My strategy is always to say “vous” until the French person says “tu” to me. In an office situation it was immediately accepted that I was one of the team by my colleagues even the office manager. I was much more careful with his boss and the next one up. By the end of my stay, it was “tu” for everyone with just one exception: the site director. Even though he said “tu” to me I always said vous to him.
As we’re doing the full tour… from Club Members to Chief Executives and beyond… 
I’ll throw another of my own observations into the ring…
Emotions… emotional times (particularly sad times) … can change “vous” into “tu”… and then back again, once the situation changes…
1 Like
When I joined the flying club some moons ago, I had the same pickle. So I started to call them Monsieur Alfonse or Madame Celeste, this provided guffs of amusement from the other members till they said “just call me Alfonse” or Celeste.
2 Likes
I got a little grin from the doctor when I called her Madame le Docteur or Médecin, can’t remember which.
1 Like
If everyone already in the club “tutoyes” you could tell him that everyone is very informal and uses “tu”, I think he’d respond honestly either with he perefers to “vouvoie” or will accept. It is still awkward though, I’ve just got a new boss today and held off sending a message (I’m on tele travail) to avoid havingg to decide, and that’s despite our company being very much a “tutoie” company!! Luckily he messaged me first and tu-ed me!
1 Like
I think it’s one of the hardest things to get a feel for initially. Awkward ones are when the other person does start “tutoying” but obviously isn’t comfortable and goes back to Vous! Also I Vouvoie my mother in law (and father in law before he passed away) and I find myself starting to use “tu”, but have to stop myself.
That is interesting…I have exactly this situation with a fellow volunteer at the chateau where I clear scrub…She is about 70, was on tutoyer terms for the first 18 months, but has recently started to use vous with me. I’m very puzzled why she’d do this (we get on well) and what if anything I should do…I have continued to tutoie her, as if nothing has changed…
It is awkward isn’t it?! I hate non synchronised tu/vous (except with my parents in law) so typically go back to Vous if that’s how they are more comfortable. All my examples where when I was the other one’s senior in terms of company structure and of course at 62 am always older so that might have been part of it.
1 Like
She!s just forgotten…and probably uses vous to most of the younger men she comes across so is more in that groove.
2 Likes
Forgetting reminds me of a long time ago when I used to meet people for work say once every two or three months. I used to write a “T” next to their name (in diary or address book) to remind me!! Memory usually kicked in after a couple of times!
1 Like
Maybe they wanted a trheesome and the vous was plural 
1 Like
It may not be universally true in all regions, but my own experience suggests there may be regional variation on this point. My first experiences of living and working in France were in mountain communities, first in Savoie, then in the southern Alps. There, I would say that within a month everybody – from the Maire and the mairie staff to the doctor and other health professionals, and the shopkeepers and the postmaster, the waiters, delivery men and everyone else – was Pierre or Marie and most certainly “tu”, both to us and from us. Monsieur and Madame were reserved for total strangers or customers.
In retirement, we moved to Ariège in the south-west where everything is hugely more formal. Despite now 15 years residence here, and 30 years total in France, there are still many locals who prefer Monsieur and vous despite frequent and informal contact over years. Even neighbours. A few whom I have directly tackled on the point, because of some particular cooperation or activity, tend to say “I don’t like to” or “I don’t dare” (oser). Some, where the situation is really silly, I persist with tu but they continue to be formal back, but totally friendly
I should say that this is not just directed at me, the foreigner. They are extremely formal between themselves – my saying is that if I hear two elderly men tutoying each other round here, it means they were at primary school together.
I would be very interested in any other regional observations.
1 Like
Just to say thank you to everyone for your advice. As we were leaving this evening I had the opportunity to apologise to our new member about using tu when I first met him. He’s absolutely fine about it and “tu” it will continue to be.
6 Likes
To add to this thread, it’s also a way to feel very, very old. At our Qi Gong class this morning a new, younger than me, member politely asked if she could tu-toi me. I suddenly felt ancient!
My wife has free one-to-one French lessons with a 60+ year-old lady at the Secours Catholique. The lady has been vousvoying my wife for over a year now. We are also all three of us in a rambling group where most of us tutoy each other. I recently tutoyed the teacher without thinking. My wife pointed it out to me afterwards. At her next lesson she excused me and the teacher said it was ok and finally agreed to tutoy my wife. At the next lesson, however, she said she thought it would be better to go back to vousvoying during the lesson, but they could tutoy at the rambling group. How weird is that?
I’ve noticed this before in certain situations … it keeps things on a proper/respectful footing, teacher-pupil in your wife’s case…
I am sometimes addressed as “vous” on official business and “tu” on non-official business… by the same person…
1 Like
But she’s not even a qualified teacher, just a volunteer! I find it pretentious on her part. Just because you tutoy someone doesn’t imply you don’t respect them.
3 Likes
Ooh interesting, can you elaborate please?
1 Like
Not pretentious, just comfortable keeping to familiar behaviors.
quote=“Stella, post:36, topic:45273”]
I am sometimes addressed as “vous” on official business
[/quote]
I thought you were retired Stella, and British, so not part of local council. Out of curiosity what is your official hat?
1 Like
Fucking insane IMHO
1 Like