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An Irish family from the country made their first visit into Dublin City. The girl and her mother went into the clothing shops while the husband and son continued to explore. They came to a lift, a device they had never seen before. They were mystified, watching lights flicker above the pair of metal doors.
They both watched in amazement as an elderly woman in an old shawl hobbled up to the doors and pushed a button – which lit up – causing the doors to slide open and reveal a tiny room. The elderly woman stepped into the room and the doors closed.
The lights above the doors began to flicker and then the doors opened and a very attractive young blonde woman in a low-cut top and miniskirt walked out.
Without taking his eyes from the woman, the father nudged his son and whispered in an urgent tone,
“Go get your ma.”
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Annie Tempest’s Tottering by Gently
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I am sure that last one would be jolly funny if only I knew who is Robert Smith 
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Having found out who he is - Robert Smith (musician) - Wikipedia - I am none the wiser. Perhaps those are song lyrics?
The fact that @Gareth is younger than either of us might possible go some way to explain it? 
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The Cure 
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There’s more to Temple Bar than just Guinness…
In 2005 I met an Irish artist (name forgotten!) at an environmental art conference in Leeds , his presentation had been about an art project called ‘The Spirit of Temple Bar’ for which, early one Sunday he’d gathered together a lot of fairly gross collection of the previous night’s litter and detritus from that famous street, which was then boiled up, triple distilled, charcoal filtered and bottled in miniatures as a limited edition art .
That evening we met up for a pint in the Town Hall Tavern and he mentioned he"d brought along a couple of works from his edition. Hard to resist, and I remember that despite its disgusting origins, the Spirit of Temple Bar was very clean tasting rocket fuel.
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