20 something in need of social activities

General Discussion
41

Heck David - I've just had to pour myself an Armagnac! :-)

Similar thoughts crossed my mind - maybe the poor bloke doesn't WANT to partake in the activities his poor old Mum is trying to steer him towards. Maybe he just wants to be left alone - well...that's absolutely fine - his life and all that. But then I guess his poor old Mum knows him better than anyone else and is acting fully in the best interests of her little boy - aka the 28 year old man.

Based on the vitriol I was subjected to I'd imagine that poor old Mum is used to getting her own way and is very rarely challenged.....a purely subjective view formed on absolutely no knowledge of the people or circumstances, but I'll run with it anyway. :-)

42

Were I 28 again Karen I would probably be turning up my toes for shame. But then again I wasn't of the generation that was Volvo'd to school and had arranged play dates. Leave the guy alone. Pretty pathetic that he come's back to you at age 28 maybe he doesn't want to do a lot of social stuff . Perhaps you might want to consult "mumsnet". I know you might not believe it but I left home at 19 a year late to go to university. From that date my parents were always supportive but agreed that I had my own life and my own mistakes to make and boy did I make them. Had my "mummy " made suggestions as to how I might occupy my time I fear the response might have been less than polite .Hate to admit it but for once I have sympathy with Simon Armstong; I'm getting to the like the guy despite his obsession with queues.

43

Don’t rise to his bait. It’s a speciality.

44

And that is EXACTLY my point Simon. Another FALSE accusation. Now please Stop making YOUR personal sniping comments when I have just asked for help.

45

Karen - I've wished you the best of luck, I think you've made your point (again!) - now can you please stop and desist with the personal attacks. Thank you :-)

46

Thanks Simon, the only thing that has wasted yours and mine time was the extra comments you felt the need to add. From the start you made a sniping comment with nothing useful in it. And you continued in every single reply. Isn’t it you who is aggressive and judgemental? I have just pointed out what you have been doing!

No one who knows either of our sons would say they needed ‘handholding’, but then you don’t know them, do you? Oh but hey, you still felt the need to comment and judge… I wonder what that says about you?

I just asked for some info because I have the time to do that and the forum is a short-cut to personal recommendations. We can all search the net effectively but nothing beats a ‘this worked for me’ recommendation. I thought I didn’t need to explain or justify that. Fortunately there are people out there who are happy to offer suggestions without judging people that they know nothing at all about…

47

I've quite obviously wasted my time by offering suggestions to a complete stranger and, from your dismissive and agressive responses, I'm guessing none of them have been taken on board! So be it.

Loads of young people (younger than 25!) take themselves off around the world and cope superbly well - that's why I'm so gob-smacked that someone who's done exactly that is finding rural France so difficult. I live in an extremely rural area in the foothills of the Pyrenees - but there is still a whole world out there for all ages - it's predominantly about effort.

As you so correctly point out - I clearly don't know your area so I hope you find some suggestions from people who do. Best of luck :-)

48

Thanks Catherine, that’s a good idea. His French is of a reasonable standard and so he can get by pretty well, but helping with English convo could be good for both parties!

49

I think you have missed the point… Again… And misjudged… Again… Where, in my post, has there been any ‘ah but, ah but’ or ‘excuses not to do stuff’! The whole point of my asking for help was that he wants to get out there and do stuff, don’t you understand that?

Comments like ‘I use such a gym in Niort, Melle or whatever’ or ‘there’s a good off road cycling club based at…’ Would have been helpful. This guy, at 25, took himself off to Canada to work and live, on his own, without any ‘hand-holding’… Frankly I find these ‘additional’ comments unnecessary, somewhat ill-informed and bordering on personally offensive. You may say you were trying to be helpful but when you keep adding sniping little comments, so it doesn’t come over that way, especially, as you clearly don’t know the area where we live so can’t actually recommend anywhere specifically…

50

I'd also suggest he sticks little ads up in the local supermarkets etc. offering to do a conversational exchange - there are lots of younger French people who are really keen to improve their English. And if he lists his activities / interests age etc. he might (hopefully!) find people of a similar age who want to go out and do stuff whilst speaking English.

But I agree, it is very, very difficult to find like minded younger people in rural France. There are simply not enough of them around.

Good luck! x

51

ah but...ah but....ah but......

Karen we can all find reasons NOT to do things - that's what stops us living sometimes!

Joining clubs, associations, activities - by yourself etc is a great way to meet people of all ages. You don't always need someone to hold your hand. Are you honestly suggesting that people living in rural areas (in any country!) don't have those opportunities?

Here's a couple more for you - you've / he's obviously tried all the ones on my earlier list which was meant to be helpful!

https://fr.match.com/

http://www.amiouplus.com/

....then of course there are always local Facebook groups etc

52

Thanks Chris! Yeah the ukulele was an odd one, but I guess it’s just a stringed instrument! I have. Got some really good info from people!

53

Yeah, yeah, nothing new there, I get all that and know what activities go on in and around the area and so does he… and I know and use the website for Niort. But what you don’t get, what you are missing, is how difficult it is to do most of those things on your own and when your neighbours are all in their 50s+. And how you meet and make those friends to invite round or go to restaurants with etc. when you live in rural France…!!

Fortunately I have had some great, really useful responses from several other sources, including a brilliant website where individuals arrange meet ups for individuals in their area and he has joined that. I knew something useful would come of asking!!

Odd as you might find this, I find your comments just a little judgemental… I came on here asking for advice and info which is what I thought the site was about…?

54

He has a good range of interests so I’m sure he’ll be fine. Although I don’t know your area, open mike sessions could be a good place to start…maybe leave the ukulele at home though! It’s never easy to integrate when you are new to an area. Good luck.

55

My pleasure Karen - although I do find this slightly 'odd'.....

Golf, swimming, horse riding, ULM / microlighting, Quad groups, hunting, village fetes, inviting friends and neighbours round, going round to friends and neighbours, concerts, theatre, cinema (brilliant films out his winter!), Sunday (or and day!) BBQ's in brilliant clear sunshine, line dancing and Ceroc, club memberships, fabulous winter/Christmas markets, trip out to the coast and over the borders, walking, wine tasting, exploring places you've never been (playing - shall we turn left or right??), trying different restaurants, museums, monuments, landmarks, cultural centres, city tours, assisting charities - animal rescue, Restos du Coeur, volunteering locally, language learning, read the books you've always wanted to, photography, fishing, cycling.....

Place adverts in local publications, at your Mairie, discuss with neighbours, in bars / cafés etc. - get out and about - be proactive - no one will come knocking at your door !

Niort is only about 20-30 mins away from you - just about everything available there with loads of associations and clubs for younger people - a quick web search brought up this excellent site for those living in and around Niort: http://www.vivre-a-niort.com/

Come on.......

56

Good idea, thanks! I have added info above!

57

You are right! I think there’s plenty he has got up to that I’d rather not know about!

But I do know he has done things like open mike sessions - he plays guitar and, bizarrely, ukulele! He has been part of indoor climbing club, goes to gym. Enjoys cycling, not road riding particularly but forest trails and so on. He is obviously interested in the arts, as well as music, cinema, gaming, reading. He also does weird things like poi and fire-spinning and other performance art…

58

He managed perfectly well thanks, Simon!! Difference is, he was working in a games studio, living in a lively university town not working freelance in rural France. This can can be a very isolating place even for people who carefully plan their move here carefully and often come as a couple. He neither asked me, nor knew that I had put out this request for info; I am just using my contacts/networks to glean some info which I can pass on to him. Is there anything wrong with that?
If, as you suggest, you did have some useful ideas and pointers, perhaps you could have written them here, instead??

59

I was thinking that like minded people might be as important as people of the same age.

60

If I'd listed my likes, interests and hobbies when I was 28, my mother might not have wanted to know...but John's right, Give us a clue. There could well be like minded people in your area with similar interests.