The trouble with Notmis

We have been out in the garden today. It’s that time of year when cutting back and clearing is necessary. Our charming guest lent a hand. The weather was pleasant, all in all a good day. Except that we have clearly been invaded by Notmis. The Notmi (pronounced ‘not-me’) are usually less than 1.5m tall, although there are subgroups that grow taller. They are mostly found in beds, on sofas, preferring squalor to hygienic, orderly environments. They help themselves to food and drinks which are often eaten or drunk directly from containers, wrappers or other packaging. That packaging is left wherever the Notmi ate or drank it, along with spoons and other artefacts. They Their behaviour is much like fairies, yetis and other rarely seen species we have all heard of but whose activities we know little of.

Today, during one break from garden work we found the refrigerator door left wide open. The Notmis were at work again. Somehow or other Twix wrappers that ended up shredded by dogs and other mysterious happenings like lights left on in a room where the sun was streaming in, taps left running, toothpaste found in peculiar places. Typical Notmi behaviour. We naturally asked the children and all they could do was confirm our suspicion by saying “Notmi”.

Dear readers, please keep an eye out for signs of these creatures. They have never yet been seen but we know they exist from their activities. For the scientifically minded amongst you here is what we know of its relationship with human beings - Familia: Hominidae; Subfamilia: Homininae; Tribus: Hominini; Subtribus: Hominina; Genus: Homo; Species: Homo sapiens; Subspecies: Homo sapiens sapiens; Subsubspecies: Homo sapiens sapiens notmi.

John, closely related to the Twozzers who lurk in this house.

'Like' John.

There is another species closely related to Notmis the twozim they seem to be only visible to very young people whenever anything happens and i ask who did that the answer is Twozim

Glad to find there are other Notmi's outside our house.


We get these Notmis at certain times of year mainly the first two weeks in August, always my daughter and family herald their appearance i have often asked her to check the luggage before leaving home as i am sure they stow away in there,though security at the airport does not pick them up so perhaps not, what manner of creatures are they,dissapearing as quickly and as silently as the appear always two weeks later around the middle of August rarely appearing again until next year, the theory of annual migration has been forwarded but as others have evidence of their appearence at other times that has been ruled out, perhaps a government department could be asked to look into this mystery as this problem has been around for some time i remember my parents commenting on it years ago

Very, very funny. Occasionally you might catch one and they do make a sound. They say soz.

This is brilliant Brian. A notmi. I love what Celeste wrote, my children now in there 30's have bounced back home several times. I thought if I moved to France they might not bounce so often, but on second thoughts they might be encouraged by the thought of a holiday in france and Notmi's travel well

I'll go with Karen on the poltergeist theory. When my son went to live with his grandparents permanently and I became far more fixed in the UK, it seems that the Notmi hung around and when my stepson entered the equation entirely reactivated. Wherever I have lived and worked, somehow I always thought the ethereal child I could never quite see was somewhere around.Those other mythical beings, Dunnos, Itwozzers and Itwozzims, always seemed present but never tangible. Then not so many years ago, just like that a Notmi reappeared and has never gone away!

I love this post, Brian - brought a huge grin to my tired old face, and again when I read Celeste's comment. The joy and longing that surrounds the appearance of the elusive Notmi and Dunno creatures all on one page. Terrific. I of course have only the one, but he displays the characteristics of both clans. When there's an empty juice bottle, ice cream wrappers and other paraphernalia discovered in a pile under the computer table, he's a definite Notmi. I've yet to discovered who else it could be causing the mess - the imaginary friend? Stig of the Dump? And when it comes to what did you have for lunch at school today or do you have homework? It's that infuriating one word answer: Dunno. The dogs get the blame for many a thing in this household but sometimes I suspect it could be a little Notmi at work...

It doesn't matter how many children you THINK you have. There is always one more.......Its strange that EVERYONE'S additional child is called Notmi.....For many years I believed I was the only one. Most of mine have flown the nest but Notmi remains.. I suspect Notmi has become attached (in a kind of poltergiest like way) to my other half.......Arghhhh....Is there a cure? Do I need an exorcism??

Revenge is best taken as a cold dish, so whilst our house was very like Celeste's (but busier as we had FOUR teenage girls!), it is now my turn to go and visit them, leave all the lights on, put the empty milk carton back in the fridge - and......must not forget to leave the damp towels on the floor!

Thing is, my first round with the mythical beings ended many years ago when the beast metamorphed into a Dunno. Now aged 41 (in one month!) he has Nichtmirs in his house in Hanover... But I went in for a second round, the return of the Notmis and this time an Itwozzer in my life.

I had several of these creatures in my home. Gradually, as they aged, they disappeared.