Veronica… hello and welcome to the forum.
You have resurrected a very old thread… I hope you get some answers…
If not… you might like to start a new thread with a more relevant title… just a thought…
cheers
Hi Stella thank you for your reply. How long do you think I should wait for any answers ? I do not want to open my personal circumstances on a forum. It’s sensitive and private. Is there any avenue of reaching anyone who has had experience with the hospital or can offer advice please ? I have many questions concerning my experiences ,and language misunderstandings of what the french take for granted.
Thank you.
Veronica.
I went to a fairly local 24/7 A&E at midnight with a “possible” break… was swiftly seen but it turned out they had no 24hr x-ray dept… and advised me to go to the “big” hospital… another hour away.
seeing my distress/pain the staff phoned their x-ray person… who came in still wearing her pajamas…
Yes my bones were well and truly broken and I was so grateful to the kindness of those members of staff…
Subsequently, I’ve followed the ambulance/pompiers taking friends to the “big” A&E on several occasions… and had to wait with them, for hours and hours… due to the huge demands on the services…
So you will realize that I know where to go if I need help… down my “local”. 
Hi Veronica
Might it be possible to discuss “whatever” with your own Doctor, in the first instance??
This is a link which might point you at a helpful dept within the hospital…
https://www.ch-saintonge.fr/annuaire-soins/services/278
Dear Stella, I will as soon as I get back. The GP is the only person I can confide in. He is aware of when the person I knew was first admitted. The relation des usagers at the hospital already know me !!! I have my own mental health problems, and I have lost my best friend with a similar problem, as he was admitted, and I was not allowed to visit. It made me angry as his ex and all his friends and family were allowed to visit. Now he has stopped any contact. The not knowing is turning my brain inside out. I’ll look at your link later. I must admit, when I was first getting used to losing my man, then losing him again as his circle signed him in hospital as well. I found the English speaking SOS service excellent.
I need to know under what form he was admitted. and the reason given to ban me when I had done everything I could think of to love and help him.
. Thank you so much
Dear Stella, I will as soon as I get back. The GP is the only person I can confide in. He is aware of when the person I knew was first admitted. The relation des usagers at the hospital already know me !!! I have my own mental health problems, and I have lost my best friend with a similar problem, as he was admitted, and I was not allowed to visit. It made me angry as his ex and all his friends and family were allowed to visit. Now he has stopped any contact. The not knowing is turning my brain inside out. I’ll look at your link later. I must admit, when I was first getting used to losing my man, then losing him again as his circle signed him in hospital as well. I found the English speaking SOS service excellent.
I need to know under what form he was admitted. and the reason given to ban me when I had done everything I could think of to love and help him.
What could the team mean by a “mise en place” ? He told me his daughter (nasty ) told him she discussed with his médecin traitant he won’t be coming out. He was admitted in January
The information you seek is confidential and you will need to reconcile yourself to knowing that you have no entitlement to it. I understand that this is very distressing to you, but the patient’s rights trump any rights you think you have in the matter. You don’t have any.
This opinion is based on my considerable experience as a mental health professional and as the father of a mentally afflicted and much loved son.
I respect his wishes and fully accept the validity of his beliefs over my own unreliable ones. My only wish is for his happiness and his right to make his own decisions in fulfilment of that happiness. My own is, in contrast, of no account.
Ask yourself “If I know why the man I profess to love and want to help has banned me, will it make him happier knowing that I know?”. Is that your intention? By your own account, it is to relieve your own anguish.
I am not intending to hurt or humiliate you, but to help you face your situation and yourself squarely. That is the way to be free of your suffering I believe.
My best wishes to you, Peter.
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He was like my twin. I had finally found someone like me. I believed we understood each other. When he first mentioned he might have to go into hospital I said I would come with him so I could have care and treatment too. He kept saying noone understands him. So why didn’t accept that I did ? There is alot of other things that I need to talk to someone normal and sensible in these matters, who has time to sit and go through it. face to face
Can I discuss all this further with you please ? I am going out of my mind. People say move on with your life,every door slams in my face. I have only one reliable solid friend.I don’t know which way to turn and I am very scared. Where are you based please ? I hope to hear from you soon.
what could be a mise en place for him please ? what might be happening ? He has far more common sense than me, I can’t stop crying for wondering whats happening, why is he still in since january ?
? He last said to me to forget him, he is going to be out on the street. He said he is going to be out on the street twice. He proposed taking me to Lourdes then said he can’t
as he won’t be coming out. I have alot of questions that are eating me up with the unfairness and misinformation. The nurses were initially more than happy encouraging him to speak to me. he just went downhill the whole time The nurses said he won’t be out on the street.Someone who knows him and his family,
how his daughter is with him keeps saying I need to check if he is in tutelle. I received a letter from his treatment team saying he may contact me if he wishes to. I may send a card if I want to, he will have the choice whether to accept or not, which is fair enough. Is there any kind of mediator that can visit and ask my questions ? Thank you
Hi Veronica, it was pointed out to me (not by the hospital) that there are two types of patient - those who are ill and those who are injured, I am in the latter; We are the ones who can be fixed and only require minimal care and attention - least of all in A &E. Fair enough, but not having any previous experience of being an in-patient I wasn and remain surprised by the lack of information available to the patient here.
Regarding visits it is quite possible you have got caught up in the wretched virus regulations, which despite the public declarations are still in place in hospitals EXCEPT now for a ‘close companion’. A major concession - particularly if they can help with the language hurdles, as my wife has been able to do.
Hospitals will do what they feel is best for the patient I am sure, but like you I found nursing staff generally Too busy or too aloof to go ‘the extra yard’, and you are not their patient.
Sometimes talking to a different person on the telephone can yield some information to a specific question, but they will not get into specifics on a patient least of all over the telephone.
I do suggest it might be useful to investigate the web on the condition - even if it gives you an idea what treatment is available, so you can couch a question more specifically; However it does seem that hospitals are very compartmentalised, which doesn’t help.
the only other thing is not to take it all personally, and try to accept the elemental truth that they almost certainly are doing the best for the patient - if not for the relatives!
Hi are you aware I am talking of psychiatry ward ? I was banned from visiting him, yet his work colleagues, his boss and his family were allowed to go along until the lockdown. I am allowed to send him a card, which I have asked, but he had blocked me and had told me he wasn’t answering his phone. I need just as much help for my mental health as him. I am on the outside floundering, how do i ‘move on’ I was told by anonymous text messages to laissez le tranquille, vous ne pouvez rien faire pour lui. Yeet this sender is allowed to take care of his affairs, and his nasty daughter warned me to leave her and the boss that took him to hospital tranquille, and I hadn’t ever even met her. I’m sorry to be so garbled, but my brainis very fragile and sad. One of the last conversations I had with him, after being in there 5 months, he said ‘C’est la fin’ He said he wasn’t going to die, I don’t know what is going on. , was he playing my emotions, or was it a cry for help ?
Hi sorry, the nurses won’t tell me much, they just encourage the patient to take my call. I haven’t pestered, but I received an email stating he doesn’t want contact from me. The thing is I don’t know what is deemed ‘normal’ , I suspect I came across with only my past experience of speaking to English hospital staff, so a foreign stranger. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post
Hello Veronica,
Do you have a GP? Can you get a referral for a consultation with the pôle santé mentale at your local hospital?
I think you need to get help for yourself before worrying about someone else who is currently being looked after.
Best wishes, Véro.
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Hi thanks, who can see these posts ? I came away from the rejection in France, and I am currently staying with a friend in Wales during Lockdown. I am having to plan how to move on.I was referred for a telephone counselling session (NHS in Wales), but that was only 10 minutes.!!! I want to return to France as there I had an appointment with a psychiatric nurse, I had a full hour face to face. I always come out of these appointments wondering how they were supposed to help. My son kept threatening me I need to be admitted to psy hospital, despite I had seen the nurse, it still wasn’t good enough for him, who never made any time to see me as a normal human being outside of his work ., his restaurant. When I mentioned my son’s attitude to our (mine and my ex’s) GP when we were still together, the doctor said my son was being unkind. In the intervening months, my ex’s boss admitted my ex to the local psy hospital, (without seeing our GP as I had wanted to make a GP appointment for him, but he denied me) However my son, he won’t lift a finger of action in my direction. It’s hot air, Now he has blocked me , won’t answer the phone, and I have lost contact with my grandson. What’s next ?
Hi Véronique. I have read your message again after my garbled answer of non-chronological events. I really do appreciate your common sense. A sincere thank you to you.
Cordialement, Veronica
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Any Survive France subscriber. It’s probably in everyone’s inteterests to continue these exchanges by Private Message using the SF function, rather than making them available to all.
I will PM you to demonstrate how it works.
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Hi I wondered if you know if this is special way of dealing with patients friends in France or normal hospital patient relation ways ? When I was initially banned from visiting my ex. I would never have just turned up without him inviting me or expecting me, so that offended me. He said it was so I didn’t bump into his daughter, which made sense. I didn’t understand why or how he would then say I could visit after Lockdown. What was the change that suddenly would have allowed me ? is this normal ?
As for me, it’s difficult to try and work out how to deal with it in my head ? do I remember the gentle kind person I have in my remaining photos of the time before he listened to being shouted at by his daughter to kick me out ? recently I remember how he was going to dump me at the hotel. I told him no you’re not treating me like that, I have to book a room.
In hospital he telephoned me and initially he told me the best time of day to call before the medication changed his mood.
I think by writing all this, it’s the therapy of writing a letter and throwing it away.
My main worry now is whether I am being taken for une imbécile at every turn.
Thanks for listening.
Quite often people are not allowed to have visits in psychiatric hospital, at least to start with, because they need to be separated from any sources of stress or conflict for any sort of therapy to work.
In any case whether the patient is adult (or a minor) patient confidentiality and le secret médical are paramount.
I think for what it is worth that you should turn the page and concentrate on yourself. Speculation won’t do you any good, or change anything for the better.
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His “ex(?)” was straight back in there, visiting, bringing cakes, tobacco, looking after his dog, taking care of his finances. his work colleagues, his boss and his family all visited and phoned regularly. He phoned me regularly to begin with. I wonder if he asked her to send anonymous texts to me,
I think the time is coming to stop discussing this on an open forum
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