Only just noticed the typo, it originally read ‘male box checked’ sorted now.
The last small glass of the classy Alsace white went down with my small lunch yesterday to make way for a tasty 2018 Merlot from the Pays D’Oc with my evening meal.
For someone used to jugs with no labels in routier restos I seem to be turning into a wine snob. Just as long as I don’t hurry the Merlot in the haste to find out what the next excellent gift brings, I suppose it is ok.
I think you are a.m.a.z.i.n.g to abstain as a buddy to your wife/partner. My boss was a divorced wealthy polo female and her circle of friends touched the royal circles. She sadly became divorced after her husband gave her the ultimatum of open that bottle of champagne and our marriage is over. When we entered her life as PA/Housemananger the outgoing staff warned us to check the Evian water bottles for vodka. Hence I saw a woman who was at one time so beautiful become overweight, unhealthy and ravaged by choosing alcohol as her drug of choice sadly she became estranged from her only son and grandchildren as she was embarrassing for them. Her good and long time divorcee girlfriend had done the Priory and was at least trying …over dinner one night my boss said to her friend ‘oh one glass won’t hurt’… so I watched 2 women in their late 50’s who had the world at their feet and so much life still in front of them self destruct. Our boss died 18months after we left of liver cancer … so you did wonderfully well with Fran and that book room is the reward for your support and care … enjoy their is no guilt she would have passed I am sure had you not had such wonderful ethics and love … because its not for the faint hearted. Hope the year ahead is kind to you …
One caveat, an addiction may have begun with a choice but the ride becomes embedded in brain chemistry.
Addiction can grow to control all and every decision. To fight, and it is a fight, against it is for some beyond their remaining strength. One day, a safe way to repair the chemical imbalance that causes addiction will be found, I sincerely hope.
Thank you both, kind words and wise too. If there is anything to say in favour of the awful disease of dementia, it is the fact that, in her case it has made her forget her addictions to alcohol and tobacco, so there is no longer a struggle to keep her from slipping back. She has no memory, so no cravings. Unfortunately, she would forget to eat also if there was not someone here to give her, now no longer solid, food intake.
I pray for this also … but it is a choice and unless something tragic happens where they hit rock bottom nothing changes … thankfully for David and Fran dementia was the saviour from destruction but at the cost of losing the ability to function without assistance. A world without war and a world without addictions where we all work and live in happiness and peace would be magical … great comment Susannah.
Why do some folk insist (and I do mean insist) that one should have an alcoholic drink ?? Offer “whatever” and if the Visitor says No Thankyou… that should surely be that.
OK… perhaps to offer again, in case the Visitor was just being polite… but to keep on and on… I find it’s actually rather rude.
Especially rude when I explain that in the case of OH… alcohol and his medication do not mix well… and mine-Host looks hurt and says… "Oh just a little drop won’t hurt him … "
I used careful, clearly understandable French… (and mine-Host is well aware of OH’s health history…)
and all the while I’m trying to keep my cool while being treated as if I’m antisocial…
The same applies with sugary treats especially cakes (“just a small slice, I made it myself” ) and foie gras (“it is delicious, you shouldn’t deprive yourself”). I think it assuages their own subconscious guilt at consuming things they know are unhealthy. We have found that the best way of repulsing these kind offers is just to say “I don’t like it”.
Not to hurt someone’s feelings or appear judgemental by saying what I really think in a jolly setting (I love animals and I’m concerned for my own liver ), I just say I’m allergic.
Mind you, anyone present who knows me might think I am becoming a Bubble Girl.
And, one has to have a very good memory when being economical with the truth
I will often be sent home with a package of sugary things… when I’ve refused them at a neighbours (or just eaten a tiny amount, which is not deemed sufficient by mine-Host).
Makes me wonder if saying I am Diabetic would bring out the jaded/over-used response… "Oh just a little won’t hurt… "
(I’m not diabetic, just have a natural low-sugar threshold and I wouldn’t like to lie… but… aaargh)
Mmm… I find I often lie in order to not hurt someone’s feelings.
“What do you think of our new ……?” full of expectation and fraught with danger. “Oh, lovely” is really the only possible answer, even if not remotely the truth.
Try asking your beloved, “Does this make me look fat /old?”
Seriously, though, how many of us have ever answered “Yes” to “does my bum look big in this” ?
Actually I judge people by their ability to put the truth politely or at least avoid or divert. Some clever people just ask a question back. But to tell a barefaced lie, or say lovely when it’s not…it would have to be a very special situation for me to respect that.
Of course I have, do I want a friend to go around looking less good than they might because I was too squeamish to tell the truth? This is a typical illustration of the perfidiousness of Albion
I often tell my wife (preferred term to ‘OH’) that some sartorial combination doesn’t work. The other night, she opted to wear casual tan country jodphur boots to a NYE dinner with a bottle green, mid- calf crushed velvet dress, forgetting that she’d also got a pair of .black pointy-toed ones that were much more appropriate for a glitzy occasion. One can break sartorial rules, but it’s better to do so intentionally and knowingly.
I’m sure to some the above must seem really arrogant, but it’s simply about wanting my partner to look her best by reminding her of how many pairs of shoes she has!
I am amazed at this question under discussion, I thought it was an urban myth. I have never asked or been asked such a question in my life. So it can’t be all that typical of perfidious Albion.
Feeling now thoroughly judged, I will invite more condemnation by asking the panel if they feel that omission and prevarication is also not in effect a lie?
For those ‘sent abroad to lie for their country’ it is actually a career choice
sorted now. 
), I just say I’m allergic.
