@anon88169868 because their parents looked after them! (Assuming they did)
And what if they didnāt?
How is this assessed?
Hello
The French law is clear that Sons in Law are responsible for their mother in lawās costs - care home or otherwise - or a share at least along with her children - even where the son in law is widowed. A court in France has ruled this.
Whether such a judgement is enforceable (en Ecosse) is uncertain and post Brexit even less likely. Enforceable laws must not conflict with Scotās public policy - but at the moment it would be down to me to go to court to challenge on that point - costly!!
To be honest Iāve lost my wife and all this is just so inconsequential to my loss - I donāt care. Iāve also lost France which is so sad - if you live there embrace it. I miss the too long dinners - I used to hate. The seemingly little things people there cherish that make the country so good - the gossip over wine, the family chit chat. I miss France.
Hope this helps
Peter
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Oh my parents looked after me, just not all that well emotionally. Iām not feeling any sense of obligation here. Iām trying not to make the mistakes that I perceive they made with my own son - but I guess Iāll inevitably make mistakes of my own - I just hope they arenāt too bad.
Peter, of course is right when he says that if it is French law then it doesnāt really matter what I think - but I have to say that expecting the widowed spouse of someoneās offspring to contribute to their care is a bit much.
Itās a problem that affects all societies as we live longer but in frail health and, in its own way contributed to May loosing the Tory majority. Being persuaded of her unassailably she tried to get changes in care provision which would have made it more expensive for families with relatives in care - it went down like a lead balloon and lost her a good bit of support at the ballot box.
Mum had Alzheimerās - paying for her own care burnt through all her assets. Even an average sort of care home - nothing fancy - cost nearly Ā£2k a month, paying for that would have bankrupt me.
I am an only child. My parents sent me away to school at 4, I boarded for my entire school career and saw them at most 3 weeks a year. My father is dead and my mother has Pickās disease, so she hasnāt known who I am or indeed who she is for over 15 years. I shall be looking after her when/if my stepfather canāt.
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fascinating thread, ultimately care for the elderly is not cheap and to look after relatives yourself comes with its own price. Given demographics it wonāt go away. I can almost see a reversal of recent trends where children begin to encourage their parents to; smoke, drink and put their feet up whilst eating fatty foods.
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I am humbled by your commitment, but could never share it.
Though would you feel the same if it were your stepfatherās care?
Of course.
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In my opinionā¦ it is one thing to talk about what might or might notā¦but what actually happens in real lifeā¦ that is something else entirely.
My own beloved daughter tells me that she will āpush me in my wheelchair off the cliffā (metaphorically speaking), if she can see me going down the same route as we had with my mother. I have told her that I quite understand (and I really do) ā¦ but, come the dayā¦ Iām not so sure I would agreeā¦ 
We do, what we doā¦when/if the time comesā¦ simply because family is familyā¦
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Iām one of 6 and definitely my mumās least favourite. My parents separated over 35 years ago. I am lucky that presently they both live independently. However at 83 and 88 years this will probably change. I have always said they can live with me when the time comes. None of my siblings have offered to have them and I think just one sibling would if necessary.
I could never not look after them if needed but I realise that in certain circumstances they would need a nursing home which would deplete their assets, so be it. If I had to pay for their care from my own income I would find it unfair for my children as they could do with my savings much more in my opinion. I suppose the upside is I would be liable for only 1/6 th.
Emotional abuse is just as bad as any other form of abuse.
My mother was told by her best friend that she was not treating me well and her reaction was not to speak to her for six months.
I was lucky that someone spoke up, in the fifties people kept to themselves much more than nowadays and I donāt think emotional abuse was recognised.
I had to distance myself from her and my sister, I was too busy dealing with my appalling mother in law and needed to stay sane for my children.
All gone now and we feel blessed.
As others have said, there is a strong cultural element in all this. However, I do think some change is needed on both sides. In the UK the burden on the public sector in looking after people has grown too big. Families do need to do more - not just financially but also the other aspects of care. And in France I feel there needs to be some change to the cut & dried assumption that you cannot disinherit your family and have to treat them equally. As I said before there are nuances of abuse that need to be recognised.
A friend has recently been through an awful time. Her huband committed suicide, which was bad enough. But then the guardian for his mother (with dementia) who had abandoned him at age 2 and physically abused him launched a case for part of his estate. They won. And following that his biological sister, who he had never seen in his life, also won as small part of the inheritance. Is that fair?
That seems pretty immoral to me. Money seems to bring out the worst in people. My brother is very comfortably off and has recently purchased some items for my mum amounting to about Ā£2000.
He doesnāt visit often and has never physically helped.
We do lots for my mum, decorating and gardening. She lived with us for 6 weeks twice after operations.
My brother wants my mum to alter her will so he gets his money back. Obviously we are not charging anything for hundreds of hours of care and labour!
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BHell Teresaā¦ just when I think folk can stoop no lower ā¦ along comes another to prove me wrong.
Families are definitely notā¦ all sugar and spiceā¦ 
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The thing is Iām quite close to my brother so when I found out, from mum, I just let it go because itās not worth any fuss. My sister was more annoyed on my behalf as she knows how much I do.
My mum thinks the sun shines out of my brother and keeps telling me how good he is.
Ironically I was the one who had to help my mum buy these items as she needed advice and nobody else was going to help!
Not what might or might not for me, it is what will happen.
Veroā¦ . I was not replying or referring to youā¦ but to others who feel unable/unwilling or whateverā¦
(My words crossed over with yours, unintentionally)
cheers
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Sounds about right to me.
Brothers are bad news.
My brother is very fair minded and he honestly thinks he is being fair. I donāt think he equates giving money and actually physically being there. My mum has never been to the house he now lives in but she blames his wife. I asked her once if she preferred boys and she said yes.
Even my brothers wives get better gifts than me at Christmas and on my 60 th I didnāt even get a gift. Itās how she is but I refuse to fall out with her because soon she wonāt be here and my siblings will have to live with that and I can honestly say that I did enough, perhaps I could do more but that will always be the case.
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Mothers are worse and I have had three!
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