An immigrant returns

Hello all

I’ve been back in the UK for 3 weeks now so I wanted to share my thoughts on UK life after nearly 12 years in the South of France.

1 Must remember to speak English. I have so far confused a dog-walker with a cheery “Bonsoir Monsieur” and a server in the local Chip shop with a “Merci beaucoup”. :astonished:

2 Drive on the left! Drive on the left! Drive on the left! :fearful:

3 It’s properly cold here. Yes, I know it’s January but the wind is bitter in a way I’d forgotten. :snowflake:

4 Exchanging your driving licence is soooooooo easy! Admittedly, I had a UK licence in the past but all that is needed is a 2 page form and a photo. If I was French then I would need to provide ID and it would cost £43 but that is still a breeze in comparison. I should get my new UK licence within 3 weeks.

5 Registering with a GP is not as straightforward as in France. I have had to complete 2 forms, including an official NHS one, and need to supply ID and proof of address as well as my NHS number. I’m going for my initial appointment on Monday.

6 Drive on the left! That one is worth repeating!

7 Cooked food can be delivered to your door! I don’t want to get used to that. :hamburger::pizza:

8 The roads are in an appalling state and there is so much traffic, even on a Sunday afternoon. It makes my head spin. :dizzy_face:

9 You can go shopping on a Sunday afternoon and nothing closes for lunch, ever. I can’t decide if this is a good thing or not. :thinking:

10 The air smells weird and there are no mountains. :frowning_face:

11 The internet speed is incredible but more expensive than in France. Sky TV is also incredible with hundreds of channels and something called “multi-room” means you can watch it anywhere in the house. It’s also absurdly expensive. I would never pay £76 a month, just to watch TV. :tv:

12 All my favourite foods are here. :bacon::tea:

13 People in Essex are unbelievably ignorant about Brexit and Canvey Island is rife with racists and xenophobes. I will be happy to get away from this place. :unamused:

14 I now want to be known by married name in the UK which means that I need to provide my marriage certificate to the bank, the Passport Office, the Doctors etc etc. It requires translation which is just as absurd in the UK as it is in France. A French marriage certificate is even simpler than a UK one and requires just 50 words to be translated. It’s mostly names and dates. The cost to do that in the UK is about £75, for just one certified translation. Instead, I have had it translated by a French translator and the cost, including a second certified copy and tracked postage, is just 53€. I have found something cheaper in France @anon87147852

15 Most food is considerably cheaper here, as an example a pack of 2 romain lettuces was 2€80 in Leclerc and is just 75p in Tesco. Free range eggs, organic free range chicken, most fruit & veg is significantly cheaper. The choice is also far superior to French supermarkets although that is partly due to the French habit of eating seasonally. There were cherries from Chile in the supermarket this week!! :cherries:

16 The worst thing about the UK is that my darling hubby is not here :cry: I miss my old life and mon petit coin de France.

More to come…

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Fabulous Mandy! At least I can no longer say everything in France is more expensive - I’ll need to change tack :wink: I’m pretty sure you’re petit coin de France will be missing you too but I’m sure it will still be there when you’re ready for a visit. As for hubby - well he’ll always be there… Bon courage :kissing_heart:

PS you reminded me - last time I was in Liverpool I walked up to two ladies at a bus stop for some info - I’m pretty sure they thought I was going to mug them and place their bodily parts in bin liners by the way they reacted to me :joy:

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Thank you Simon. :kissing_heart:

@anon92567933 - Point 13 really made me chuckle .

It would appear that it is not all negative and a “wake up call” for those thinking of going in the other direction.

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Honestly, Mat, I had forgotten how stupid my fellow Islanders could be.

The most recent gem was from a woman in a supermarket, “I only buy British meat cos those foreigners treat their animals really bad. Terrible what they do”. Unfortunately, this was an acquaintance of Mum and I had to walk away to avoid an argument.

Oh, and the ones who say to me “say something in French, go on” like I’m some sort of novelty performer!!!

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Just come up with the rudest insult that you can think of - they won’t know.

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Defense de fumer…it’s a fate a complan… :hugs:

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Hadn’t thought of that! :smiley:

Perhaps “putain de merde, vous êtes gros et moche”. Need to think of a translation for that though!!! :wink:

Apologies for “les gros mots” :zipper_mouth_face:

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Or just say “po pouri”… with suitable emphasis… :sunglasses:

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That’s brilliant Stella. Made me chuckle.

Anytime you need a chuckle… you know where I am… :hugs:

You could always spout a list of the supposed french words that are used in the UK and not in France? Cul de sac, en suite bathroom, etc etc. Then they’d understand even if no french person would.

The say something in French is quite amusing.
This morning at the garage the woman who runs the office rang through to our garagiste and said ‘les anglais sont ici.’ I would never ,ever in the uk say to a co worker ‘the french people are here.’

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Hah. Charge them a quid per word.

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It’s not malicious though. Indonesians for example call every white person albino because that’s just the most descriptive term. There’s no racism involved in it… and I guess French people do it to an extent as well because I’ve been told by my landlord that I’ve become known as “the Dutch guy”. Which is easy, really, because I am the only one in this commune I believe :smiley:

I probably would say it to co-workers, that “the Frenchies have arrived”, because I’m an un-diplomatic guy with no filter…

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I wasnt offended, just surprised that she was so blatant in front of us.

Oh I wasn’t implying you were, just making sure that it’s said that it’s most likely not done with malice because sometimes people will take their 1 + 1 a little too far :slight_smile:

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Among French friends we say it when the Belgian neighbours are here." Oh les belges sont ici !"

I think it’s something we all may do …

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When I ordered my boudin from the Chasse, the packet had Anglais Des Tetes on it.
They were young men, but I ordered tgem over tge 'phone and I don’t think the guy I spoke to could spell my name.
We don’t actually live in Des Tetes either.
I wasn’t offended.

I have been referred to as ‘la petite anglaise’, if only I was !:blush: