Kent, some years ago I spent a short holiday in Reit im Winkl which is no distance from der Wank. The mountain is very ordinary pointy shaped. Putting winkl and wank together killed me but I could never get it across to my host for lack of German equivalents. It is also a surname, try going to England with that one on your passport...
Finn's article is great. Yes, some of us are out of place. I wrote earlier of missing Cambridge. I also miss Berlin, particularly Kreuzberg where I lived. Urbanstraße, opposite Urbankrankenhaus where my son was born. I still have an English friend living two minutes walk away from where I was. I was commuting between countries but that was home. Then I also miss the place in the Algarve in Portugal where we lived. The annexe of a farm and in an area where there were very few foreigners because it was agricultural without anything exciting to see and the two nearest places were dumps. But we were happy there. Here we are happy, our children happy and on my couple of visits to the UK I have wondered what the hell I was doing there because I felt so foreign and as if people noticed me for it.
I always feel unsettled when I get back from the UK even tho I can't imagine living there any more. I can now put it down to the fact that its always a bit miserable coming home from a holiday, which in effect going back to the UK is. It sometimes seems that living there would be much easier as you speak the language fluently, you know how it all works and you can see friends and family that you've known for ever but in reality those friends and family are making a huge effort for you because you are in the UK for a short time and if you lived there you probably wouldn't see so much of them. Plus it does rain a lot there...try to remember a typical British summer!! Of course there are pro's and con's of living in both places and nothing needs to be forever... At least you aren't tied in to the housing market here so can easily go back if you like but I'm sure in another week or so you'll be loving it again.
Simply with the intention of adding a little cheer to your day - and bear in mind that a 'rude' word in one language may be entirely something else in another...
This reminds me of:
One day back in ’93, when I was living in Normandie, I was driving into the centre of our local town, Vire (Twinned with Totnes). I was feeling a bit fed-up; you know, not actually depressed, just work-a-day blues and, perhaps, a teensy bit of homesickness.
I was thinking that I could do with something to cheer me up, when, around the other side of the roundabout I was on, came a huge German articulated lorry with 6 ft high letters on the side saying:
“WANK”.
That was me with the giggles for the rest of the day.
The Germans do seem to have a problem with some of their words. It's a mountain in Bavaria, apparently… I wonder what shape it is?
Phew..thank you everyone at least I dont feel on the verge of a breakdown anymore!!!! I spose it is like a 7 (or 4) year itch...I do feel like you Carol neither here nor there!!! And yes I am lucky that we are both in good health and have a better life here than I think we would in the UK but as Brian has pointed out if the taxes change greatly we might have to move back to the UK as we rent our house out in the UK and rent here and pay quite a bit of tax on our 'worldwide' income which in itself could become another topic!!! I hope for everyone who feels like me it passes quickly. Thank you SFN members and SFN I am going to try and find a project/adventure that doesn't cost much!!!!
Aw..Maria..I feel your pain! my homesickness hit me when we moved from the Languedoc to the Dordogne...I was happy in the Languedoc and we chose to move to the Dordogne..but two days before we moved...I had a terrible panic...kept it to myself as my OH was quite happy. Then felt miserable as sin for a couple of months, desperate to return to the UK..when everything in the house was going pear shaped, the roof leaked...everywhere..and boy, do we have a big roof...had a million and one problems..and it was when my OH suddenly said one day...at the end of his tether...this is a mistake..we should go back..and I told him how I felt. For a while we were desperate to return..even bought a flat in the UK..I returned and did a nursing diploma..and then got a job for 8 months...coming back last February. Our place has been on the market for a year and a half..and honestly? yes we still want to return...we have a huge family, kids, brothers, sisters...mother etc..and loads of friends..having lived in an area for 30 years..all our friends still in the same place...but we have friends here now...and life is not bad at all....we have a very good life...the same little irritations you get wherever you live...my point is Maria...it does pass...its normal to feel homesick at times...you still have connections in the UK....two of my kids live abroad, my eldest hasnt lived in the UK for 10 years...and sometimes something happens and she rings up feeling a bit blue and missing everyone...but it passes...and she would never wish to return. So...be kind to yourself...if you feel homesick and you can get home for a visit...go home...a couple of weeks and you will probably feel fine about coming back. I know when I am in the UK now...I do miss it here...have a feeling I will never be entirely settled again!
We came out here in 2000, bringing our 'retirement plans' forward by five years because I was out of work and the OH was on sick leave, waiting for ill-health retirement to be granted. We had holidayed near here for 14 years, and thought running a Chambres d'Hotes would yield just enough to see us through till 'real' retirement. So we sold our house to realise the capital locked up in it (and save paying a mortgage we could no longer afford!), and eventually bought outright here.
I won't bore everyone with the whole story - suffice it to say I thought I could adapt. I can cope with the language, can integrate with the French - but ... ! Whilst there I times when I do like the place, there are others when I find myself asking 'what the ... am I doing here?'
The OH loves it - French citizenship, fluent, busy, involved, and no UK relatives. Me - only a sister and some very distant cousins. If (and it is a big if) we could sell, we could at least move to a smaller property nearer some form of social and cultural activity; even then it would be renting. So it seems as if we are stuck - and that is what is so depressing for me.
I am quite sure that before very long someone will reply telling me to 'get out and integrate with the neighbours' etc. Done that, (or more accurately, tried that) - but it is a two-way process and most people here are at least twenty years older than me!, aren't interested and (frankly) have zero conversation even in French.
Thank heavens for the internet - at least I can moan and (more importantly) have some form of intellectual conversation. At least I am off the anti-depressants at present!
I think that generally MOST of us are sympathetic to your plight! I think it is "normal" to have patches where you miss things about your home country! I don't think it means that you should rush off to put your house on the market and start packing boxes ready for a move back there!! I think it is good to try to identify exactly WHAT it is that you are nomesick for, as it may be possible to deal with those specific issues, and I think it is a good idea to immerse yourself in some BIG distraction so that you don't have time to be homesick as you are too busy .... Cheer up - in my experience it won't last :-)
Well, Maria - think yourself very lucky you can afford to go back to the UK 3 - 4 times a years to see your family. I can't afford that. The last time i went to the UK was for my son's gratuation 2 years' ago.and after a week I was pleased to get back to France. Not because I did not want to be with my son, but because the traffic on the roads was terrible, and so congested, some of the shop assistants I came into contact with were rude, and paying for parking was very expensive.Count yourself very lucky to have family that also visit, as I do not have any family, except my son - and he visits me at Christmas, when we really cherish the time togather. Yes I miss him terribly, but we speak often and send e-mails.
Stop feeling fed up and get out and about, learn to speak good French, and be thankful for what you both have in France.
I believe the fact that we are expats is telling of who we are and of our personality traits. We left our homes so as not to find ourselves doing the same thing over and over again. Perhaps you are just ready for a new adventure after 4 years?? Even though you will be moving 'back' you know it will be different and a new start.
Yes it is pretty normal to feel like this - or at least according to all my friends, as well as myself. We're retired and have been out here for over six years and we do get visits from family and friends, but I have elderly parents back "home" as I'm afraid it will always be, plus when my daughter comes over and goes back, I spend a couple of days missing her and everything else. You get to accept this. After all, you have a lot of history in the UK, which you don't just forget. No matter how well you are enjoying your life out here, and I am, the old home will always be there
All I can say is enjoy your life here and enjoy your visits back, as I do, but realise that you are part of two lives now. It makes life very interesting! :)
It's impossible to to think about the UK from time to time and one's family, friends and times there. However I think that many thoughts from afar are about the good times and a life there that does not exist any more. I used to live and work in London and now when I visit there I come away quite cross because when you see it again you see its many faults too. In my case I never thought about leaving the UK permanentely until right at the end of my UK career and I couldn't have enjoyed a career like mine other than in the UK because that was where all my contacts were. Life goes in phases. I'm now in my retirement/French phase although I have had a house in France 40 years now. The only blot on the horizon (potentially) is that the new French governmemnt is about to change tax laws which may affect my income to an extent that I will be unable to live in France that much longer. The new laws will be announced during July. I certainly don't want to leave France but if I have to I am not sure that the UK will be highest on my list of priorities. I'm not sure either that expats who go back to the UK have the happiest of lives there either, and their favoutite expression becomes "When I was......" I certainly know one couple who went back to be near granchildren only to have their grandchildren move permanently away the following year.
I haven't lived in France as long as you and I don't really feel homesick because I have only my daughter back in NZ who's really important to me. I am also not in a position to compare lifestyles either as I had to give up everything to get here but I'm hopeful something better is ahead.
I wish I lived as close to her as you do to your family. It's impossible for me to go back to NZ and visit her and I save every centime I can to get her over here for a couple of weeks every two years.
There is a documented progression in adjustment to another country and everyone goes through it all at their own pace. Your life seems to be largely exactly how you want it so maybe this is just a normal reaction to missing people or foods or memories you had back in the UK. Have you got a challenging project in France you could get stuck into?
Life's a series of 'phases', I think now. I try, not that successfully, to remind myself of that when I feel unsettled. Good luck- maybe this feeling signals something new is in the wind (not necessarily England).
Aw, Maria, sorry you're feeling a bit homesick. Don't know what to suggest. I'm only here 15 months so if there's a bout of homesickness on its way to me, it hasn't arrived yet. However, sometimes it helps to identify what exactly it is you're missing. Like you, we love living in France, and also there's not a lot left for us to "go back to" as it were. For example, several of our close friends have also moved country - 2 couples gone to Portugal, 1 couple to Netherlands. I do of course miss my children and am missing out on milestones with my grandchildren, so I make the most of it with Skype. That said, two of our four girls no longer live in our home town.
I wish I could offer something more concrete but sending virtual tea and sympathy your way. xxx
Can't say that I miss the UK at all, not even when I am doing battle with EdF/GdF, SFR!. I miss people sometimes. I still visit, but generally they are busy with their own lives. Have no desire to return, but of course, you can never say never...
I think it is probably a very common feeling, especially if you have attachments in the UK. It's never happened to me, but I know lot's of people to whom it has happened.Time helps as you get more and more used to the fact that you now live in France. It's a big move and not without its share of trauma.
Please remember though that you are not alone, there is this great community on SFN who will always lend an ear and offers of help, many of the people having experienced the same feelings as yourself.
I am a person who is unsure where he belongs, for all of that I often miss Cambridge because of how it used to stimulate me being there and a few old friends to boot, all of us getting long in the tooth at that.