Aged parent (1)

Back in the dark ages whe we were planning our move to France, we tried to persuade the Aged parent that she should move over with us. at that time she was becoming ‘delicate’ with incipient heart problems, mobility and eyesight degeneration.

Maybe we were lucky, she refused point blank to give up her home in Exeter and move into a Granny flat with us. So we went out and built a bungallow to suit just the pair of us.

Come November 2010 and we got a phone call that Mum had had a stroke and was paralised down her left hand side we dropped everything and went over to see her and consider the way forward.

It seemed to us that with her level of disability she would be unlikely to be able to return home, decent care home costs would swallow her modest savings and that unless some solution could be found she would have to sell the house and use the proceeds to fund her ongoing care in the UK.

She then dropped the bomb shell. "Cant I come and live with You?“

So we are researching the availability of help in the house, its cost and the cost of health care through the French System.

i’ve just checked the cost of top up and was supprised that it was available from under €50.00 pm she should be qualified for a Carte Vitale and her heart medication which costs C€80.00pm could be covered by ‘longue jouree’(?) Now to sit down and see if we really want to take on the responsibility of an 89 year old, which will be stressful on its own without interfamily bickering along the lines"You only want her out there so you can control her Money” really pi***s me off cant see anyone else stepping up to the breach.

Seems as if we could do it BUT

She would have to be able to pay for the “aides a domicile” to visit, because the memshaib is becoming a bit doddery herself and while willing would not think it fair to put too much burden on her. Having an extra person in the house would also increase our costs, we all know that what seems a reasonable temperature to us is far to Cold/Hot/drafty and so extra electricity to pay for the heating and cooling, Our income atm allows us to claim relief on the Taux d’habitation but because the old girl is actually better off than us this would change as would our needs for transport, we are happy with the Yaris but its not wheel chair friendly …the list is endless

The aged parent is quite good company and there is enough space here, we even future proofed the place so its wheel chair and commode friendly with Douche Itallienne, its just the family squabbles. stress stress etc but I don’t feel that I can turn my back on her now.

watch this space!!

Thanks for your kind words and extra info, anything however small will increase our knowlege of the expected trials and tribulations. fortunatly neither of us work so the need to replace lost income isnt a factor and our local CCAS offer means tested help toward the cost of Aides a domicile looking at our combined situation we should be able to claim 28% of the cost of their allocation of help and any additional help would have to be self funded.
At present (hopefully) she is to be transferred to a very swish Residential Home next week and we will see if she becomes queen of the castle and thus settle in, We still need to overcome her reluctance to sell the family pile but that will come with a dose of reality.

I’m guessing I’m a wee bit younger than you as my parents are late 60’s/early 70’s, but this is still a big thing that I think about regards the future. They don’t mind the odd visit, but the temperature is never right and they have no desire to live here full time, but who knows what the future will bring - family squabbles I’m sure. Best of luck with this, whatever decision you end up making.