friends and all of my family are still in the UK, so when I go back there I don’t feel like I’m leaving home. We moved over here because my wife is from Paris. I suppose my reason for having a more tainted view is that when we tried to get married over here 22 years ago, it was made excruciatingly difficult and ultimately impossible, and living with a disability I’ve never gotten used to the idea of buying your health. Also as a self employed person, the different tax and contributions system means that by the time they’ve had their lion’s share I’m essentially left with considerably less of the money that I went out and worked for for my family than they are. I suppose it largely depends on generational environmental, and economic histories as to whether we prefer A or B.

[Gareth]

@GhRO

Sir…

Wow, that’s brazen… Only a couple of posts since Billy’s very polite request!

[KarenLot]

American phone number… so a US billing address for the invoices for advertisements? I guess this explains the lack of site participation for anything else in this case.

Do we have a paid advertisements section on the forum or are people whose sole wish is to advertise personal sevices delivered locally in France, expected to pay for banner ads or something?

Wondering if we could have a forum section for Services Offered with a payment form as first post inviting a token 1 or 2 Euro for each post. We could have a $1 option and a £1 option and a 1 Euro option feeding to a Wise account in background and let people choose which currency they would like to pay 1 unit of to post a personal service offering. Posts could be deleted on a rolling x month(s) basis. Otherwise it would be just free advertising in perpetuity, I suppose.