You mean to say I'm not the only one!? For a long time I thought I was, the same thing happened to me two years ago, I had no idea it was coming. I'd come to France as it was his dream, but his dream turned into a nightmare so he just booked a flight and returned to the UK. Having two teenagers in school kept me here fighting for a better life for them than I ever thought they would have in the UK. Their future kept me going and I had the support and help from some amazing friends. It's not easy to come to terms with, life here can be difficult but if you have your health you have everything you need. I'm now starting anew, going forward to something completely different and on my own (apart from two teenagers, cat, dog and goldfish). My tip: Surround yourself with positive people and see the beauty in this wonderful place (oh yes, and as you can tell .... happy pills work!)
It must be awful when people just decide they want to leave the country like that and just abandon their life here. I'd separated for other reasons and my ex was supposed to be working out some problems he had (with counsellors etc) and then he decided it would be easier to do that in the UK - and ended up deciding to stay there and not bother with the sorting the problems out. The reality was that probably too much had happened for us to go back into the relationship anyway and so it gradually became clear it was over. Less of a sudden shock but the net result is still that even though it wasn't my dream to come here, I'm the one that is stuck here with everything to sort out and I'll be stuck here at least while the kids get past their current stage of education. I couldn't just up sticks and start them again somewhere else at the point where they were about to start lycee, hence moving within the same department.
He probably misses France but doesn't see a way back here and I've spent a lot of time looking at other places to move to, both in France and out of it, once I'm able to. Funny old life.....
Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of Now" really helped me forget the past and not worry about the future but to start to put together a new life post divorce by focusing on the present/the "Now". Just pulling it all back in to get a sense of gratitude and building on that, from there to get happier.
Once again thanks guys. And yes its a funny old life. :( :)
There is an old saying that the best revenge against another man for stealing his wife is to let him have her. Perhaps a version applies here.
I do have much sympathy with you for losing your partner but I would like to add that I think it may be a valid time to learn to be content with your own company. Most of us want someone to share our lives with and that’s great and that’s the way it’s supposed to be BUT many people are searching for “their other half”: someone who “completes” them - so there are lots of “incomplete” people looking for the “other half” that they’re lacking and, once they think they’ve found that missing resource, they’ll need to take from him or her what they feel they lack.
If a person has learnt to be self sufficient within themselves, then, when they meet another, they’ll have more to give.
I don’t know you and I’m not presuming that this sweeping generalisation necessarily applies to you, Simon, but I’ve found that the best things happen when you’re not expecting them, so the best policy is to make the best of what you’ve got in your life and, when the time is right and you’ve become quite happy with your own company, the good stuff will come along: someone else who’s also happy with her own company - but happy with yours too.
..get a cat or two....(two is better for them, when you are not around) and they are way more independent than dogs.
It could well turn out to be the best thing that has happened to you for a while....
Coupledom is vastly overated and the loneliness of single people is, in most cases, somewhat exaggerated. In a few cases, people are with the 'loves of their life' and one cannot imagine them being without each other and because there's no acrimony, they are nice to be around.....
Being in a relationship always entails a certain amount of compromise, but alot of the time people 'bumble about' in a state of irritation with each other and their circumstances that it is obvious that they are not really happy.....but I suppose they are scared of change (hang onto nurse, for fear of something worse). I've always hated the idea of being 'trapped' in that kind of a situation and would avoid it like the plague !
This new situation may well feel strange because depending on how much compromising you have been doing, you may have lost touch with aspects of yourself. It's a great opportunity to reconnect...make a bucket list of things you would like to do and places you would like to go. Given the finances, the world is your oyster, so book yourself a holiday (https://www.workaway.info) and have a bit of a clearout, re-arrange the furniture, fresshen the place up. All this will help you move on and feel better, recover and enjoy, savour the fact that you are free....and life is full of potential...
Hilary, you are making us all jealous now! LOL ;-) Great advice!
I totally agree. Aside from getting unconditional love from a creature that can´t talk back, you´ll also get out on dog walks and meet people you may not have met being dogless. Good luck with that.
I don't know. When I said don't rush into another relationship I think I'd include with cats or dogs in that too :)
I'm allergic to cats but I do have three dogs but to be honest, if I was alone (I'm not - I have three sons still at home) I'm not sure I'd want the tie of animals. I quite like the thought that I'd be able to just go off somewhere, on a whim. Animals are quite tying and kennels and catteries aren't cheap.
After a lifetime of looking after dogs and cats I lost my last dog last june and the last two cats about eighteen months ago. The freedom I have now is priceless. I am no longer tied to the house neither do I have to worry about them being looked after on the rare occasions I/we were able to 'escape'.
I love all animals but I feel i've done my bit for 'animal welfare' over the past forty years and now it's time to think about 'me' . It may sound selfish but that's how I feel about it.