Think first, send later

A few days ago I was reminded that, long before Facebook and Twitter, indeed before the widespread use of email, I regularly chatted to my colleagues at Reuters “over the wires” and latterly on screen.


At first, 50 years ago, this involved what now seems a cumbersome and very slow procedure of sending a “service message” which popped up on a teleprinter on the other side of the world in a matter of minutes depending on how long a queue of items was in front of it. But by the time I retired, 17 years ago, it was instantaneous, from computer to computer, universally known as “screen topping” because that’s where the messages appeared.


The discussion we had – on Facebook, where else – swiftly turned to memories of messages we wished we’d never sent. Most frequent was the rude comment about the boss or a colleague that you had somehow managed to send to him rather than your friend across the room. And on one occasion an in-house message about a plumbing problem landed on every client’s screen worldwide because one letter in the address code had been mistyped!


But this isn't about Reuters’ history or even about the history of communications. It’s about those messages you wish you’d never sent.


It's about this:






















And this:




A lot of footballers didn't think before hitting send and the UK Football Association has made a lot of money out of their remarks on Twitter -- £350,000 according to The Guardian


I'm not suggesting SFN is about to start fining you every time you press send without first rereading what you've typed and inadvertently offend someone, or make a spelling mistake (I'm a typochondriac by profession, I’m afraid!). But you know it’s good practice. Yes, this is the age of instant this and instant that. We’re on the mobile non-stop telling friends such earth-shattering news as that we’re having a coffee in Starbucks or that, to quote Jennifer Saunders in a classic episode of AbFab, you’re outside the office door and you’re about to come in.


It’s the same with texts, Tweets and comments on on-line forums (or should that be fora, the pedant in me asks!). We can’t take a minute to think about what we want to say and how to say it so it won’t cause offence. Most times it doesn't matter. But on the odd occasion when you want to tell a friend that the boss is an effing idiot it pays to check who you’re sending it to. And if you’re irritated, it pays to think carefully about what you want to say, think carefully about how to say it, write it, reread it and then hit delete. Just writing it will get rid of the irritation.


One of the problems of text messaging of all kinds is that irony, sarcasm, comedy, to give just three examples, all travel badly. There are things you can say to someone’s face that it’s impossible to say at a distance because they can’t see your face, hear your voice, get the tiny signals that show you’re joking. Which is why someone invented Smileys. But they don’t always work.


Tweets, Facebook statuses, comments on a thread when you’re in a rush or the dog’s just chewed up your best pair of shoes are easy to dash off. They’re short, to the point and fast. But how many times have you had second thoughts? Maybe I shouldn't have said that or not in that way. Will the people who read it be annoyed, upset, angry even? Have I made a fool of myself?


Tough -- it’s too late. It’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it.


So please, people, think first, send later. And if you’re angry, walk away and have a cup of tea and/or a glass of wine and/or whisky. When you get back things will be in perspective.


Before I jump (well, perhaps saunter reluctantly) into a mounting mountain of work, I must say just how surprised I am that this blog did not get more responses. I suspect that people looked at it, had hot and/or cold flushes of guilt, or perhaps 'self awareness', then decided to pass.

John was right when he said 'the truth hurts' but it goes several ways. Those who see the truth about themselves on blogs obviously either shrink metaphorically into a little ball, then keep quite and out of sight until it is out of sight and, they hope, forgotten or, on the other extreme, act defensively whereby many of them come out looking all the worse for it. The moral there is that even the best excuses usually do not work. Then there is the dimension in which the 'accusers' hover. If it is malice, they get it back worse very often. Sometimes their unfounded words do work, which begs the question about who has a conscience or not? However, unintended malice remains malice and all the apologies and climb downs in the world do not always work. Even things said that are not malicious but feed into the rumour mill can go awry, so sometimes reminiscing events long past can lead to embarrassment, misunderstanding or fall into the wrong hands. By way of example, I wonder just how many men, being gender selective for good reason, will have claimed conquest of woman X that whether true or false gets hackles up? How many bosses' ineptitude recalled? Many more examples, but all of which either fall into the wrong hands or are sent on there.

Innocence finished with chat rooms, make no mistake, as if it existed before. At least at a dinner gathering, the occasional slap round the mush that was delivered that caused stunned silence or mass tittering was real. Now it is virtual but with greater impact and for many people has the cover of anonymity on which to build.

So, with a few examples when reflecting on this topic, I see why so few people joined in and, if I exaggerate hugely to get a point across forgive me, to the point that I can almost hear the rush of blood as people blush when they peer into this thread. Then I hear them again when they make a quick dash back out to safety.

You're waffling, John! (Big grin)

Ah but we aren't talking of a knee jerk reaction that could hurt or not have the desired effect the spoken word in the heat of the moment could be just that but to write without first thinking what you want to say and how you will try to put over your point and yet again how someone else could interpret you message in a completely incorrect way.To send a scathing report to the wrong person is not writing without thinking its inattention, or am i just waffling on without thinking what i am saying

Sorry, John, can't agree on that one. Yes, someone, somewhere will be offended by almost anything anyone says but that's not an excuse for saying the first thing that comes into your head (not you personally of course) without first thinking of the consequences of what you're about to say. And Brian's right, we are the sum of our own experiences which is why it's so hard to be objective. And as for truth -- I always remember a tale about the mirror of truth. One day God, who was getting on a bit and had bad arthritis, dropped it and it shattered on the Earth. Everybody picked up a bit of the mirror and looked into it. And this explains why, to this day, everyone is sure their version of the truth is the right one. :-D

It doesn't matter what is said it will offend someone somewhere .The truth hurts as me mam used to say

Hi Terry, I fear I spent far too much of my lifetime in advertising crawling and brown-nosing to get and keep business, to almost never expressing an 'honest opinion'. What exactly is an 'honest opinion' anyway? How can we define that? It all comes down to perceptions and as Brian Milne once eruditely put it - 'we are all creatures of our experience' which means we will always brush up another's perceptions/truths almost inevitably?

Such a pleasant relief now to be able to say what I think - prejudices to the fore and Devil to the hindmost (or something like that?). People are free to shoot me down any time, and that has happened over a myriad of meals with people I have liked and those I have disliked - but only since I retired. Predominantly SWMBO I might add!

I don't think I go out of my way to insult people, but I am sure it often comes out that way - but then again the reverse is also true.

If you dish it out then you must be prepared to take it as well.

Nice one, Veronique!

Hoist by my own petard or what :-)

Heaven forbid, Norman. Say what you think by all means. You don't spend a life in journalism without learning to defend people's right to express an honest opinion even if it does offend someone, which as you say is inevitable. But note that word "honest". Too often I suspect people of saying something just to stir things up a bit.

I just want people to stand back and think before firing off a retort and not to offend needlessly. There was a case on SFN a long time back when someone accused someone else of being illiterate because of the number of spelling mistakes and non-sequiturs in their post. Embarrassingly it turned out that the poster suffered from dyslexia.

There are occasions when it's better to bite your tongue. I have a very good old friend who is jewish and for whom Israel can do no wrong. He is totally blind to any other view of the Arab-Israeli conflict. This irritates me considerably but I'm not about to argue with him for the sake of our friendship.

By the way: welcome to the club of cranky old gits!

Or disCussion, even, hahahahahahahaha

"I was taught.... how to express ourselves" tss tss the old 'intervening clause interfering with the subject of the verb' pitfall ;-). This isn't a dig, Melissa, it just seemed amusing in a disussion about proofreading!

I, like many adults of my generation and above, was taught how to write well and express ourselves with the written word, but not necessarily with the spoken - especially when angry. If I get really frustrated with someone/organisation I will usually write (long hand scrawl), then type (I was a secretary) a really long rant. I will then read it, correct it and save it on the computer. As this is done over a period of time I will have had the chance to calm down and seen sense, or another way to communicate, and more often than not I will not send it. But I will retain it, saved - just in case ........

To a large extent I agree, but I also fear looking at a deeply 'sanitised' world where we all all be afraid to say what we think. In my experince no matter what you say you will always annoy or insult someone, somewhere, somehow.

Are we offering ourselves up as people of no strength of opinion or point of view? Anyway I quite like being a cranky old git - I've worked all my life to achieve this position! One of the few things left to being an oldie don't you think?