Same for us, friends and younger members of the in-out-laws, we put them up in the gite en face de chez nous, elder members go into a plush hotel about 80 yards away.
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We donât stay at anyone elseâs place, so we donât feel obliged to have them stay with us. Weâll of course offer to book accommodation for them, if they tell us how much theyâre prepared to pay. Exception - my wifeâs friend, who has no money and is very quiet and considerate.
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NaughtyâŠ
A lot depends on âwhoâ, but weâre naturally sociable. My brother and his wife did a week with us a couple of years ago and all was good, likewise our son spent the week with us this trip, and although he has significant mass within the household, thatâs fine. True good friends would likewise be OK, and weâre hoping our grandson (possibly with his mum) will stay with us at some stage.
OTOH for those less close the fish guide applies.
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I think timing is dependent on guests but what I have decided after the firsT six months in France since we moved is that people do need Their own car and need to be semi self sufficient.
at times it feels like we run an Airbnb and a car service and a tour planning service and dinner reservations concierge service all for no cost to them. The expectation at times that they come down and ask what we are doing today gets tiring. A good guest spends time with you, time on their own and has read about where you are so they can at leasT let you know what they want to see.
Oh and after two days I really donât care if you have had a good night sleep or bad As I suspect itâs the same at home at not our fault
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We have a conversation on the first evening about how the holiday is likely to run. We also tell friends and family that weâre not available before 9am or whatever. We give them information about tourist attractions, trains and buses.
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100% agree!
A tale of two visits.
My ex/erstwhile/on & off for 20 years/yes, there was a ring/ a race round London showing it off to all and sundry ⊠fiancĂ©e invited me to her place in Port of Spain, Trinidad, for Christmas and âstay as long as you likeâ.
I knew which way was up.
I did think to write a sort of briefing paper to avoid the problem we had when I was last there, some years previously, when she got rather over-excited and proposed on my first evening there. I thought that as a grown-up person, this might be considered what is now known as âmansplainingâ, so I didnât.
"Not while my mother is still alive, " I had replied.
Unfortunately all was lost within 10 mins of my arrival.
I had gone to some trouble to co-ordinate an order for artistâs supplies. I had 6kgs of âartistâs coloursâ [never call them oil paints if flying] in my luggage, as well as Branston Pickle and Heinz Salad dressing.
On arrival at chez elle, the box of paints was snatched from my case and she ran upstairs to the studio.
Uproar. Loud and furious wailings. A veritable spasm. Serious volume. Directed at me
The supplier had omitted one of two 50gm titanium whiteâŠ
The words of her beloved aunt rose to mind. I had been taken to one side on an occasion back-along and asked, âWhy do you put up with it?â
So the moment had come. Up with it I was no longer going to put.
The trouble was I was in Port of Spain. Trinidad in November. We were committed to house/dog sit for a couple of her friends who were going to spend Christmas and N.Yr in Europe. If I was a different kind of person perhaps I would have said. âIâm offâ There was no possibility of herself doing this commitment on her own, out in the country/jungle at a remote estate. Her friends would have to cancel everything.
I called BA and asked for a seat on the first flight after 1st Jan ⊠nothing until 19th Jan!
As fortune would have it, BA had got their scheduling in a fankle and there was no aircraft to do the flight. I had to wait at one of the worldâs most dog-eared airports, Piarco, Port of Spain, for 9 hours for the flight to leave. There was no question of going back to chez elle.
During this time I came across a family I had met at a party - pa, ma + 2 boys - having a greasy chicken meal at one of the two food outlets at Piarco - KFC or a local equivalent. KFC has more outlets per capita in Trinidad than any other KFC territory in the world.
âJust getting our last of shitty Trini greasy food before getting back to Brasilâ. They were glad to go. They had been held at gunpoint, lying on the floor for hours by a druggie at their New Year beach rental on Tobago âŠ
On el otro mano I had no visitors to Valencia while I lived there - 5 years inc a bit of Covid. I had a postcard after I left from my god daughter âNow I can see why you like it so muchâ and from friends on a fam trip, âPlease move back so we can visit.â
Love it they might. But visit - they never did.
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Never stay anywhere for long!
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YupâŠyou canât take it with you and a fun philosophy!
I know exactly what you mean - I had one of those too!!! 
Fortunately Madame the present incumbent is much lower maintenance!
I seem to be an outlier here! Over 2 months would be my limit! It helps that I have plenty of space, a spare car and am more than happy to hand over my kitchen to friends who love to cook! Friends that do come for that time are usually independent sorts in keeping themselves occupied while being happy to do odd jobs and help in the garden. Since early April I have a South American couple staying whom I met on a boat trip in Paraguay nearly 30 years ago and it is a great opportunity to enjoy their company and practise my Spanish!
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Wow that sounds lovely indeed and well done you! (There is hope for all of usâŠ..). 
The fish guide is good.
Worth looking at where the guests live. My nephewâs house in London is perfect for a week long house exchange. They can also look after the dogs here!!
Around 1930, my great aunt wrote a book called The Perfect Hostess. Definitely from a different age. There was a poem called the Perfect Guest. I asked ChatGPT AI to update it. Itâs not perfect but this was its first attempt.
The Perfect Guests (2026)
They answered promptly, neat and clear,
A message sentââWeâll soon be there.â
They took the route they said they would,
And found their way as travellers should.
They brought a modest caseâor two,
And kept their things from spreading through.
For foodâwhatever came their wayâ
They praised it warmly, night or day.
The coffee, strong, they found it fine,
As one expects in Franceâdivine.
They did not ask for this or that,
Nor rearrange the hostâs habitat;
But settled in with easy grace,
As though they understood the place.
They kept their mornings to their own,
Till ten oâclock had safely shown.
No early knock, no whispered pleaâ
They let the household sleeping be.
No messages at dead of night,
No sudden needs, no small requests;
What better way to please oneâs hosts
Than being such untroubling guests?
They left no trace of fret or mind,
Excepting thanksâboth warm and kind.
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If her initials were RHH that book was in my house library at school, along with Constance Spry 
My niece moved into our flat in London temporarily while looking for an affordable London rental. That was in 2015. She is still there with her partner and a couple of cats now.
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I hope all is going along with no problems.
A friendâs sister and BiL went bust. The friend bought their flat [St Johnâs Wood - mucho dinero] and allowed them to continue to live there, with two teenage children. I canât recall whether there were arrangements regarding rent.
The parents moved out but the teenagers stayed put, paid nothing and refused to vacate.
Obviously, it went legal. I recommended the solicitors I had used to handle a property/business purchase that involved a freehold and two leaseholds. The firmâs notepaper included âAgents to The Privy Councilâ.
Some time later I asked the friend how things went with his flat. âThose solicitors - they were expensive but they got the job done in no uncertain termsâ
Indeed they were. The Perfect Hostess. I had a friend whose mother said that she was brought up on her books in the 1930s. She wrote a few, including Good Morning Mr Manners. The Perfect Hostess was republished c1990.
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There was a period when I was paying more p/m for the Hi Maintenance Blondâs coiff than I was paying in to my pension fund ⊠