Sorry to hear of your friend’s death - especially horrid when there is a young family! I agree with what others have said - just be natural. Go round and talk to them, taking something if you want. Funeral attire seems to be sombre, but not necessarily black - and if you can’t do that because you have been working then you go as you are! Being there is more important than what you wear. (Sounds stupid to say - but it is true!!)
The funerals I have been to have included filing past a closed coffin and I have copied what those ahead of me have done! It seems to work!
As others have said - acknowledging the loss is the important thing! (for them and for you!)
What is wrong with us Brits(I include myself) The viewing to pay respects is very much the expected French way to go about things. I was asked to carry the cross in front of the coffin, had to be on hand all through the long service and then the burial of my elderly next door neighbour. Quite an eye opener for a WASP like me. Carrying your flowers into the church is another unfamiliar custom.
My OH and I have both stipulated that we do not wish to be viewed but our French friends are very anti this sentiment.
Around here you’ll find a book of condolences set out on table outside the gate.
Yes, with Catharine, Celeste and Nick here... It is solemn, very quiet, very quick and perhaps not what you might expect. The couple I have been too there was no real dressing in mourning. Something black was worn by older women especially, tokenwise by a few younger ones. The men kept it dull to dark, but several had jeans on as always in both cases. Indeed a couple of men I thought were grave diggers simply took time out from work on their farms and came as they were.
In fact, I was quite relieved there was no hullabaloo as much as a good Celtic wake works for me. Condolences as your instincts tell you for sure. That last glimpse of the person departed in the coffin is choice. My father (who I did not get one with) was laid out for the 24 hours before the funeral which is the only time I did not want to say goodbye to the remains of the person I knew, even symbolically.
Thanks to all. I'm going there at 5 tonight, cake isn't my forte, but I'll find something else.
Hi I’m really sorry to hear that. I second what Nick has said about the open coffin. I did have to do this at one point and it was actually ok but as others have said, it will probably be in another room.
I would go round - I think people need acknowledgement of their loss more than anything and you just going will help xxx
Be natural. The open coffin thing is your personal choice and generally will be in a room that you have to specifically go into in the house - usually a bedroom. (ie it won't be open view when you walk in). So I would go and visit the family and they will probably ask if you would like to spend some time with your friend.
Note in France the internment or cremation usually happen very quickly. At the funeral, friends and family usually file past the coffin, make the sign of the cross and touch the coffin. I usually just bow my head.
Very sorry to hear of your loss of a friend.
Difficult, I haven't had to view a coffin here but the few times I have lost near neighbours I have put a card through the door. Once the widow was in , no coffin viewing thankfully, so we had a hug, chat small cry . I have always received a thank you card for this. Our area is still blessedly old fashioned in that way .
One time I was asked to attend a funeral here Uk national with french wife I had a "what should I wear?" dilemma as most mourners here don't seem to over do the black I ended up wearing black and grey( going with the Uk version of a funeral in his honour) and it seemed Ok. The widow that time dressed as she dressed everyday in a beige coat. Our other neighbours funeral was more formal a mix of black and dark clothing and some everyday clothes from his drinking buddies. There doesn't seem to be a right or wrong but the gesture of your presence is always much appreciated it seems, so that would seem to be the same thing for making contact after this sad event by calling around or leaving a card.
What is picking up letters by a visitor to a funeral in France? It is mentioned in Albert Camus novel The Falls.