Should I go or should I stay?

It may sound like we have the same tastes! lol!!

Thanks Janet, perhaps one day - but then you'll probably say I've got too much to talk about!

Janet I think you are in the wrong thread. This is a discussion about the pros and cons of living or choosing to live in France.

One way to bridge cultural difference might be for you to go to them, make the first move or take initiative within their world; certainly don't wait for them to come to you. The French just won't...and you will always remain different, maybe even hold a reputation for being different because they think you want to stay that way and maybe they just want to respect that, your right to stay different.

Well, of course you are different, have different roots and family heritage and tastes and even values. So, why should they accept you if you don't show that you want to be accepted by them, in all your difference?

Well, they will eventually accept you, I believe, if you make an effort to join their way of life and of doing things. How's your French? Who are the candadates for the 2012 Presidential election and what are their platforms? Know the French and first accept them and their ways, which seems a normal thing if you are the foreigner and they are the natives. Do that and they will gather around you like a flock of sheep, but to hear "bahs" and opinions and thoughts they are not used to hearing. Yours. That should make you feel unique. That should boost your ego and give you the sense of belonging. They will want to be with you because you bring them something they are not used to or haven't heard or seen in the same way before. You may even become a leader in the community. I've seen that happen time and again.

But wait, as I see it, that's the same in the US and in the UK. Think about it. Are people in the western world really so different? When do people in the US break down your door to become your friend? Why should they have to? Your effort to befriend them keeps them coming back for more of your friendship. This seems normal to me. I believe that you don't get anything if you don't give anything. Invest yourself. The return on your investment will be rapid and fulfilling. At least, it has been for me during the many years of my expatriatism. (Timism?)

OK, so some of us lock ourselves up deep inside the French world in our little "our space" world we want to have or to protect; our past and our conception of self. Hey, why not? But best, if you want to be accepted into your community, at some point distribute some keys to your space to the locals, when you decide to unlock your door and venture out into their world to meet them on their home turf. And, guess what? You'll be welcomed by them with open arms, willing hearts and they will prove to be very useful guides to how to live well in France...plus all those dinner and other invitations.

That's my view, it's easy to see and goodness knows, I am happy here and have had loads of support to stay here from the French over the years, both professional and personal, so much so that I actually feel indepted to them for letting or helping me to lead a successful life in their country and within their culture. The irony is, I don't feel any less American or close to the US than when I first came. I may even feel closer or, at least, in a better place to judge what's happening back there, and more wanted when I do go back, which is annually, at least. Plus, I continue to visit the UK often, as my living experience there was also very positive, even priviledged, and although only, well almost 2 years is not enough to become "one of the guys, pip, pip", I never felt excluded there maybe because I never stepped out of my place and I made an active effort to rise up to them, their standards and tastes, and even tried to be open to them and their ways; I was the one who was different, after all. TH

Firstly I too grew up and went to school in the UK, in Oxfordshire: 2000 pupils and not a single black or asian person at the time. I lived in London - yes Hendon/Colindale (met police) and Paistow/Eastham, later South Woolwich doing teacher training. Most wars are about control/religion, religion simply being a means of controlling the masses right back to the times of the crusades and ultimately money/oil etc. France has as big an immigrant/non white community as the UK!!! There's as much discrimination in the UK as in France be it racial, class or other. I can agree with your comparisons based on Dordogne -v- London but that simply doesn't hold water as I said earlier. Try London -v- Paris or Dordogne -v- Cornwall. Perhaps there isn't a job as a nurse in France for you because they don't need you, there are enough here already, it's all about supply and demand, btw there's an english doctor practicing near my parents in law no problems at all and I've taught in universities, CCI and schools here, even turned down contracts - they do exist but you have to be native level fluent and qualified to even start to compete with the locals - normal I think! the dordogne is an area the french deserted because there's no work - where on earth do you think the brits who have then bought in the area and turned it into dordogneshire are going to suddenly find jobs that weren't there for the french in the first place...!Read some articles about désertification rurale here in France and it'll make more sense to you, btw there are now huge areas where people can't get a doctor's appointment because they're all retiring and young doctors earn far more in large towns...! Your bank charges pay the wages of your local agence so it stays open, otherwise you'll need to drive 50 miles to the nearest branch - France is a very very big country after the UK. I'll stop there as I must get on with work, yes it's saturday morning and I'm working in France, just the same as my father in law, brothers in law and sister in law - out of the ten of us, only 4 aren't at work today ;-) Please please please get a grip of the global situation and compare like with like!

maybe I grew up in a healthy mix of nationalities being a Londoner...I like the mixing pot mentality...the horrible things you see in wars is because of fear of the unknown...and the unknown are all the people you dont know because you didnt go to school with them or work with them....I hate this exclusiveness of France.. this attitude that we are France...and we will employ French...almost exclusively! that isnt supposed to be what Europe is about...and who writes most of the Euro rules...and who judges the human rights cases??? people who come from a country who discriminate in employing people from other countries...its a contradiction....it doesnt make sense! if you like having Brits in your country...doing up your old houses...making them good and improving your economy...then why not a bit of two way traffic and employ the best person for the job...not always the French person..

Yes Finn, ING is the one I had in mind for free banking but didn't name it. a lot of people want to pop into their branch too - for that i find la poste the best compromise - I don't take any of the paying services and have an oney credit card which is free so over all we do al our banking, direct debits etc for a couple of euros a quarter/year ;-)

Sorry Carol, wrongly advised on the banks, some do charge a fortune but recently the government forced banks to declare all their charges openly. I've never paid more than a couple of euros a year and have changed banks to keep it that way, I could change again to get free banking but can't be bothered! OH who is french has changed too. But can you get le figaro or le monde in the UK - so why expect the times in France!

Yes, the market is a difficult one, there's so much choice for buyers now that they really can pick and choose. The dordogne is so reliant on foreign invetment that once people leave, it goes back to a sleepy rural part of france, prices fall drastically too unfortunately, not as drastically as in the uk of course but there is movement. the banks aren't making things easy on borrowing either. Feel for your OH, if he doesn't want to be there it can't be much fun, try doing a house swap as it sounds like it's still the sort of place that most brits dream about living in.

Bonne chance ;-)

It all seems odd and not right because your british and don't understand how things work. France isn't the UK with a better climat, thanks god, I wouldn't have come here if it was!

And what's wrong with a french hospital being staffed by the french - that's 100% normal!

I worked at the Royal Free as did my husband...it has a good mix of all nationalities...bet we cant say the same of any French hospital? Yes I am happier in the UK...but it took a year living in France to find that out..and it was an adventure...

Everything is easier in the UK for me...as I know the rules...nothing comes up and bites my backside as it does in France...Less red tape in the UK...we all know that...if France is known for anything that is negative... its Red Tape and poor Customer Services.....much less capital required in the UK....which is good as I dont trust the banks in either country!

Still looking forward to a bit of time in France this spring and summer...I live in a small flat in the UK...and have a wonderful house and garden in the Dordogne..if only I could pick up the house and move it!!!

I know that there is at least one English nurse in St Foy La Grande Hospital.

Are their any English nurses in the The Royal Free?

NWLondon.

You really are happier in Uk you are a London girl who has moved off in other directions.
Berkshire still very nice....VERY exspensive for property as is Cornwall and the Cote d' AZUR.
You mentioned that you were thinking of opening a food production unit in France....

Maybe that would be easier in UK.Where would there be less red tape involved?

Where would there be less capitol required?

ha! you dont give up your regular paper after 64 years.....regardless of where you live....we have tried all the banks...discussion...questions on direct debits etc...and each has told us you will pay for everything here...thats what you do in France...so our fault for not checking first. Also had probs when we lost a debit card..we rang to cancel it...emailed...texted...and they still cancelled the wrong card!

Our main house is big...it will take time..its not in the middle of no where...one mile up a lane..exactly a mile to the centre of an active town...9 properties scattered all the way up the hill....why cant we sell? because we are not in the middle of no where..! the last 7 viewers dont like that we have neighbours 30 feet away...weird as its the reason we did buy it...lovely French couple manage the local Casino...and its nicer to have neighbours...no matter...I have been living in the UK for the last year...got fed up so went back to work..am coming back to France this Feb as I feel sorry for my OH who is fed up on his own in France...actually quite looking forward to having some time there...

change banks Carol - some are free or like la banque postale, only cost a euro or so per quarter. Who wants to read the Sunday Times anyway, there are plenty of French papers to read in France! oh and don't ever expect to get anything done by anyone in July and August, it's too hot to work and everyone is entitled to a holiday but it's too late to tell you all that. And as for the property market, yep it's slow at the best of time and as so many Brits have come unstuck, especially in the Dordogne, from what they say in the French media, the market is saturated with nicely renovated places in the middle of nowhere where only the Brits wanted to live and not the French because there aren't any jobs there!!! Don't lose faith, the house will sell, lots of us have sold plenty here in France (I've just sold on my 4th and found a buyer within a month but having no real luck selling our main house - 1 viewing in 2 months!) and the market should pick up a bit after the presidential elections, not too much but a bit if the crisis doesn't get any deeper! I know how you feel about being annoyed not being where you want to be - that's how I felt in the UK before coming back to France ;-)

Colm some of us move to France...after not a small amount of homework..for us 20 - 30 years of visiting and holidaying...and then just dont....like it! my other half is driven nuts by the bank and their endless charges, he gets apoplectic that we can get our Sunday Times in the Languedoc on Sunday...but in the far more Brit Dordogne....its Monday..sometimes Tuesday...sometimes..no paper...we did some work on our house, a 200 year old converted barn...could only buy 3 of anything...when we enquired we were told unlike the UK these shops are all franchised...and no stocks held...the simplest thing takes for ever...! laid back for us was great, but not when we had no roof...and the builder took a months break..we moan Colm...because we are not happy...we also moan because we cant sell the bloody place! sales...which we didnt look into prior to moving, take anything up to 5 times longer than the UK..so excuse us for not being positive...but there is nothing so annoying as being somewhere you dont want to be!

You must have an explanation for an exit plan?! For a Californian with two pets and a french boyfriend! Try to get me out of this situation.

my favourite kind!

Some pizza with a nice hunk of meat!

hehe! as long as you enjoyed it!

Thanks for the LAUGH! That felt great! Oh! the pizza was to die for!! With fresh cream and all sorts of goodies! And I may or may not be talking about the pizza!

Oh Lucy your comment did make me laugh! I'm still chuckling.