A little mid-week humour to lighten the mood

[AngelaR]

Lovely to have one I understand, so thank you, @gareth

[Ancient_Mariner]

[billybutcher]

[Ancient_Mariner]

[Susannah]

[Mark]

[Mat_Davies]

That is appalling - it is so bad I thought I better send the image to my mate to see if he thought it was appalling also - he was unsure so sent it to his mate!!!

(It did make me giggle)

[Ancient_Mariner]

I saw a bloke sobbing uncontrollably at a graveside earlier today.
“Why did you have to die, why did you have to die?” he cried, over and over again.
I said, “I’m sorry to intrude, but was it someone very close?”
“No not really,” he said. “It was the wife’s first husband!”

[Ancient_Mariner]

A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides, because she’s wearing a uniform she’s probably an off-duty stewardess, so he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto : ‘To Fly. To Serve’.
The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: ‘Winning the hearts of the world’.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: ‘Going beyond expectations’.

The woman looks at him sternly and says: ‘What the hell do you want?’
‘Ah!’ he says ‘Ryanair’.

[David_Spardo]

I stole this from elsewhere, of course, but think I have seen it before. I hope it wasn’t here, and me that posted it.

[Ancient_Mariner]

It has indeed been on SF, but I think in a different thread.

[David_Spardo]

Well I didn’t get it from here, but it might have been from here that I saw it before, thus I can thankfully release the senile button again.

[Ancient_Mariner]

[Ancient_Mariner]

I was working on a farm a while ago. The farmer was chatting to me and said that he was breeding three legged chickens!

I said “Wow, really, why would you do that?”

He said that he liked a chicken leg for dinner. His wife liked a chicken leg for dinner, and so did his daughter.

A normal chicken only has two legs so that caused a bit of stress at dinner time. So the solution was to breed three legged chickens.

I said “So you have them now?”

“Yes” he said.

I asked “What do they taste like?”

He said “I don’t know, we haven’t caught one yet!"

[billybutcher]

The old ones are the best - though when I heard that joke it was crossing a chicken with an octopus to produce an eight-legged bird.

[David_Spardo]

A man shoots a golden eagle, a protected species, and goes up before the magistrate.
‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to shoot it,’ he says. ‘It just flew into my sights and I shot it by mistake.’
‘Well, what did you do with it afterwards?’ asked the magistrate.
‘I ate it,’ he said.
‘You ate it!’ said the magistrate. ‘What did it taste like?’
‘Rather like swan,’ he said.

As usual, Barry Cryer via The Oldie.

Joke’s on the Oldie though as well. It really is run by old people. They send it to me online, every week or two although I have never paid for it. But from time to time a panel crops up asking if I want to pay which I always click away.

Recently I thought, I really ought to pay for this it is such good value and, in any case this panel is very annoying.

So I clicked on the panel, it took me right round the houses and back to where I started.
No request for money has been made, and I am still plagued by the request panel.
But there is an additional problem now.
I get 2 issues every time instead of one.

[David_Spardo]

This caught my eye under the heading ‘How Many Typos Will I Make Today?’
Because it fits me like a glove, I seem to spend at least half my time online proof reading, and not always successfully.

I also particularly liked:
There was also a terrible day when Lindsay Bareham’s recipe listed a tablespoon of curry powder instead of a teaspoon in the ingredients.

And, because it causes me apoplexy every time I hear it:
There was also a headline reading ‘Hung, drawn and quartered’ instead of ‘Hanged, drawn and quartered’, which incensed people for a very long time.

[Ancient_Mariner]

@David_Spardo

which incensed people for a very long time.

Only certain people, I suspect.

[Porridge]

@Ancient_Mariner

Only certain people, I suspect.

Not The Nine O'Clock News - "My aunt, who I live with"

[David_Spardo]

I’ll give you a clue. I am not the one sitting down in that video.