Boarding School Horrors?

General Discussion
1

I haven’t heard all of the episodes but I have heard enough to be appalled, but at the same time mystified by, Niki Campbell’s experiences.

For those that haven’t heard it the details of physical punishment and sexual violence are appalling. From prefects up through the ranks of the staff right to the top are legion.

But. After passing the 11 plus my father wanted the best for me and I was taken round all the best schools in the Nottingham area to take, and pass, their individual entrance examinations. Finally he settled on a C of E payment assisted Grammar School, Southwell Minster. But it was over 20 miles away and, although some day boys travelled that distance each day, I was inducted as a boarder.

So, why am I mystified? Although there were a few, a very few, boys who were homosexual I never had any problems towards me from them and the stories of beatings and bullying from those older boys appointed as prefects reported in this series, are completely at odds with my own experience.

Prefects could only direct you to do certain things, they were not allowed to administer physical punishment. Not even masters could do that, only the headmaster, and he alone had that power.

So I was just wondering as I have heard such things before, was I really so lucky, or were there other schools where things were conducted in a principled way? :thinking:

2

My niece and nephews were sent to a top Quaker boarding school in the Cotswolds when their parents were living and working overseas but were not Quakers. My niece did well as did the youngest boy but the middle lad who suffered from Dyspraxia and ADHD at that time was used as a scapegoat by the other boys from wealthier families for their bad behaviour and eventually he was expelled. That’s the only thing I know about boarding schools, none of my family either side went to anything like that, only grammar, technical and secondary modern schools.

3

I’ve no personal experience, but a now sadly departed dear friend told me some pretty awful tales of his normality at boarding school. He said, and I quote, “it’s just what happened”. Made me shudder. It was a pretty ‘establishment’ boarding school - whatever that means and whatever it’s got to do with it.

4

I was an inmate at prep school and public school from age of 8-18.100% boarders.

I recall hearing of “only” one instance of sexual abuse, with a housemaster becoming a little too keen on physically inspecting naked 8-9 year olds..He was quietly ‘retired’.

Abuses by senior boys - fagging was prevelant, but fairly harmless, if humiliating. I made the bed each day for a senior boy, or ran messages to his friends in other boys houses. Fortunately it was abolished by the time I was a senior boy, as there was obviously scope for abuses.

Several of my friends were beaten (by the headmaster) when the betting ring I ran was broken up. Corals, the bookie, rather unsportingly objected when we won £800 (back in 1980, about €5,000 now!), and literally had to take a suitcase to collect the winnings.Since we were obviously under age, it was all too much for them. They called the school to complain, and the latter beat everyone involved - bar me. I was appearing in a play and was heavily made up when interrogated, so my blushes were hidden, my excuses accepted etc.

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5

But did you get the money?

My parents were asked to find another school for me when I was 16, which proved a bit difficult. They were retiring and wanted to move out of London but were not prepared for me to stay in London by myself. And the schools local to new house weren’t too keen on having a mouthy London brat join them for the sixth form years.

So I ended up at a boys’ boarding school that was experimenting with having girls in the 6th form. 12 girls and around 500 boys stuck in a muddy field somewhere in Essex, For me that was torture in itself. The other girls were either masters’ children or kids with parents overseas and I hated them all. I was constantly in trouble for things like smoking and the punishments included running round the courtyard 10 times at lunchtime - a 16 year old girl in a gymslip and 500 boys hanging out of the windows. Not physical punishment as such but I think now that could be considered sexual abuse.

And yes some of the masters did try it on sexually, particularly on weekend overnight camping trips. The boys not so much as in general a 16 yr old boy is no match for a 16 yr old girl.

The two savings graces were the bar (girls were allowed to drink sherry only, but its stronger than beer so a stupid convention) and the bookshop who gave me a saturday job and let me borrow and read whatever I liked as long as I was careful to keep book looking new.

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6

Boarding in the UK, my family mostly went from 7.
My grandfather never mentioned anything untoward.
My father slept with a compass under his pillow at Winchester in the 1950s. It was to see off people who were too interested in him, he was pretty and then grew.
My cousins who are younger than I am didn’t mention anything.
It’s different at girls’ schools, there are lesbians but nobody is predatory at least not according to my aunts who were at my school all through the 50s and 60s, and I didn’t notice anything at all in my boarding career, from 4.

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7

Oh my God - George was an inmate and Jane was a mouthy London brat. Whoever would have thought …..

But reading this reminded me of a film we watched recently (Sleepers - 1996) where part of it was about sexual abuse and physical punishment at a boys reformed school.

And it made me think - yes, it went on in some places in real life and I suppose you can say it’s in the past but it did happen and it did affect so many children in many different ways.

But with so many rules and regulations and what is or isn’t PC at the moment, let’s hope these horrors are becoming less and less.

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8

Definitely! We had to hide the cash back at school as they were totally unaware we’d actually won anything beyond about £15. My amateur jockey Dad wholly approved of the gambling assault on the bookies whilst at school…(‘chip off the old block’ etc)

1 girl (Chaplain’s daughter) and 1,500 teenage boys at my school! Single sex preps and public school (both still are). University (obv mixed) was therefore an eye opener!

9

Well nothing too horrendous so far but I do think that based on the above that I was lucky. Maybe because unlike some of you I went at 11 years old, I can’t imagine how badly I would have felt if I was younger.

Nevertheless, my first year was miserable, suddenly away from family and friends it seemed like a punishment. I was so affected that when I came home for one of the 3 week holidays I stayed indoors throughout instead of searching out my local friends.

The most serious punishment was to be ‘gated’. The boarding house was half a mile away from the school which was in the middle of the village. Normally we would walk down the main street to get there but, if gated, were forced to walk down a narrow path missing the village altogether. This was to avoid the extreme danger of meeting and, heaven forbid, talking to girls. That seemed to be the most heinous crime and, as I was very keen on girls, was frequently gated. But there were ways round that, messages could be carried and rdvs arranged in the countryside surrounding the boarding house.

In that first year I hated rugby and could be seen as a shrinking figure, sleeves pulled down over knuckles wandering hunched back anywhere where the ball wasn’t. My epiphany came on the rugby field, my watchful eye let me down and I heard a shout, my name called and ‘get him’. I looked up and just yards away a lumbering hulk of a boy was hurtling straight at me with the ball. Too late to get out of the way my memory of tackling instructions came to the fore and I grabbed his legs with all my might, turned slightly aside and followed him down. As I got up the ball had bounced far away and this giant was lying face down in the mud. I was exhilarated, and thought if skinny little me has this power then this is the game for me. I never looked back and was soon a permanency as a scrum half for the rest of my years there, even being offered a trial for Notts in that position, which I didn’t take up, it being after I was granted my final term as a day boy and was more interested in money and the butcher’s bike delivery job that provided it.

BTW being a day boy was not all it was cracked up to be, up early and home late, it involved no less than 2 bus rides and 3 train journeys, with a final walk from the station of a mile uphill making 10 changes per day. I enjoyed the relative freedom, but did harbour a sneaking regret at what I was missing too.

Overall I think I enjoyed it and the icing on the cake on a visit to an Old Boys’ Reunion, was meeting the giant in the mud again, overweight and bent he hobbled along on 2 sticks. Schadenfreude? Moi? Surely not. :innocent:

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10

Did she end up in a nunnery? Either that or a backing bass player in a punk rock band I imagine.

11

I cannot give a first hand experience of prep and public school as I went to a comprehensive but I can relay my experience as a parent of our 4 children whom we sent to both prep and public school.
All our children benefitted massively from their educational experience and have all done well in life.
My wife was interviewed and got the job of school shop manager which she did for 12 years throughout the time our children were at the school, she loved her job.
I became an integral part of the parents group at the school and organised many events.
Also right place, right tine for me as a builder. I got to know the bursar of both schools and was given lots of work on both campuses with many large contracts carried out during the long school holidays.
Getting to know parents, and them knowing I was a builder was a win win too, my order book was always full.
All in all the prep and public school experience for myself,my wife and our 4 children was more positive than we could have possibly imagined.

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12

When were you at St Trinians George?

13

Irrelevant. Only children’s voices count in this debate. I’m sure you believe very strongly that you would have know had there been any issues, but this has been proved wrong time and time again.

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14

Is George’s surname Cole?

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15

And even children’s voices can tell quite different stories. It was only at our 50th anniversary reunion that I learnt just how unhappy some of my friends had been at our school (not boarding but a GPDST school - Girls’ Public Day School Trust). When we were at school together I was never aware. This was not abuse, but a feeling of social exclusion, inequality, not fitting in.

16

It was one of those that suggested to my parents that it ‘would be better if I went to another school’, with subtext that my scholarship would not be renewed if they didn’t.

17

Oh wow! I look back on my time as a missed opportunity. We had excellent teachers and did some amazing stuff (theatre and music within the school was very strong and great fun). I did A level sciences (BIG mistake). I didn’t have the discipline to do it well - I’m incredibly lazy, good at bullshitting my way through life and that doesn’t work if you haven’t learnt the periodic table! One of my peers is a favourite Oxbridge scientist of Melvyn Bragg. He gets her on In Our Time at the drop of a hat. I’m quite envious. :slight_smile:

18

Hilarious. The betting ring and its success was a clear illustration of your talents.

Very mean and unsporting of Coral to weasel out of paying you your winnings though.

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19

Story of my life….
Not really but I do sometimes wonder where other roads would have led. My school was very Oxbridge focused, and although lots of other extra activities as necessary for Oxbridge entrance I was strongly dissuaded from doing any of them. Sports were a danger to my teeth (dentist mother), anything art/music was unnecessary as it was assumed I would go into medicine (doctor father) and not be like the previous male generation (pumpkin farmer and brick maker). They should have paid more attention to my great aunt Lizzie who ran off to study at the Sorbonne in 1918

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20

Thanks for seeing my contribution to this topic as irrelevant.
I will have to speak with my children before I contribute in future.