Feel for you Liz, don't beat around the bush - tell people straight what you think. If they're "reasonable" they'll understand, if they're not then it's good to know so you don't break your back trying to accommodate them and their wishes - tell them where the nearest gîte is and who to contact if they want to come and stay. My Dad always stays in a hotel not too far away so he gets a descent night's sleep and escapes the kids! My mother has come over once in 6 years and is still complaining that she doesn't know her French grandchildren... sounds like I'm the lucky one not being invaded. Most family and friends from the UK feel uncomfortable too because it's a French speaking house so even though my OH makes an effort to come out with the odd word/phrase, people prefer to stay elsewhere so there are no communication problems (my kids can't speak English yet either so they understand the questions being asked in English but answer in French...!)
We have just sold our successful Gite business after 7 years of giving clients and famil members holidays every year - so this year we are having some holiday ourselves in the summer! - it hasn`t gone down too well with some family members whilst others are supportive.
We had a large house and three gites so at times it was very hectic but it was interesting seeing how different friends & family reacted - some would help wherever possible such as mending fences in the rain or taking us out for meals, others would lie in the sun and then compalin at the end of the holiday we hadn`t spent enough time with them - whilst we were looking after three gites full of guests!
We have now bought a smaller house without a pool! - we expect to have fewer visitors - what a shame!
We have friends who have a sign on the back of the loo door suggesting that after a stay of 3 days visitors might like to treat them to a meal - after 1 week acompany them to the supermarket checkout!
I made a resolution on my 60th birthday that I would learn to say, "No." Even so it is hard to put it nicely sometimes and one person has not spoken to me since I made other plans for Christmas one year - her loss.
Sacrifice of privacy!
I fully sympathise. I go out of my way to look after people when they come to France. I have been "spoiling" my nephews in Australia since they were born (not to mention accommodating my brother and wife for a month several years ago) but now that my own son is in Australia, I am very disappointed not to see a reciprocal response from my brother. My son was very homesick before Christmas and without a job, but my brother and his wife were "too busy" to see him. After my nephews received my Christmas presents, they talked to me on skype very enthusiastically, but the message was relayed by one of them that Dad and Mum were too busy to join in. I am very sad about it and really don't know how to respond.
Good idea, being of Scots blood the lot over there will not like that and my wife's Swiss lot will weigh up the value and be similar to my lot. Good solution!
Meanie! But with you all the way...
When firmly in the right, very little explanations or justifications are necessary ! Family, should respect the minimum of limits of hospitality and it's our role as the receivers, to tactfully define those limits. Visiting friends, like fresh fish, also have their limits before a strange odor is emitted. The best cure for one's family abuse is to "return" a vacation on their turf, reproducing the identical conditions they deemed so perfectly normal chez toi. So don't say "NO" to family, go out of your way to make them wish you had !
and considerable effort. Not to mention the days before their visit where you are endlessly cleaning and food shopping for the place to look like something from a war scene within 2 days of their arrival! also having to think of places to take them which will be of their interest, despite the fact that you have probably seen it 40 times or more ;-)
I love people visiting but I must say life seems much less chaotic once they have gone. Keep smiling!!!!!
Your time!
Come on John. Give us a bit more detail. What tarrifs would you charge for? When you think about someone living in your house, they use:
Food. Wine. Gas, EDF including lighting, hot water, and then add in toilet rolls, soap, extra use of dishwasher and washing machine.
So what am I forgetting? Probably something very obvious.
Thanks for that Valerie. This brother, Jack, is in his early seventies , so is retired, which makes me nervous, and is (and has been for some time) having some "difficulties" with his wife. THey are both very religious (and we are not). OMG, can you imagine it!!! Sort of secular variation of Father Ted!!
When we used to have foreign students come to stay & study English, I used to keep a chart on the wall, showing when who was coming and going, so I suppose before he arrives, I could do up a wall chart showing all the people who are coming and the dates.
:-)
LOL, I love that!
Sheila, if you think he's the sort (you might know his current living arrangement/travelling habits) who might bring all his worldly possessions in a little baggy with him, maybe check out the local area for a place he could rent if he plans to stay. How would he pay his way though - would he have a job he could bring with him or would he expect to live off you'? If he's got a stable job now, I would think (hope) he'd just pop out for a visit and then get back to real life.
I love you. x
Don't be rude just send them a list of tarrifs.
Free food and fine wine costs a lot and if like a lot of us over here your income is less than that of your visitors, why should you subsidise A N Others holiday?
The only ones that I don't mind putting into the pot when they visit are my kids and in all honesty they are the only ones that offer, the rest I ask and its strange how the 'coming to see you' visits diminish rapidly when it involves money. I love being a grump old git. :)
Liz, I completely agree with Valerie's reply, so will add nothing. Very well put (as always) Valerie.
I will be following this with interest. We are only completing our first autumn/winter here so have not been plagued with visitors. However, we have issued invitations to family and friends (foolishly or otherwise!), and the other day, Henry's older brother sent a text to say he had booked a one-way ticket! Poor Henry - I practically shoved the cordless in his face, and with huge self-control, managed to say, calmly, "Darling, please ring your brother and ask what this one way ticket is all about." It appears he is prepared to take his chances by booking the return when he is already here but intends to stay only a week or so. This is a small house, one living/kitchen/TV area, and no outside space (in mediaeval village). What do I do if he looks like settling in for a longer stay? Any suggestions/advice appreciated, just in case. :-)
Strange how they criticised you for raising the issue so early but thought nothing of broadcasting it to the elderly person in question so he/she could fret about being a burden for the rest of the year.
Did they elaborate at all on what their 'other plans' are for Christmas 2012 that your relative could not be included in? Mind you, I suppose that's beside the point. These things have a habit of resolving themselves and there's still plenty of time so please don't worry. Perhaps when they are making arrangements for their next free vacation with you, welcome them with open arms and a "I'm SO glad you're coming then - I need your help with (a, b, c right through to z of disgusting jobs). There'll be no time to relax as this will take all week but you won't mind, will you". If you don't think that will work, do just say "No, it's not a good time" - they felt no guilt about not taking your relative for Christmas so why should you about their free holidays?