Emily, are you spending your days getting up at noon, lunching with the girls every day and manicuring your nails? If you were, I'd say fine, they may have a grievance. But you're doing no such thing. Thankfully your husband is in a stable job, all kudos to him in this climate, but you're not exactly sitting on your laurels are you. You are taking care of the children, the house and at the same time starting your own business. You are under as much pressure as everyone else, and they're simply increasing that. No-one has the right to belittle the role you are playing.
Say you did find a high flying, obscenely well paid job. I have absolutely no doubt you would then be berated for not being home for the children and "wasting" your money on childcare. If you won the lottery, you'd probably be criticised for not 'earning' it. You are being placed in a no win situation and you will never satisfy them - where would the fun be for them in that?
You are under enough pressure. If a full out argument won't shut them up, then you need to blank them out of your mind as they are talking out of their backsides. Persevere with your business but do it for you, no-one else. You're raising your family while still managing to contribute to the pot. If they can't see what you're achieving, then that is their problem - definitely not yours. Keep your head held high and get on with what is best for you and the children. If you don't get support from them, you'll definitely get it from us.
Emily don't take it out on yourself, he is the one with the problem! By not seeing how much you do for him, the children and the home, does he not see that you do your part as much as you are able.
May be you need a week end together, with no children, and talk things out.
Who does the childcare/housework/sorts out the crap day in, day out? Who would be doing this if you were a high paid Nestlé (Godforbid) executive, getting the TGV to Paris every Monday morning and coming back in high heels and dinky designer trouser suit, utterly knackered, every Friday evening?
I am in a similar position to you. Well educated (ha!) and used to a good income, I am now married, second marriage to a Frenchman and he has a very demanding job. I write and earn from it, but my revenue is nowhere near his. I also cook, clean, entertain, look after the children, take the dog to the vet, schlep round bloody Super U, organise the doctor/dentist/paed as necessary, clean out the chickens, supervise homework, talk to the teachers, make birthday cakes.............................
Who is pulling their weight? Revenue does not equate with worth. You are his wife, not his business partner. I think you should go see a marriage guidance counsellor, who may well point out your other half is behaving like a tit.
I'm in total agreement with Sarah on this. With knobs on. And the phrase that really jumps out at me from what you posted is this:
* But I didn't expect to be in the position of not being able to pull my weight. Plus, I said I would.*
So what? Things changed / didn't pan out as you thought / imagined / hoped. Don't feel bad about that. It's called life and it happens to all of us. Any marriage or relationship is about give and take and mutual support. What happened to the 'for better or worse' bit?
Surely not having the earning potential you hoped for is no different to being diagnosed with some awful disease? If someone found out they had cancer and their OH's response was along the lines of "Well this wasn't part of the deal", I'm sure everyone (you included) would be jumping up and down in rage. This is no different. There is NOTHING wrong with you. The problem is with other people and how they are dealing with it. xx
When I was 42, I injured my back and was pensioned out of The Fire Service in the UK. We had our 2 girls at 6 and 9 years old. My wife, a nurse had gone part-time to bring them up. We discussed and decided that my pension wasn't fantastic, so she would go back full time and I'd stay at home, doing the house-husband roll. It worked great...she got a degree in management, and progressed to being a Clinical Services Manager for Leeds. Our kids saw more of me also. This worked because we always considered all income as "ours", not "yours" and "mine". I know a lot of my macho firefighter colleagues could not have hacked earning less than their wives,but it was of no detriment to our relationship. Even now, when we're both retired, my wife's pension is more than mine...no big deal, for either of us.
From what I remember, there is no clause in the marriage contract that obliges you to earn as much or more than your husband. He did not marry you for your earning potential, or if he did, he should have made it clear beforehand so you could run for the hills.
Marriage is not just about money, it's about all the other stuff too.
It's true that it's not easy to work in France at the moment. It's especially not easy if you're British trying to find a job in a French company. Also, if you get a really good job, you'll probably have to work long hours and travel a lot. Is he prepared to pick up the slack?
Maybe you could sell those high-end all-in-one mixing/cooking devices that cost €1000 to all his rich friends. Make them earn their keep as his mates... ;)