The world according to the bored bard

The world according to the bored bard

A funny thing happened to me

on the way to the bar

Usually, I would just sit quietly in the corner

thinking about gravity and wondering

If it really had a hold on me

“ I noticed that….”

Some holidaymakers

had installed themselves

for an evening of Frenglish chit-chat

in an atmosphere that was fuelled with alcohol

peanuts crisps, small black coffees

flat white coffees, short tall coffees

long tall shorts, and the obligatory

you must be havin’ a latte mate

while pouring over

the what shall-we-do -tomorrow’s

origami folded crisp-edged

leaflets from the tourist office.

I closed my eyes.

On opening them all the tourists

were plugged into eco car charging points.

They were all quite still

Their marbled eyes lit up like ball lightning

Rolling up and down

And from side to side

I reminded myself that maybe

I have been overdoing it lately.


I tried being a bard
But I found it too hard…


You rotten lot…
deleting my thread
Just 'cos I’m not much of a bard…

Pam Ayres and I
Are now going to cry !
Your cruelty has hit us hard… :sob: :sob: :sob:

EDIT: only joking…

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I used to write in verse
I always knew I should
But now I can’t be arsed
I was never very good


I was only Googling her earlier (sounds a bit rude, doesn’t it?). She’d popped up on R4 extra. I couldn’t stand her myself :joy:

She might well not be too taken with you… :roll_eyes: :wink: :rofl:

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This is a Round the Horn or maybe a Ken Dodd ditty….

Cough, cough, throat clearing sounds….

The boy stood on the burning deck
His lip was all a’quiver (sic).
He gave a cough,
His leg fell off,
And went floating down the river.

I’ve also been a long admirer of E. J. Thribb. The poet of choice chez nous.

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The boy stood on the burning deck
as flames spread all around him.
A canadair discharged it’s load…
the waters fell and drowned him…

I like to think Spike Milligan would approve of this…

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The world according to the window cleaner man.

A funny thing happened to me.

Today, I was shouting and screaming

because I lost my rag.

Boom! Boom!


This, entitled ‘The Oldest Trick’ was prompted by the actions of my lovely Greyhound, Lira, many years ago.

The graceful bitch slid into the room and headed for the fireside sleeping dog.
She passed , tail in a graceful arc, head turned, gratified by his reaction.
He stirred, rose and followed his nose towards the source.
Circling, she arrived at the newly vacated warm spot, sank down, tucked her tail firmly between her legs,
and lazily closed her eyes.

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High Seas(on)

We are ships in a sea of confusion
Sailing together, but parted by the winds
Tousled by the root of our adventures
Cleansed by the bitter-salt of our sins

In the calm waters, our sterns touch caressingly
The storms of yesterday forgotten
We are one with the world
‘Til life’s relentless parry breaks our decks again

Timeless in our endurance
We sail for know not where
The bridge between lost in its solemnity
For whence we sail, we drift without a care

Peace we seek, though none would speak it to us
Alone on high, we choose our destiny
The touch of failure can but pull us onwards
For where, but here, can souls alone be free


Very nice :smiley:

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Thank you David. Ive just realised though that the ‘theme’ was Comedy/Humour and mine was neither :frowning:

I didn’t give a thought as to whether or not it was comedy/humour… I read “wot you rote” and enjoyed it… 'nuff said.

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2 posts were split to a new topic: How do I put my picture up

Good grief, don’t ask me… I’m hopeless at the best of times… and it was so long ago I’ve quite forgotten how I did it… :rofl:
Help, please… @graham

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Drag and drop from wherever you have it, the best forum I have ever been on for the ease of doing that.

BTW I missed the fact that it was in a comedy category, so mine was accidentally ironic. :smiley:

You’re a Star! Thanks Graham The Guru

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I’ve asked @billybutcher to move your post (and my response) to Forum Support where it might be easier for anyone else with the same question to find it…


OH I thought you meant a picture within your text, not your avatar, a different kettle of fish altogether.