i think making this assumption is fine in theory but often in practice not possible. There are many who would say that it is a positive to be made to stand on our own two feet. I have had that experience and feel I now owe my mother and sister nothing
From what you have said their grandfather isnt worth knowing and will only cause them more grief. He needs to look after them first and in this case it means not seeing that grandfather
James tell your friend to talk to his kids about this
they should have some choice in the matter I guess or at least some know;ledge of what is happening and how upset your friend gets about his family
I would ask your friend whos voice dose he hear that makes him stand up for his father and take so much trouble and strife from him/? would he take this behaviour from his friends NO.. so why take it from any one . Children are like sponges and will be aware of his unhappiness even if they dont understand why they feel the way they do... Try a tme to recover his inner peace. Take time to breath and relaxe ,count to 10 befor saying yes to anything and try saying No Sounds like innear confidence needs to be stronger. the only way to find this is to give ones self time and step back from xxxxxxxxxxxxxx whatever that may be . Dont be so hard on youself ...... focous on your on needs .
there is no place for guilt we all make choices and ones based on our feelings at the time or after a long hard think
on balance if your family give you bad feelings then no matter what you have to be without them
Your friend's father is a bloke - what more can you say?
it is reality Steve
families are supposed to be supportive and loving and if they are not then get the hell out I think
I probably sound like a cold hard ba*tard but tell your friend to wake up smell the coffee he has a crap family ,stop wasting his own valuable time and enjoy his kids I say this from wasting so much time on mine ,sometimes you think families should be like one thing but the reality is completely different and and the worst price paid is wasted time ....
I am estranged from my Mum and my sister both of whom conspired to prevent me from attending my loving father's funeral cos I wanted to be there with my man
Fuck em is what I say
I had to break with my adopted mother and her natural daughter who had learning difficulties. It all became too much and I wasn't going to let them cause trouble in my own family.
Your friend now has a family of his own and his first thoughts should be for them. If his birth family cannot set a decent example and do what they say, when they say it (except for extenuating circumstances) and cause upset for his children,then it is time to take stock.
If he wants this to be a gentle parting of the ways rather than a huge rift, then perhaps he should not be available for a while. His parents and brothers are not going to change and if their ways are so rude and thoughtless, then perhaps he and his family are better off out of it.
It is hard to let go, but he and his wife have made their own family and they need to come first.
good
Katherine is right, time to stop the abuse right now and create a new and joyous future for him and his children
try Fuck It by John C Parkin
My advice...Tell your friend to put all of the time and energy that he previously used on his father and siblings into ensuring that his own family gets all of the love, attention and goodwill that he would have liked to receive himself. It is too late to change the situation of his, but never too late to make certain that his own children never have to feel let down by their parents.
Where do I start James
I could tell you stories and give my own realistic advice on family. We cannot choose them unfortunately! I am happy to talk to your friend if it helps
We can only tell our truth to people and there is no need to be with a family that abuses one
Read the book (and recommend to your friend) The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. It may help improve the situation by giving him the needed help in letting go.
I have a loving family and can't spend as much time with them as I would like due to ill health of elderly parents and me living in France, with not enough money to visit often. I think that your friend has to think if he wants to go on being the butt of such bad behaviour or whether it is time to cut his losses and concentrate on his own family. My ex-husband used to do this to my children when they were young so I cut all ties and they were much calmer for it. It is a shame when this happens in families, but he has his own life and family to think of.
However we can only advise and it has to be his decision.