Yes thanks, I’m in an eBay/free cycle/ garage sale frenzy at the moment… Clutter is no longer my friend!!
Hi Wayne
I do get what you are talking about when people give advice on legal, business, adminstration and fiscal issues without neccessarily having all the facts or being qualified to do so....however, in reply to your comment, my advice was social and after I had noticed that Thea mentioned moving to near Duras which is very rural France - not too far from where I am in the Dordogne - hence why I mentioned going to the Mayor's office.
I am not retired either and find that life can be hard no matter where you live. I have my own business that runs without my having to fiddle or breaking the law but then I spent a lot of time investigating the options and then checking with different organisations that I had got it right - I now can safely say that I am more genned up on the situation than my laughable Chambre de Commerce - URSSAF!
You do have to find out about life in any country you're going to move to which isn't always easy...I pitched up once to an immigrants help office in Montreal to try and find out about the social system and such for my family and young son only to be told I wasn't eligible for help as I was a white European - that was a slap in the face and certainly didn't help me with my new country. I would have loved to have had access to this type of network then but would have however checked up on any information that I was given concerning 'serious' issues.
It would be very difficult for me to move to England now as I have spent so long away and don't know the system there nto to mention the cost of houses, etc but still where there is a will there is a way. It won't work for everyone but that shouldn't stop you trying if that's what you want - just get informed. It can be frightening, frustrating and lonely but can also be very exciting full of new experiences and new ways of living. Hopefully it'll work out for Thea
i think that sums up what i was trying to say yesterday and some people took the wrong way. many people here giving advice without knowing the circumstances of the people moving, what their financial situation is, whether they need to work etc etc. most people here are retired from what i can see. totally different ball game to people that are still of working age or need to work to support the lifestyle. thats how many people get encouraged to make moves that may turn out to be totally unsuitable. from my side and my experience ive worked out that france is a great place to be when you are retired especially 65 or over but bloody hard if that is not the case. saying that if you want to run the gauntlet of fiddles and cheating it can be made to work like anywhere else in the world, or if you are lucky enough to land a well paid steady job. most dont
Love that one!
Another aside, going to the mairie and introducing yourself and getting to know the maire and all that is all very well and good if you live in a hamlet or small village. Once you're in town or even a large village you'll be treated like a nutter if you start doing that!
Just an aside ... When I arrived in France my husband said I had to go to the Mairie to be weighed and measured. Hmmm? Luckily I could not speak French back then so it was only shyness that stopped me making an ass of myself.
Thanks guys, good to hear positive stories! I’ve just had a potential tenant view our house and it was extremely promising so fingers crossed, that would be another box ticked! I think the enormity of what we are doing sometimes overwhelms us but like you all say, one day at a time. Ok, on with the packing!
It is a good thing that you have 'the fear'. It shows you to be a proper, responsible and caring mother and partner to your husband. It also means that you are not looking at the move through 'rose tinted glasses' and are prepared to accept that there may be one or two 'hiccups' in the future. Sheila and I are in our 60's and made the final move last year, having bought our house near Dax in Les Landes, three years before. We had those three years to experience 'the fear' and could have backed out of the permanent move any time during that period. However, not only did we find ourselves longing for the day we made France our home but made many new friends along the way. Good luck with everything and this time next year you will wonder why you didn't move sooner!!
Hi Thea - we are not quite there ourselves, but already have a place in (13 - Bouches-du-Rhone) which we rent out, so that's our '1st step in the right direction'! You should also get on to 'AngloInfo' for the area you are moving to ie we get information on Provence and get an email overnight Sunday, so Monday morning it's there waiting for us to what's new, what's happening etc....you you can put all sorts of things on the website including making friends, it's endless....questions about x, y and z....- where are you moving to, you do not mention this? You could also try 'laymyhat'....have a look, lots of help around, so do not be afraid, and there are also lots of lovely French people around to help you....but if there is a good local tourist office, they can also be of some help....it'll all be alright, you will come to France smiling I'm sure....good luck :) PS! If you are moving to 'our' area, please let me know, even if I do not live there, I know a lot about the area/region and how things work, believe you moi.... :)
HI Thea
Hopefully you're feeling a bit reassured now though you're bound to feel the fear a few more times...
Just thought I would give you a couple of pointers to help you settle in. Someone mentioned going with your family (and all your papers!) to introduce yourself to the Mayor. Essential when you arrive.
Make a file with all your certificates, copies of passports, an EDF (electric) bill as proof of address and anything else you can think of such as medical cover from the UK and take it with you every time you visit an administration - I have saved much time when being told to bring certain papers with me only to arrive and be told that I am missing such and such....to their great surprise I was able to produce it straight away and avoid having to make another appointment.
Make sure that whenever you enter a boulangerie, café, post office, waiting room, etc that you say loud and clearly Bonjour and whenever you see your neighbours as well (though only once a day!) There is a lot of emphasis on saying bonjour and going forward to shake hands when you see people that you know vaguely and it is considered highly rude to not do so. I have seen so many English people unintentionally putting peoples' backs up because English manners do not include this and they feel shy but the French do it.
You do not have to kiss everyone you meet as a woman. The locals where I live found it hilarious when some of the more unsavoury elements managed to get on kissing terms with me cos I thought that is what women do - you can shake hands with men, just get your hand out first!
Even if you can't speak French very well do not hesitate to invite your closest neighbours for an aperitif (around 6pm or so) That will delight most of them and give you their undivided support and welcome. And it can be very amusing trying to communicate with a couple of glasses of wine in you.
These are just some of the basic rules of living harmoniously in France and if you don't do it from the beginning people get the wrong impression of you as being cold, stand-offish and rude. We are generally a reserved nation of Brits and this feels so strange to begin with and very forward but it is essential. Luckily, I moved from Quebec so my 10 yr old son was used to 'faire la bise' - kissing people when meeting them and I often heard how well brought up he was but I can imagine that boys at that age from UK would find that difficult to jump into. So don't forget to coach your daughter as she does have to kiss being a child (easier I imagine at that age for a girl!)
Hope you find this helpful for your new life and that it eases you into the community which is wonderfully still going strong here especially in rural France - one thing I love about this country which seems to have been lost now in England
Good luck and stay strong and don't be afraid to ask for help - most people love being asked...as you can see from SF!
What an inspiring lot you are! thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart for making a really awful day bearable.
De rien!!
It's very normal and very human and I think many of us have felt this way somewhere along the way. You've taken a very important step already: you allowed your fear to show and put out your hand, searching for some support. Look what happened! WELCOME TO FRANCE and WELCOME to SFN.
Lots of hand reaching out and arms to put around you when you feel blah.
Bravo, for that first step. Now, just keep walking and you'll get there. I promise.
"Someone please reassure me that this is normal"
Yes, this is normal, I would say......
Personally, I even DETEST the 24 hours or so before leaving on a holiday, or a major trip..... the totally irrational anxiety state one can get into.
Multiply by 'x' in your case... it's not just a holiday trip, but a significant change in your life.
Be assured (if possible) that most if not all of us have gone through this.
Merci Stuart.....
Hi Thea and don't worry, your only regret will be that you should have done it earlier. Sue and I have been here more or less permanently for 8 years and we love it. So much so that our daughter, her husband and 2 small babies are taking the plunge and giving up their UK jobs and moving out next April so we fully understand your concerns.
We live near Agen so we will not be far away and we will help in any way we can. Please contact us on 0563390425 or e-mail to granvillecolin@hotmail.com if you wish.
Bon courage
Colin and Sue Granville
How strange a coincidence is that - I arrived here in France in Beauville, Lot et Garonne on 15 December 2004. Honestly cant remember much except it was great to have a huge Christmas meal at the Midi restaurant and then stagger home with no dishes to do! I joined the local international club, took up line dancing and went to all the local events and volunteered to help in an expat run charity. My other half after a little while joined the village events committee and tourist office - all volunteering, but now his French is fantastic. With your daughter you will have opportunity to get involved with school things and I urge you to do that. Don't ever be afraid to ask the other Mum's for help, everyone here wants to help and if they dont know someone does. You are going to a great wine area, you will have fun :)
Hi Thea, don't panic. After all you're not moving to the other side of the world. Nothing is completely irreversible, and if after a couple of years (give it time after all) if its not working, just go back. Its no big deal - or at least, as someone said to me when I was getting cold feet about coming here and saying 'oh its such a big step' he said said to me 'Its's as big a step as you want to make it'. and he was right. Best of luck, hope you really enjoy it.
Maria - for my part I'm trying to be helpful, not scaremongering, and have already said that I'd never go back to the UK. BUT wayne has some good points and things are very different for people who still have to make a living rather than those who retire here. And let's be honest, in the short time I've been on this site there have already been plenty of people who have set themselves up incorrectly, in the wrong system, been badly advised, didn't know it was like that etc... Just trying to say, as I think wayne is too, check things out first, almost nothing is the same as in the UK!
In my early sixties,( at least ten years ago) I said to my wife, ------ "when I retire I don't want to become a couch potato" ----- We lived just outside of Devizes, in Wiltshire,in a two bedroomed bungalow sat on a postage stamp of ground I never liked the place in the first place, but we men will say almost anything to our long time wives just to keep the peace, she loved it there and I honestly think she would have been happy to spend the rest of her life there, she had her golfing circle of friends but somehow I knew it would kill a long time marriage had we have stayed.
" Don't be silly" said she, "where in England could we find what we have here" --------------- " Errrrrrrrrrr France" said I. She honestly thought I had lost my marbles, anyway, to cut a long story short we eventually moved here, a move that had nearly ended in a divorce until she realised I was very serious about the move. She ws determined not to come here unless she had a ---bolthole -- to return to should things not work out, which was impossible with the money we had availible to us, plus i said if she fell at the firs hurdle she would want to run, tail between her legs back to the U.K. Neither of us spoke a word of French, nor understood the French system of things.
Five years later and we are still here, our French , though by no means perfect gets us by, our knowledge of the French bureaucracy is still in the grey area but we have had hospital operations / Fosse Septique problems / tax problems / etc etc but we have managed to muddle through them all, most of which was French spoken, now comes the truth, would we want to return to the U.k. --------------- NOT IN A MILLION BLOODY YEARS ------- and that expletive was from my wife when i recently suggested she might want to return, --Me------ No way, I want to stay here and enjoy the relaxed way of life, the pleasures of living in an area where life can only be enjoyed.
We are by no means wealthy, our state pensions, my wifes civil service pension is what we rely on and we cut our cloth accordingly --------------- so my sole advice to you would be, burn your bridges, look ONLY forward, seek only the horizon and don't dwell on the past, should you in a few years realise you have made a mistake and decide to return to the U.k. remember this --- your children are now bi-lingual --- they are living the dream --- would you REALLY want to deprive them ????.
It'll be the best thing that your family has ever emberked on ..... an adventure ! and you get to learn another language ! You'll be fine Thea, don't fret .