I think much depends on the individuals concerned. I lived in a top floor flat in Battersea and I never felt the need to get to know or to be friends with the people in the two flats below. OH and I first lived together in Stockwell - never knew our neighbours. We then moved to Leatherhead - talked to our neighbours but never went in their homes or got to know them as friends. Same when we moved to LIngfield. Our friendships developed from work, continued from school days. We are not sociable and so why would we change just because we now live in rural France?
We’ve had dinner with 2 French families, one of whom had enough English to help us get by with our limited French, the other did not and we often resorted to Google translate. The second was uncomfortable at times, but they moved away the following year so we didn’t get a chance to follow up more.
We’re in a village of about 600, 100 km northeast of Paris. It is very hard to socially connect beyond a superficial bonhomie. I helped co-found the new Comité des Fêtes with a French neighbour. Despite being in the center of creating many of the classic events and doing a ton for others, I still feel on the outside. Several people have helped me with things or accepted my help but I haven’t eaten at any of their houses. I offer but it’s ’always a bad time’. My French wife said a couple she knows were raving to her about what a great guy I am but I wouldn’t know if from our direct interactions. By the way, my French is good and I am bavard and generous with help, free veggies and plants, teaching English in the school.
French society does not feel easy to get personally embedded in. At a community level, sure. But not person to person.
Hi .. we are taking lessons and want to fully integrate with French life , local communities and culture. It will take us a few years to grasp the nuances of the language , to make a joke or understand the humour takes years . So it would be nice to have both
Thank you for replying, we really appreciate everyone’s input.
FWIW we’ve been trying to learn French for 4 years now, as owners of a maison secondaire. We’re probably particularly slow, but it’s been taking much longer than expected, at least partly because we’re not immersed and being forced to use it daily.
Making jokes will come more quickly than understanding the nuances, and - if they’re as bad as mine - will endear you to people. As you probably know already, the French enjoy jeux de mots; if you combine that with a little ribaldry, you’ll find yourself very popular.
Understanding the humour … that can be hard. The last meal we had at someone’s house, last month, Alain the pigman suggested Madame and I needed une sieste crapuleuse afterwards.
I disagree with what some of you have written, when living just outside of Paris I don’t think a month past when we were not invited to or we hosted. pretty much same here in our village and the surrounding areas in Burgundy, we’ve just got back from a dîner with the Maire and his wife. I suppose it depends on how intergrated you are and sharing interests hobbies politics etc
..and @Wozza ..our commune has about 300 folk and our nearest neighbours I can just about make out without using jumelles and as the crow flies about 2.5k’s away. They are all ex hippie environmentalist intellectuals, some speak Occitanie as a first language and to a person, dog and cat all amazingly friendly , kind and generous with their time, advice and occasional use of tractors when needed I exchange for helping out with re-shoeing sockets and hearing sheep.
Apart from an elderly Dutch lady, no-one speaks English here and has been the best way to ‘integrate’ (so far as possible) and to invite and get invites around for lunch and dinner. My French varies from dreadful to not too shabby and because we are in the South, folk speak slowly and so makes understanding subtleties (and jokes) quite easy.
Horses for courses and we specifically did not want to be in an Anglophone/Dutchnophone enclave because it would probably change the experience of living here (we don’t, so would not know) but, it’s whatever you want at the end of the day.
To everyone who tries to communicate in French with their neighbours etc…
I pass on a recent comment from a French person (newcomer to our commune) .. someone to whom I was apologising , for making errors/speaking with my ghastly accent/etc etc
In a nutshell, that person stopped me in mid-apology, said vehemently…
"You are speaking our language and I can understand you. Your accent doesn’t matter. Every foreigner who makes an effort deserves praise… "
and (with a final flourish)
"You certainly speak French much better than I can speak English! "
I know that other forumites will have received similar encouragement but feel it should be brought to the attention of Newcomers.
Do not give up or feel nervous… speak French as best you can. Making the effort is what it is all about…