sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q… Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
- If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka .
- If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.
- If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .
- If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala …
- If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
- If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
- If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
- Spending it at car boot sales, or
- Going to night clubs, or
- Spending it on prostitutes, or
- Beer or whisky or
- Tattoos.
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. . )
Conclusion:
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !
No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.