Now then @Vero… I liked your post well before you added the colourful anecdotes… 
I heard a wretched man asking for djuss dee fruit when he meant zhü der frwee and not getting very far.
2 Likes
Vair as in Cinderella’s slipper, ver as in worm.
1 Like
But back to our moutons, I have a trace memory that clé is the only word in french that can be spelt with either an é or an f? So makes sense that the f is silent.
and then there is the … clé anglaise … 
yep, we’ve got various ones… 
a friend asked to borrow one to do some work … took us a few fun moments to figure out what he wanted…
That’s just the Académie Française’s little joke 
And the amusing case of un œuf, des œufs, pronounced anerf, dezö
1 Like
hehe the Germans also refer to an adjustable wrench as an “Engländer” .
Language is often great fun. Only yesterday my American wife made reference to someone’s ‘roomers’ (meaning lodgers) and it took me a minute or two before I figured out that she wasn’t talking about rumours in the English sense of that word.
1 Like
Oh, whilst we are on the topic of “almost silent” consonants, Auvergne place names are replete with such examples as Cunhlat (pronounced /kɛ̃.ja/), Flat and Aulhat (just to name but 3 villages in my neighbourhood), where the ‘t’ is always silent, the ‘h’ is transformed into a ‘y’, and the ‘n’ is nasalised to the point of almost being inaudible…mixtures of Old French and Oc (yes, Oc was spoken as far north as the Auvergne), make pronouncing such words correctly the first time an immediate “you’re not from here conversation piece” 
Ô, Maître Capelo, quand tu nous tiens…
There is a really good map somewhere showing all the isoglosses. Fascinating. I am from the SE and we don’t use the same spelling rules to write our version of Occitan (Provençal).
Err, whatever the test was - I failed it 
I’d already taken the tip about dropping the letter at the end of every word and I’ve taken to randomly swallowing some consonants in the middle. I’ve found that people seem to understand my French much better. 
It’s possible I come across as simple-minded, but it works.
Another thing I cherish is a quote that appears at the first line of Alfred Gilder’s book “Les 300 plus BELLE fautes à ne pas faire”, it runs as follows:
“Ce qui se conçoit bien s’énonce clairement. Et les mots pour le dire arrivent aisément.”
It was crafted by Nicolas Boileau in the 17th century, and I wear it strapped to my forehead in a little box.
I’ve considered reciting it to the librarian lady when I return the book. Might she find my doing so flirty, creepy, snooty or nutty?
I wouldn’t…
1 Like
Cultural reference to a guy who used to appear on French TV with dictation exercises / competitions.
I shan’t! 
Ladies on the checkouts run for the safety of the store-rooms, secretaries in the Mairie cower under their desks, and garagistes jump into their inspection pits at my approach.
Can’t help it, I am a town nuisance.
A bit off topic but I remembers being bambouzzled (spell?) for too long by hearing “hygiène” when what was being iscussed was “IGN”. What on earth could it have to do with maps?
1 Like
Pour moi un œuf is enough!
3 Likes