True. Apart from the grounds of chateaux and the like, I’ve only ever seen one proper lawn (it belongs to some friends who watered it throughout the hot months. It’s lush).
I think the thread title is worthy of a Monty Python sketch 
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Not a problem - I’m not much of a gardener so won’t be expecting a bowling green type surface, and if it starts out lumpy and full of holes it can stay that way. 
But it’s annoying when we had brand new turf put down a few years ago to replace a couple of areas of planting and it looked really nice initially, to have the little beggars rip it all up.
They’ve been back overnight and it’s even worse this morning.
Thank you! Sounds like lion dung is the answer. Perhaps the lion would also eat the badgers?
if only I could remember where I left the lion…
From the article it sounds like we have a chafer grub infestation, which it seems needs (extremely expensive) professional treatment with a chemical to remove, or else digging out the whole lawn and start again (which is not happening).
I might have to try the “pee on their access points” trick that your article suggested.
There will not be an accompanying video. 
ETA: I just looked up the price online of the Acelepryn chemical that article recommended to kill chafer grubs.
£811 for 0.6 of a litre!!!
It also has to be sprayed by a professional wearing protective gear and can’t be used within 5M of ponds so that’s out.
Or there’s the nematode stuff which might be worth a try. Failing that it’s Operation Urinal!
From what I understand about Chafer Grubs, they exist in moist soil. I can recommend you move to the south of France where without an irrigation system the ground is rock hard most of the year and a ‘lawn’ offers an undulating wide variety of green things apart from grass. Or, do as many locals and lay a lovely, flat expanse of Astroturf
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Yes I think when I have my two French chateaux that will be the best approach.
In the meantime I have ordered some nematode lawn treatment spray which hopefully will kill off the larvae that the badgers are digging for.
ETA: Operation Urinal also put into effect, though I’m not hopeful of that having much of an effect as our grassed areas are open to the driveway so they can just amble in off the road if they wish.
No worries. B&Q have one, by products of which will fit the bill.
https://www.diy.com/departments/silent-roar-lion-manure-cat-repellant-500g/5060020930010_BQ.prd
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“We do not offer Click + Collect for this item”
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Have you thought about an electric fence to keep them out
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Plus machine-gun towers and floodlights?
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I’ve tried the peeing solution but I find I can’t reach more than a metre from the house these days, even from an upstairs window. Mme Defont still seems impressed though, bless her.
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But we can call on you if ever anyone has an indoor badger infestation, presumably?
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You call me for birthdays, weddings and bar mitzvahs if you want. I do like a good piss up.
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Badger Update:
Much less (if any) Badgerisation™️ this morning - hard to tell after the previous devastation but either it hasn’t been back or else it’s only had a casual prod around existing divots.
Whether that is just chance, or the result of Operation Urinal and Operation Stick Bits of Wood In Holes, remains to be seen.
Nematode gunk is due to arrive tomorrow or Weds so if I can get that sprayed on and killing the grubs later in the week that will be all to the good.
Meanwhile it looks like the washing machine has sprung a leak.
I blame the badger. 
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I can’t believe this hasn’t already been posted.
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I refer the Honourable Member to the video I posted some moments ago…
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Don’t like the end to yours Chris!
Thanks for the linke @Robert_Hodge - I’ve noticed chafer grubs all ovr the place before but didn’t realise that they destroyed lawns. Not that I have a lawn as such - it’s a mown field - but I was putting impoverished appearance down the the dozens of feral cats leaving offerings all over it, but perhaps I’m wrong.
Neither do I, but it’s technically a mushroom…
The version posted by our Respected Albatros-Botherer is the original version made by Weebl.
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If you catch it there is an old recipe for badger ham from the back legs!