I'm sure you understand; I'm not ready to let him go just yet. We still have some Moody Blues, Roxy Music etc records to play and some red wine to drink. Just glad to have him home regardless of any French estate outcome. She's just applied for fathers UK estates which I find just greedy but. Part of me thinks if you want it have it.
Closure is very important, I totally agree, but as VL says, a funeral service isn't the only or even the best way to achieve that. If your dad specifically said he didn't want to return to the UK, it seems right that his "official" cremation took place in France. That doesn't stop you holding your own celebration of his life with you, and spending time with him spiritually. Treasure the memories, not the ashes.
Regarding the gf and the UK estates, I have to admit I don't know what rule 75 means, but I believe that since your dad was resident in France when he died, then the whole of his worldwide estate is subject to French inheritance tax rules. Unless he had specifically made a will asking for UK inheritance laws to apply, which presumably he didn't. So I'm not sure what the gf has "applied for"; presumably this is an "application" in the sense of a legal formality, not a personal request. As said, French law doesn't really leave much room for individuals to decide how the estate will be distributed. It's not a case of, if she wants it let her have it. It's more a case of, if the law says it goes to her then she has to have it, and if she doesn't want it then she has to officially refuse the inheritance, and the notaire will then offer it to the next in line. At the end of the day, the notaire has to account for every cent or penny of your father's estate at the time of his death, to show that it was all distributed in accordance with French succession law. It's essential that the French state knows exactly who inherited what because unlike in the UK where the estate itself is taxed before it's distributed, so it doesn't matter two figs to the UK government who gets what once the inheritance tax has been paid, under French law the estate is not taxed as a whole. Each heir is responsible for paying any succession tax that's due from them due on the portion they have inherited, and according to how closely you were related to the deceased you pay tax at a higher or lower rate. It's a very different process.
So depending on how your father arranged things, if under French law part of the estate is yours, then you will, eventually, get it.
Anna, it is not the case that if one is resident in France that "the whole of his worldwide estate is subject to French inheritance tax rules" anymore, and hasn't been so for some years now. My wife passed away suddenly in December 2013, we were both French residents at the time. In France we had a house, cash, investments, cars, etc. as we did in in Dublin. There was only my daughter and I to inherit. Our notaire, who I chose because I knew him through buying our house in 2004, was a star. He understood the complexities and investigated the options. While ultimately being responsible for tax collection he ensured that my wife's succession was handled in the most tax effective way.
David, Not withstanding the emotional turmoil and pain associated with the loss of your Dad, what I have noted here is that everyone is advising you to go to a notaire. I endorse that advice with the proviso that not all notaires are created equal. If you can, get a recommendation for a diligent and competnt one. BTW, a notaire's advice is free.