Why do the English dislike the French?

This is tongue in cheek

My Gran dislikes (being kind here) the French, she dislikes most foreign people and places but holds a special dislike of the French. She likes my wife, though finds her and her country strange. Though she has only ever been to France once (for my wedding) she knows she hates everything they have, do, eat, say. And anything they do or have that is similar to the the UK is of course inferior or a copy.

With this in mind I thought I would do a little research and try to understand why the English seem to hold a special dislike for the French. This is what I have found from various online sources:

They make love more than anyone else. On average they have sex 137 times a year, we Brits only manage 119 times (I must find out who my Wife is seeing for her additional 18 sessions). On a plus they only spend an average 19.2 minutes on foreplay, we take 22.5 minutes.

They have bad customer service. In London it takes an average 3.4 minutes to get a glass of water once a waiter has been alerted; in Paris it takes 17.9 minutes.

French men can't wait. Many French men prefer to have a pee in a bush rather than wait to find a loo.

We have been allowed to think that French women don't get fat. There are lots of French diet books claim that French women are thin because they eat only fresh produce, and slowly (not in my family). However, French obesity rates are exploding and there are plenty of wobbly bits on show.

They like popping pills the wrong way. The French take more suppositories than the rest of Europe combined. Each year they shove 235 tonnes of pharmaceuticals up themselves.

That like the force feed little geese. Each year some 25 million geese and ducks are force-fed in battery farms to make foie gras. The French also shoot, poison, trap, crush, stuff and then eat almost anything smaller than themselves.

They think their cooking is the best in the world. They constantly boast about their great cooking and indeed have far more three-starred restaurants in the Michelin Guide than us (however, the guide is a French institution).

They think they have the best wine in the world. The infamous Paris Wine Tasting of 1976, when an English wine merchant organised a "blind" tasting before a jury of French experts. To their horror, they rated Californian wines as winners in both the red and white wine categories. The French press first denied any tasting had happened, then claimed the results were fixed.

They invented the kiss. They have a kiss named after them though there is no actual word for "French Kiss" in French, its simply embrasser avec la langue (to kiss with the tongue).

They have the best health service in the world. Strange though that during a recent heat wave, the great French health services failed to prevent the deaths of 16,300 elderly people.

They are a bit whiffy. Forty per cent of French men, and 25 per cent of women, do not change their underwear daily – and only 47 per cent bathe every day. And you thought the Garlic was bad.

To finish it should be noted that they really love us. In his autobiography, Sarkozy said "The standard of life of the British is higher than that of the French".

Do you know anymore reasons why we dislike the French - or why the French dislike their Roast Beef neighbours. (Good humoured fun please)

I always use the example of Charles de Gaulle when the french ask why we haven’t joined the euro and are so against the Community, but I guess that will stop now.
Having fought the second world war, many of our parents generation felt deeply resentful when the UK received a hearty non from the said general when they applied to join the Common Market.
The french do seem to understand this, although I have received the reply that said general thought that the UK was too tied in with the US, who also helped to liberate France!

Great post - I have just read ‘1000 years of annoying the French’ which is a very funny book by Stephen Clarke if you are interested!

actually I quite like my other half, we’ve even had a couple of kids together and I rather like them too “even if they are French” !

No seriously you’re on the way to starting another monster thread here Jmaes - they do wash less, their cooking isn’t the best in the world, I peed behind bushes in the UK too but I never did it in broad daylight in carparks etc as I do here :-O, there are plenty of good wines from elsewhere and I don’t like foie gras even if my mother-in-laws is renouned as being some of the best in the region!

vive l’entente cordiale !