.
I totally agree in trying to reduce stress as much as possible Kerry, for everyone. I don't think my dad would last an evening with my two (5 and 3) and it might even put him off coming again, which is a huge effort for him too!
sounds like you were used as the proverbial free hotel there Sheila, glad you put your foot down. changing countries shouldn't change the way you treat other people - family and friends staying would help out in the UK so why not France!
A few years ago, a woman and I were contemplating writing a book about the (mis)conduct and behaviour of guests. SURVIVE FRANCE readers have beaten us to it.
I agree with Andrew - it's the "style". We had a family member contact us a couple of months ago - marital problems, needed a break, etc. We thought it was for the weekend - this person arrived on a one-way ticket! Went out on their own to eat, etc., etc. However, the thing that upset me was locking the bedroom door before going out for walks (alone)! Well, eventually we had to ask this person to leave after 10 days. Other than that, any friends or family who have come to stay have always contributed, helped with washing up, laundry, etc.
Not an easy one Kerry!
Lot of responses to this post. In the US, Thanksgiving was my favourite holiday because everyone traditionally brought a dish which I coordinated. Not only did that help with the catering, but also the pressure as we were all "hosts", and there was no obligation to return the invitation on the "guests".
Here in France, friends and family are invited to come for literally as long as they like but I have four rules:
1.You have to be able to drive. Don't mind lending out my 22 year old Renault 11.
2. You have to help with the cooking.
3. There's a kitty which pays for everything: gas, food, restaurants, movies, etc. Usual contribution is 50 euros a week but occasionally kitty needs to be topped up.
4. Everyone has to be nice to moi.
Both systems have work well.
It came across wrong Richard, he adores my OH and his grandchildren and is very proud of having a French family here. He's welcome when ever he likes and it makes life so much easier for us all if he stays nearby for the couple of days that he visits - it's exhausting for him trying to understand what's going on and having the kids running round him both gabbling away in very strong southern accent french! Here's where the problem of the written word rather than face to face talking is highlighted - the reference to "frog-sprogs" is his lighthearted way of teasing at being foreigners, well he's the foreigner when he's here, but he's chuffed at having the connection as he loves France and owns a place about 5 hours north of us (but bad health means he is using it less and less.
No, those who wouldn't be welcomed here are the freeloaders others have talked about who turn up for god knows how long and treat the place like an all-inclusive holiday!
I'm way past having a Father that's alive, but if I had and he treated my wife, her family, my kids, in the same manner as you describe yours does, I'm afraid he would NEVER get an an invite , nor EVER be welcome in my house.
I would think back to when I had had to bide by the house rules when living at home and apply the same regime when he visited me --- respect and manners at all times.
I'd be more than chuffed to see some family and friends once in a while - nobody comes out to see us as my OH and kids can't speak English. But that's exactly the reason I want them to come out try and get my kids talking in English (they understand me barking at them in English or French but it's a one way process, just French comes back!) plus I'd love to see family more often. Even my Dad, who speaks some French prefers to stay in a local hotel rather in a household of "frogs" as he puts it, especially with the "frog-sprogs" talking at him so fast that he hasn't got a clue what they're going on about (not easy when your English family can't communicate with your own kids...!) BUT the style of freeloader some people get lumbered with would have me pulling up drawbridges and battoning down the hatches :-O
;-)
Oh my, Always leave your cupboards nearly bare. Make a trip too the Supermarche part of their French Journey. Always good for them to find out wine is not for free and the food is as expensive here, hopefully they will offer to pay for half the shopping. Please do not buy anyone shower gel, good excuse to get them down the shops.
Different strokes for different folks ...but bottom line, you shouldn't feel stressed out financially over guests. My friend took 6 teen girls to her Florida condo for Spring Break. She asked each of us for cab fare, a grocery fee, that they pay for their meals eating out and any activities they participated in like jet skiing or para-sailing, snacks on the beach etc. I was relieved that she spelled it out for us so I knew how to prepare my Daughter with what she needed while away....I gladly gave her a ck with some additional money to help out. I don't think you will offend anyone if you are honest about what you can and cannot do. I don't know how long your guests stay but we have had people for as long as a month...hospitality goes both ways...
I hope it will work out better for you - and without any awkwardness or embarassment!! :-)
Yes I agree Lucy.
I don't ever RESENT my visitors, I just get stung every time cos I want to see them and I can never find the words to say that I'd appreciate contributions to costs....there have been a few good suggestions on here including yours. I'll try to apply them next time I have people here ;-)
I definitely agree that the best thing to do is make it clear from the start of the planning process that although you are the host/hostess you will not be funding the entire visit! I don't think that is unreasonable - and neither should the visitors! It is so much better to be clear about the situation up front, rahter than to wait until they are there and you are resentful and cross because they aren't helping around the place or contributing to the costs! Definitely a "kitty" for meals/transport etc works quite well!!
Sad - but no surprise!!
My daughter's family have just left and gone back to Munich.
They help in the garden and provide wonderful wine for us to drink and do a Carrefour shop. They take us out for a meal.
They have been here for two weeks and I am now tired. My grandson is not yet two and is a bundle of energy and very dextrous, he can get of anywhere. Someone has to be with him when he is not sleeping. I have done a lot of cooking, but our Litttle House will be properly ready for them when they come again at Christmas and New Year, so they can cook for us.
We have friends from UK coming for a few days on Saturday, but they will help. My sewing machine will be sorted out and yet more work done in the garden.
We have not had any freeloaders, but then again we are good guests ourselves.
strange that! ;-)
Yina,
Reference your last paragraph, therin lies the rub. In England no-one meets us at the airport, ferries us all over the place, takes us out to restaurants, waits on us hand and foot, or lays on free meals in their house. Here in France, we are expected to provide all the above. When in England, even for a couple of days, we are expected to visit everyone and bring wine and other gifts.
We recently moved into a new bungalow which we claim is only one bedroom but we can supply the telephone numbers of several hotels if required. Funnily no-one is interested.