My heart goes out to you! And I thought Irish mammies were the worst for keeping the sons tied to the apron strings. I agree with Andrew, and this is becoming an intolerable situation for you. From what you said, you have only given us a brief insight into what she is really like. Did you gain any insight into what caused his first marriage to break up? I really hope you can sort this out. Sending you virtual tea and sympathy. Or should it be something stronger at this stage? !
I really do feel for you, I think I'd have left by now and told OH that it's her or you. OH's sister in law had the same for years here in the Aveyron, she had to make a real stand but it worked in the end. They moved to carcassonne for work/business 15 years ago but the relationship between her and mil is still a bit frosty! When the weather gets better, take her up the road to saint ferréol for a boat trip with her pocket full of stones...! On a more serious note I think you need to have a real talk with your OH otherwise she'll ruin your life and relationship for good if you let it go on. Especially with the new house etc. My OH's grandmother was out of the same mold and mil moved into the farm once married and has never been chez elle, especially while her MIL was still alive who rulled the farm like a true tyranical matriarc - something to do with this part of france?! All family meals and others for that matter have the men and women separated at table and the men don't lift a finger (great for me!) while the women do the work, is it the same the other side of the tarn?
Luck you! My parents adored their respective in laws and I am really out of my depth here
Wish I could avoid her...but she lives across the road, has key which she uses without permission, phones every five minutes, bullies my OH into following her every wish and is now project managing the building of our new house (including deciding furniture and telling me which of my possessions I will be allowed to keep etc). I no longer want to live there and have told my OH it would be best if he settles in first with his kids and I just come and go. He agreed as he does not want a running battle between MIL and me.
I made this decision when on-site on day. She told me to butt out when I said it was going to be my home and choices would be made by OH and myself. She reminded me we were building on her family land and then told me that no love ever matches the love a son has for his mother and after having 'lost' him when he was married, now that he is divorced she has him back and no one will come between them. That made me shudder!
OH too scared to ask her to back off as he needs her help with his kids. She said that if we get a babysitter/au pair she will go to court to demand her rights as a grandmother to be the care giver. Then she told the kids that their dad would rather farm them out to strangers than let her look after them (kids get lots and lots of presents from her so prefer the grandmother/unlimited bonbon supply option)
OH can't take any more and now just gives in. His (lovely) dad, who always stands up for me, now becomes 'selectively' deaf when she kicks off, shakes his head, looks at me with pity and says 'elle est penible'.
She has an obsessional hatred towards OH's ex wife (great mother, and the most amicable divorce in history) and is doing her best to turn the kids against her (so she can become 'mother')
And then there's the talking; she can easily do 45 rants without coming up for air, asks our opinion and then cuts in after a couple of seconds and talks so loudly you can hear her from the other side of the street.
Last week she asked me if I agreed with her on smacking children. I said 'no I'm not keen on the idea' and she replied 'tais-toi alors'. OH didn't stand up for me and when I asked her not to speak to me like that she said if I continued to disagree she would give me a smack. OH began to sink into his chair and FIL suddenly needed the loo
And the list goes on.
Just the thought of hearing her voice brings me out in eczema
Have seen/met women like that and run ={:-O
feel for you, I'm spoilt for the second time with a good one, well she's no hassle and we can dump the kids on her from time to time which is more than I can say for my own mum who has only seen her grandson twice in three years!