US Election Hacker Revealed

US President-elect Donald Trump revealed today that E.T. had hacked the US elections. And yes, the goal was to get Trump elected.

“E.T. is smart,” said Trump. “He knew that I was the only President who could keep the world safe from the aliens who President Whitmore first defeated in 1996.”

When a reporter suggested that E.T. and Independence Day were works of fiction, Trump was obstinate.

“Vladimir Putin has assured me that Independence Day was a documentary. And he showed me E.T.'s long-form birth certificate,” Trump continued. “Who are you going to believe, a West Coast liberal like Spielberg or a patriotic American like Vlad?”

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